About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

I was called many different derivatives of my long name growing up!

My dad had a baby name for me which I love and he still uses today, and my mum a longer version of that nickname (one more syllable) which she also still uses. Never used my full name except when talking about me to others and in birthday cards.

My siblings use both as well as my full name.

School friends called me yet another nickname (actually a few - some less flattering!)

My grandparents called me by my full name

As does my husband.

Caused me zero confusion and I actually quite like the personal touch from people in my lives. YABU!

That is nonsense if the parents are ok with it

@Ponderingwindow but when it's a well established shortening it's quite normal.
Alexander/Alex
Robert/Bobby
Elizabeth/Lizzy
Benjamin/Ben
Margaret/Maggie
etc.
Charlotte to Lottie is pretty normal.

My dogs respond to 'dickhead' if I look at them with a smile and say it enthusiastically, so I don't think you need to worry! I was always known as my 'Sunday name' (birth certificate name) amongst grandparents and an abbreviated nickname with close family and friends. If using her full name causes upset with your daughter as she gets older, then you may need to have the conversation with the inlaws again, but I wouldn't create an issue where there isn't one.

You're not even being tongue in cheek. You really are as snobby as her in-laws. Lottie is much nicer than Charlotte.

Nicknames are normal. Nobody gets confused by them. You have a you problem, not a DH problem. Your DH and his parents like her name and don’t see using it a gross insult. It’s her actual name. It’s regrettable that you’ve given her a name you don’t actually like but you have to take at least some of the responsibility. One of the loveliest things about my childhood was having a grandma who loved me so incredibly. One of the nicest things about being a parent is seeing the relationship that develops between grandparents and grandchildren. - not just when they are tiny (the very young and the very old being natural allies) but when they are stroppy teens or independent young adults and they have this whole extra thing going on.

The problem itself isn't one really - she'll learn her name.
The wider issue is them just doing it to be awkward and being rude about it and your DH not standing up for himself or you. Hopefully it won't set the precedent for future dealings with them.
RE. Victorian maid - I feel like that about all the Milly, Molly, Tilly names so do understand that, but Lottie is just the littlest one in A Little Princess.

If there's a lot of hurt, go LC or NC and get paid childcare. You can't really get free childcare and dictate much to them really. I can totally see why this is not a hill your dh wants to die on. Probably doesn't want to risk all that money you're both saving from getting free childcare from them and/or upsetting them just because you are hung up on what they call your dd (which actually happens to be her legal name). I suspect the issue is not really the name. You probably feel a lot of resentment due to the past, and your dd's name is just the bone you've picked to fight for. You need to either get paid childcare or move on.

I've grown up being called lots of different names. Not my real name but if it were Sarah Louise, say, parents called me Sarah, brothers and cousins called me Lulu, some people called me Lou. Some friends, for some reason, decided I was Lizzie. Don't know where it came from, it just landed and stuck.
I think young kids are quite capable of working out different people call them different/diminutive names.

Why is he the boss? I assume that he prefers Charlotte and that is why he isn't correcting his parents.

I'd love to go LC but DH doesn't and so I try my best to keep the peace for his sake. They don't do childcare, we pay for it full time.

We had a similar issue with our DD. We adore her nickname but in laws hated it, said it sounded too playful and childish and that her actual BC name was much nicer.
After a few attempts to stop them, we gave up.

One year they got her cards and presents for her birthday with her BC name on and she just looked and went "Who's S? My name is L." They tried to explain but she said she didn't like to be called S and please would they call her L like everyone else.

Half now call her L, but the other are quite stubborn and still call her S and then tell us she's rude when she either (politely) corrects them or doesn't respond.

I don’t honestly think it’s that big a deal. I bet there are loads of GPs whose GDs were called Liz or Lizzie but they called her Elizabeth, or a Susie was called Susan by the GP. I can’t say I’d be annoyed at them calling her by her proper name rather than the diminutive.

I’d reiterate via text that she’s learning her name and it’s Lottie. If they don’t want to then I’d not let them have her… simple! Your child your choice. Your DH sounds like wet blanket.

Just wait a little and if she is anything like my DGD she will correct them😂

She won't be confused. I'm sure you have a ton of nicknames for her already as well as her given name. Babies are incredible the way they absorb language. She'll figure it out, so don't stress on that count. But your ILs do sound incredibly annoying and rude. There is something very insulting about rejecting someone's name. Not sure where they find the cheek to decide they aren't going to use her name, and what they think they are going to get out of it. They are pissing you off, causing you some needless anxiety and causing tension between you and your DH. Result.

No he prefers Lottie but just has strong opinions on names.

Should have just called her Lottie, would have prevented this issue!

I have a Lottie who is just Lottie!

YABU. If you want free childcare then this the price you pay, when they’re looking after her you can’t dictate what they call her or what they do really, as long as they keep her safe of course. Her name is Charlotte and it’s a beautiful name, I don’t see the problem. My DD has a name that has many nickname options and she’s been called all of them since she was born, she’s never been confused about what her name is. Now she’s older she prefers people to call her by her full name, and she tells them this whenever someone shortens it.

Aren't you concerned that the decision to have Charlotte on the birth certificate was your DH's when you wanted Lottie on there and that he is not asking his parents to stop calling her Charlotte which they are deliberately doing against your wishes?

My thought too, she’s 9 months not 9 days 😂 my in laws definitely had my little one on their own at that point, I had to go back to work by 6 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

This isn’t a hill I’d die on, particularly when they are calling her a name you chose to put on her birth certificate.

Your H is a wet wipe to agreeing one thing and doing the opposite.

It isn't free childcare!! They see her for an hour or so a few times a week when it suits them (they always ask, I never do). We pay for full time childcare at nursery.

DD has different nicknames from lots of family members and has never got confused.

At the end of the day, you named her Charlotte, and she will get called Charlotte by people, including every supply teacher she ever has.

This isn't worth driving a wedge in the relationship over.

😂😂😂