About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

user873628 · Today 17:48

I'm more pissed off with DH than with them refusing to use Lottie, although I do think their comments about the name have been rude.

I agree, it was rude and insensitive of them and they should have kept schtum. A bit like pretending you liked the awful present, or the prison food for dinner is delicious.

If you don’t like Charlotte at all - you shouldn’t have named your daughter Charlotte. That’s a bit weird. People will call her it, she may call herself by her name! What a surprise.

This would be an over reaction. You are encouraging the OP to cut off her nose to spite her face. She has said quite clearly she wants her daughter to have a full, formal name so she can decide when she is older whether to use it or shorten it.

I’d be annoyed about this too however if they were telling this from their perspective it would be ‘Our dil is annoyed we call the baby her name’ and people would be inclined to side with them. Maybe just keep reinforcing the name Lottie and as soon as she is old enough she will correct them herself I’m sure.

What will you do if she decides she prefers to be called Charlotte when older? I don't believe that it wouldn't irritate you immensely, you really dislike her name.

Just re register her as Lottie or choose another of the billion plus names there are in the word.

Well I agree with your ILs.
That's exactly what it sounds like to me or else a lot of something or auction lots.
I think Charlotte is a much nicer name.
Also your husband has as much right not to mind whatever they call her.
Don't waste your energy on such trifles.

I’m a Charlotte and I’ve been a Char, a Charlotte, a Charley and a Lottie my whole life depending on who’s talking to me. Can’t say I’ve ever been confused.

If her birth name is Charlotte then that’s what she’ll be registered at school as so she’ll have to get used to that anyway as she’ll be called that on every register, and will have to correct the teacher herself if she wants to go by Lottie. It’ll be more confusing for her if she isnt used to ever answering to Charlotte imo. Same as when she goes to work, she’ll have to request if she wants her email set up as Lottie, as she’ll be Charlotte on payroll.

So I’d say if you don’t want her being called that by anyone or have concerns about confusion being caused by two names then you’re best to get her name changed now whilst she’s still little.

Well - it is her name, so in that sense, you can’t really object to their using it. But I would find what you describe rather irritating as well. What about a “fire with fire” approach. Refer to them as “Grandmother and Grandfather”. Or “Grandmother DH’s Surname. They like to be formal and use full and proper appellations, after all….

They are right though. Lottie is a scullery maid's name. Charlotte is 100000 x nicer.

How do they refer to themselves? Granny and Grandad? Nan and Grandad? Refer to them as Grandmother and Grandfather: “Lottie, Grandmother has come to take you out”, etc.

Your DH is weak. He needs to nip this in the bud else they’ll be controlling your DD too soon.

If you don’t like Charlotte at all - you shouldn’t have named your daughter Charlotte. That’s a bit weird.

She explained that it was a compromise, neither is 100% happy.

I would ignore it but when they ask 'How's Charlotte' just keep asking 'Who?' in the most annoying way.

Do some passive agressive high pitched baby talk "Oh Lottie, silly old Grandma keeps forgetting your name doesn't she? Yes, she does, what a sillybilly Grandma is.. maybe silly old Grandma has been on the sherry "

Indeed

I would let this go for an easy life. Your daughter won't get confused, believe me. I have a name that has multiple diminutives, most of them used when I was small, and have not a single memory of being confused.

Your in laws are extremely rude. However, I wouldn’t worry at all about your dd getting confused- children cope with this sort of thing absolutely fine.

Sevensummers1 · Today 18:00

I’m a Charlotte and I’ve been a Char, a Charlotte, a Charley and a Lottie my whole life depending on who’s talking to me.

Ah, there was a girl in my class, who mostly went by Charlie, but also Shar, sometimes.

I've a cousin Georgina, who is mostly George, sometimes Ginny - different family members.

But she must accept that her daughter will be called Charlotte by some, as it’s her given name ?

I can understand it must be frustrating to have your reasonable request ignored. I wouldn't worry too much though, OP. I grew up bilingual with my name pronounced extremely differently in the two languages, never confused me and didn't delay normal baby milestones etc

Children become fully bilingual from the time they can speak by hearing two different languages. Her coping with two versions on her name is a complete non-issue, so don’t fret about that.

Your in-laws being rude and condescending towards a name is a separate issue and one your DH should address.

Yes I fully accept that. I was specifically concerned about the short few months whilst she is learning to recognise her name.

Lots of children grow up being called variations of their name. It has never caused anyone a problem.

This isn’t a hill to die on.

There is obviously more going on than the name thing but honestly she will be fine being called different things by different people. I was called one name by by parents, another by my DGM and another by my Auntie it didn't mean I didn't know what my name was.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · Today 18:04

But she must accept that her daughter will be called Charlotte by some, as it’s her given name ?

I suppose, but I was just pointing out that it was a compromise, they agreed to disagree!

Given that that grandma is actually using the child's name that would only make OP look stupid.

This is no more confusing than you exclusively calling her Lottie her whole life and her seeing Charlotte on her BC. Nick names are one thing but if you steadfastly wanted her to be Lottie, then that should be her formal name? Then they wouldn’t be able to do anything. They are simply calling the child by the name on her BC (which you gave her) because they prefer it.

Appreciate history between you but this isn’t the hill to die on. It’s irritating, but just carry on calling her Lottie in front of them. She won’t get confused unless you literally live with them and share custody and even then she would respond to more than one thing. How else do people raise bilingual kids?! They have immense capacity for understanding language and words.

Ideally your DH would step in and correct them if this was a truly united front but he’s not willing to.