About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

If her name on her birth certificate is Charlotte, I don't see the problem if her grands parent called her that, I'd you really wanted to call her Lottie it should have been on her birth certificate in my opinion.

I understand partly, because I get mad when my in laws call me by a short version of my name that I hate, but why on earth call your daughter by a name you don't want her to be known by?

Why the hell not?

YABU. This is silly. Her name is Charlotte. What's the point in only calling her a name that's not her legal name and then getting funny when someone uses her legal name?

I agree with this.

Your DD is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand. I think it's OK for them to call her Charlotte, but it's hugely disrespectful towards you and your wishes. She is your child. Lottie is a beautiful name. It's also a name used in Phantom of the Opera, for Christine:

"Little Lotte is the name of a character in a poem called A Child's first sorrow by Andreas Munch. Christine and Raul used to read it before her father died, and Christine adopted the name. It is also a name of an old game where the little lotte has too chose from three items."

Also, I had a million nicknames growing up:

Micky
Mick
Chelle
Shelly
Mush
Mish
M
Tricky Micky
Morris Minor (don't ask)
Chelle-Belle
Mushypeas
Carrot Top
Copper Knob
Copper Top
Ginger Biscuit
The Ginge

List is endless....

You should have registered her birth as Lottie - wait until she gets to school particularly secondary school when she’ll have numerous teachers calling her Charlotte or Lottie or whatever she prefers by then….and Charlotte will have to go on all her exam entries/certificates etc which often leads to confusion. Parents really should register the name they want to use.

This, excellent response. Babies are smarter than we give them credit for imo!

She didn't choose it. Her DH insisted on it. OP doesn't like the name Charlotte at all. To get his own way, her DH told her that he preferred Lottie but they needed a traditional name on the BC and that everyone would still call her Lottie.

She would like to go LC with her PILs but her DH won't let her. He won't ask them to call their daughter Lottie either.

I understand you feeling annoyed, but unfortunately we can't control everything, let alone how our relatives are going to be calling our children. I've had several nicknames growing up, I guess it happens more often than not.

YANBU. We have done the same thing with DS and no one calls him the longer name and if they did I would be annoyed too. They should respect what you have asked. The name you have chosen to call her is her name. People put longer names on birth certificates for different reasons, for instance a family name for the sake of tradition, doesn't mean others should ignore the name you have chosen to call your child every day! (For example - Joseph/joey, frank/frankie, thomas/tommy edward/ted, rosemary/rosie, etc)
They're being rude.

Her name is Charlotte which is a lovely name. I'm not keen on shortening names as a name to use all the time. If you wanted her called Lottie then that should be on her birth certificate. Lottie is fine for a little girl / teen . But Charlotte is far better for a woman. Quite honestly I see what they mean about the scullery maid. Sorry just my opinion.

I think IL are kinda unreasonable to call your DD Charlotte because they don't like Lottie. They're entitled to their opinions but should respect your choice.

BUT Charlotte is her name, Lottie is your nickname for her and maybe if Lottie is your hill to die on you should of called her Lottie. It's not like they're calling her a completely different name they might have picked

She won’t get confused. My daughter gets called her full and shortened version and there’s no confusion.

At the end of the day you have her a full name so they will use if. If you had just called her Lottie or told them it’s just Lottie then they would have had no choice but to use it. You can’t really get mad that they are calling her by her name. If you prefer Lottie over Charlie and they called her Charlie I would understand but they’re just using her actual name.

I don’t understand the two names? If you wanted her name to be Lottie, why did you put Charlotte on her BC? My daughter’s name is Charlotte, it’s on her BC. When she was born, someone in my family said “Ew, she’ll get called Lottie.” My reply was “Not by me she won’t.” She has never been called Lottie by anyone - because that’s not her name. She gets called either Charlotte or one of her other nicknames 😂. The trouble is, Lottie sounds like a full name as well as a nickname.

My parents would have thought exactly the same, Charlotte not Lottie. My mum was christened a shortened form of Elizabeth and she’ s been peeved about it all her life.
OP, let it go. Simply not worth worrying about. Lottie will grow up knowing all versions of her name and not even blink.

Lottie is a perfectly nice name by itself and has definitely become a name in its own right (plenty of traditional and classic names were initially nicknames)

I would have just named her Lottie. Nowadays Charlotte doesn’t naturally turn into Lottie as a nickname in the same way Thomas will inevitably get ‘Tom’ or Christopher will be called ‘Chris’. It’s something that will need to be stated and specified.

Oh don’t be ridiculous! She’s not going to get confused. Has any child grown up thinking their name was “sweetheart”, “munchkin”, “honey”, “love”, “darling”, “dear”, ???

I think I’ve made my point.

I think this is bothering you more than is reasonable to be be bothered because there’s some history with the in-laws. Don’t make this your hill to die on.

"Not a hill worth dying on"
So MN!
So true in this case.
Choose your battles.
She won't be confused, honestly.

If you didn't want anyone calling her Charlotte, ever, you should have just put "Lottie" on the birth certificate. I can't remember a single child at school who was confused about having a long-form and a short-form of their name. Just off the top of my head there's Lizzie, Chrissie, Kate, Millie, Nikki, Jo, Jess, Jen, Ted, Joe, Ant, Tony, Tim, Chris, John, Ben, Matt, Jim, Nick... could go on but you get the idea.
My MIL is the only one who calls our DC by their full name, but that is the name, and we chose it, so it's a total non-issue. We wouldn't have put a name we didn't like on the birth certificate.

I do not understand why people have a name they want to use (in this case Lottie), then put a different name on the BC. Her actual name is Charlotte so you can’t really complain if people prefer that and want to use it. However, if you want Lottie and want others to use it, the bigger issue here is really why is your DH such a pathetic woose with his parents.

Couldn't you just tell them that Lottie is on the bc?

My great-aunt always used full versions of names. I loved that someone bothered to use my full long hyphenated first name rather than a couple of letters from it.

I'm a Charlotte, my nickname was Lottie as a kid. But my mum loves using long made up names lottiemus etc. When I was a teen I had people use both. I'm now known as Charlotte only and only lottie by really old friends.
I have also now done the same as you, called our girl Winnie. That's what I want her to be known as but she's registered as Winona. It would annoy me if people close to her used Winona knowing full well we would like her to be known mainly as Winnie. Especially at a young age before they know about names.