About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

To be honest yes, but that's a whole other thread I think.

But her name is Charlotte so surely it's better for her to get used to that now than when she is asked at some time in the future to give her formal name. Telling her that her grandparents don't know her name when they are calling her by her actual name would be much more confusing for her

Well if you’re there when they are looking after her then just keep correcting them.

I'd really not worry about it my 2 year old goes by Spidey, Spiderman, gecko, around 7 variations of his actual name and the different ways my family (English) and my husband's family (not English) say it.
Im 7m pregnant and occasionally call him by his father or sisters name as well...

My DD has a different nickname from basically everyone she knows.

Example: Say her name is Dierdre but she gets Dee, Didi, Dido, Deely, Deer, Dearie, Didum, Devil, Dilly, Dids, Deeda, Dre, Bibi etc... some of them have literally nothing to do with her name really. She just started school and still proudly introduces herself to everyone by her full name when someone asks despite literally everyone (even her teachers) calling her by different pet/nick names all the time.

Shes not confused at all about who she is, I think its kind of cool that as she ages she will have so many options to shape her own style though.

Year’s ago when I was at primary my friend’s brother went by two completely different names. Think something like Michael and Jamie. It was unusual and I’ve no idea why so sometimes I’d call him by one name and sometimes the other.

@user873628 to be honest I would laugh it off and just let them do it.
Your daughter won't get confused if everyone else calls her Lottie. I assume her nursery already does. When she starts school there will be a bit on the form for "Known As" and her peg label etc will have Lottie on it.
Loads of people have an "official" name and no one usually ever thinks anything odd about it if they say "actually everyone calls me Jimmy not James".

I thinkbthey are being disrespectful to your choice BUT a lot of people don't like nicknames, preferring formal names.

We have an Indiana, she's indi to us and Indiana to family. Mixed at pre school, some imitate us, some use her formal name. She answers to Scout too as she's a fearless risk taker!

We had loads of nicknames for our DC as babies, plus DS has the sort of name - like Charlotte - that has many permutations. I do remember getting a bit uppity w the ILs as they called him the long version when we preferred the diminutive. In the end when he was about 2.5 he turned to me and told me the name he preferred and it’s been that way ever since. Occasionally I’ll call him by his full name - when he’s annoying me 😂but never the name we preferred when he was born.
What I’m trying to say is what seems like a big deal when they’re a baby ends up not being a big deal when they’re older.

Yeah, sorry, if you didn't want people to call her Charlotte, you shouldn't have called her Charlotte. You don't really have a leg to stand on, unless you change her birth certificate.

Don't let then bully you on this, just because your PILs will make a huge tearful scene if they are not getting their own way. She is your child, not their's.

@user873628

I suspect if it was your parents who wanted to call her Charlotte and not Lottie you wouldn't be as upset 😉 also, I think if it was your parents, you wouldn't want to fall out with them over something like this, the same way your husband doesn't. You're happy to get cross with them because any sort of damage isn't as important.

YABVU- she absolutely will not get confused and it's a shame you're using this as an excuse

You shouldn't have given her a name which can have many variations.

Well that’s the real problem then isn’t it. Why did you call your DD a name you don’t like?

You should have held out for something you liked instead of caving.

I agree, her name IS Charlotte so I don’t really see the issue.

My DH godchild is Lottie. She is currently studying her PhD in a neuroscience at a world renowned uni… Victorian chambermaid name or not 😂

Just let it go. Officially her name is Charlotte and all her life there will be some people who call her that. Officially naming her Lottie would have been safer if you hate her being called anything else.
Children often have nicknames from a young age and they respond to all of them quite happily. If Lottie gets fed up with it when she's older, she'll soon say which name she prefers.

Too outing to use actual name but DS has a traditional first name but is always known by a more unusual nickname. Which is a name in it's own right anyway. (We do have some family pet names for him too.....)
He loves his nickname and it really suits him. If anyone calls he by his full name, he corrects them.
I'm always known by my middle name, so I understand the official name v everyday name but it's fine!
Obviously it is tough for you to have been forced to put one name on the birth certificate (which you don't like) whilst actually wanting to use the pet name version. Think it's such a shame and you maybe able to change it in time but just reinforce that she is known as Lottie. The PIL should respect your choice of name.

Charlotte is a beautiful name. My son has always been known by his diminutive but if his GP had wanted to use his full name it wouldn’t have been an issue at all.

They're potentially doing you a favour. Other people will call her Charlotte too, she might as well get used to being called both from the start

OP has said they don't do child care. They see her for an hour a couple of times a week.

Lottie will put them right on her name once she's older.

Sounds like DH doesn't stand up to his parents and that is why he wouldn't discuss names or compromise with you.

Fair enough. But they are calling her by her proper/legal name though. Even you and DH didn't want 'Lottie' to be her legal name! You could have if you wanted to, but you didn't. It does come across as if you are being awkward. Her name is Charlotte and so she'll be learning her correct name. It'll be you and DH who are confusing her by calling her Lottie, if anything, but little children get used to being called all sorts of names and nicknames, so I am sure she won't get confused. She's only 9 months, you'll probably have a lot of issues to deal with in future, I'd pick my battles if I were you.

@MrsSunshine2b by the time she is old enough to have supply teachers she'll be old enough to say "I'm known as Lottie" and the supply teacher would most likely say "oh ok".
A girl in my daughter's primary class had an English name but also a traditional Chinese name - which was het name on the register. I was helping out with the class once and the teacher was a supply one. She read off the register the Chinese name and the whole class (30 little 7 years olds) simultaneously called out "no miss..... she's (English) name".

Some ridiculous comments on here. What sort of people cause complete chaos over a simple request like this? Ask the people on the Stately Homes thread and they'll tell you! Her name is Lottie...they should get to decide. However, it'll turn into a huge drama so maybe just get her used to being called Charlotte by them.

It'll be fine...I was always known by my middle name and then I changed it. My family still use my middle name and everyone else uses my first name. I don't notice. I only notice when someone uses the name that they don't usually use!

So I really don’t see the problem if they’re seeing her for such a short period of time. I also thought from the OP that they were looking after her while the parents were going out/to work and it’s a bugbear of mine when people moan about anything grandparents do when they’re so generous with their time to look after their grandchildren.