About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

It's because they care about her that they don't like the association with downtrodden skives. They want the best for her to fly high.
Celebrate that.
Life is brief.
Reserve your ire for wickedness.

I know it is irritating but honestly I had so many different nicknames as a child from different people. I wouldn’t worry about it. Children work out pretty quickly what is their formal name and what isn’t. The fact is they are calling her by her full name which you choose so seems a strange hill to die on honestly. Completely different if they were giving her a completely different name

I meant of course
Skivvies.
Predictive text never knew them.

Yep exactly that. Different family members call me different things, same with my friends. I don’t care as I don’t mind any of the variations I listed above. The only one I ever drew the line at was when one friend started calling me Chazza 😂

OP to use a MN old saw, is this the hill you want to die on?

@user873628 of course, you know what you have to do now! whatever mil and fil want to be known as, you just teach your daughter to call them something else! think nana and gramps and make it granny and grandad!!! two can play at that game!

I'd probably veer towards the 'it isn't a hill worth dying on' but it's so snooty and high-handed of them to declare the name you'd decided to refer to her day-today in such disparaging terms. I'd have a battle with my petty inner self not to give them a taste of their own medicine e.g if mil had decided she wanted to be called 'Granny' I'd start referring to her as Nana or another grandmotherly name she was appalled by.

Sevensummers1 · Today 18:09

The only one I ever drew the line at was when one friend started calling me Chazza

Well! Isn't that the giddy limit!

Thanks everyone, I appreciate I am being unreasonable! I think I'm just overreacting to it because there's a lot of hurt from past stuff that is now clouding my judgment. I will let the name be.

Tbh I don't really understand why you named her Charlotte but then insist on everyone calling her Lottie? If Charlotte is her real name then I think others will naturally want to call her that and because you've made everyone call her by her nickname I doubt she will suddenly want to start being called Charlotte or Charlie later on. I had a similar issue to yours though slightly different, so I'll use yours as an example. I didn't mind anyone calling her Charlotte or Lottie, but some wanted to call her Charlie as a nickname and I said no. I didn't want others creating their own nickname for her.

Op I don’t seem it but totally on your side. I have 3 dc in their 20’s who have long names but we only call them the shortened version, with the intention being the shortened version when we named them, it’s worked well in that thankfully everyone does. But in your case - 2 people calling her the version you don’t want - it’s fine, Either she’ll correct them or it’s a thing the 3 of them have.

May this thread be cautionary of people naming a child a name they don’t want!

I think YANBU. We have a child with a long name but we only ever intended to call them the short version. We just always called them the short version and when they were a bit bigger we told them what the long version was. The child has had no issues with that.

Have a look at the thread from earlier in the week where people were saying that getting someone's name right is basic respect and purposely changing it or getting it wrong is a power play and all-round dick move.

she's explained that it was a compromise due to her and husband having very differing tastes and his insistence of a traditional name on birth cert.

This.

Ooh yes, do this OP! Can’t believe the PPs saying it’s ok. It’s not, it’s disrespectful. You’re her parents and you’re the ones who decides what she’s called until she’s old enough to make her own choice. (Mum of teenage Natasha here and we and the GPs are the only ones who don’t call her Tash 🙄)

…find it more odd that you had all that time before you were pregnant, plus 40 weeks of being pregnant, to find a name you both liked - and ended up being so rushed, that you put a name on a BC that you didn’t even like.

Also I think my view is coloured that I've got a short name (like Katie) and have had people who have insisted on calling me Catherine even though that is not my name. And I think what a prat it makes those people seem. Your DD will see DGPs for all their petty behaviour when she's older and hopefully with all the panache and tact of a three-year-old will tell them quite bluntly to stop calling her that. And it will be a beautiful moment to witness. 🤣

PFB? Charlotte is her name. She will need to learn that first surely.huge overreaction.

The issue obviously isn’t the multiple names - loads of children have pet names and nick names - it’s more that they are being pretty rude and acting like the choice of name is theirs to make. Your partner needs to stop avoiding conflict as this is a really simple matter: they had their opportunity to choose their own children’s names but they don’t get to do that with a baby who is not their daughter. Nicknames are fine, but not if they are knowingly annoying the parents.

Your in-laws and DH are dicks. Her name is Lottie and that is the name that they should be using. Is DH scared to bring it up with his parents or does he agree with them?

DH didn't want to discuss it when I was pregnant because we couldn't agree. I tried to sort a name out a million times. We also didn't know the gender.

This is a pet peeve of mine, parents putting a name on the birth certificate but using a different name for the child.

I have sympathy for the grandparents as they are using the child’s actual name. Yet, parental wishes should always win out unless it is a safety issue so if you don’t want them to use her name that is your right and they should respect it.

She won't get confused. My D has a long name, various shortened versions of it that various people use and sometimes her middle name gets thrown it too because I hyphenated her names for school because I thought it sounded pretty. I call her by a particular nickname that no one else does. She manages fine.

He appreciated my concern that it would confuse her (although PPs have assured me it won't so that's now a non-issue) but doesn't like to potentially upset his parents. It wouldn't be a "mum, please just call her Lottie", but a huge tear-inducing row, apparently. I don't see why it would cause such issues but there have been other things that I saw as small issues which apparently are huge, world-ended atrocities so I clearly just don't understand them.