Were you happier in your child free life?

[Kickingleavesaround]

Rare day alone today, remembering the peace, the slowness and doing whatever you wanted, long doh walks, laying on the sofa all afternoon watching what you wanted, trips to pubs or beach bars…adore my Dd, more than anything in the world, but I think I was happier then, in a different way, god life was so easy! I had no idea

I was not happier without kids. It's not that I was lonelier, although that is somewhat true. I lacked purpose and I was not fully grown up. I look at life in ways I never would have had I not had kids.

I'm curious why all the anti family propaganda is appearing on this forum and others? This is the UK. Many people don't have children and do not seem to be greatly criticised for it. I didn't have mine until 36 and felt no pressure or criticism.

Is it jealousy, justification or certain political viewpoints which are anti family/anti human? Just curious x

*Dog walks

Happy before and happy after.

I'm equally unhappy lol.

I had my first child at 16, i’m 47 now and my youngest of 3 is 16. I can’t wait to be free to go on term time holiday’s, to move where I want to live 250 miles away after staying where I am due to good schools. I suspect i will be happier yes being free to do things for me, as what I want has come last for 31yrs. Love my kids to bits, but I can’t wait for some freedom! I very much enjoy socialising with friends a lot now, no babysitter needed. Bliss

It is cropping up all over the place isn't it!

I do all the things you do nearly every weekend. My DC are grown but I also did that stuff when they were small, taking it in turns with DH.

You will get there sooner than you think.

Me too 🤣

I don't have children (not through choice). I take offense at the suggestion that I'm "not fully grown" due to not having children. Some people grow through being parents and others walk out never to be heard of again except via a bank transfer! There's many, many terrible parents out there and you can read about them all day, every day.

Yes, I'm sure that many parents grow through the experience but equally many others do not.

No. I wasn't happier. I love this life raising children. There's lots of ways to live a good life but this is my favourite way to spend it.

I love having kids, it's more tiring but I am happier.

Much happier before kids

No, not happier. I didn’t appreciate what I had.
Everything was much, much easier though.

Anyway, there's different kinds of happiness. I see that my friends with children, specifically the ones who seem good parents, sacrifice an awful lot and work very hard. They seem happy in a way that does not focus on their own needs.

I don't think it can be compared.

Childfree, I didn't have the worries I have now about their safety but I couldn't appreciate that at the time.

With kids, there are many moments of extremes. Extreme stress when they are pushing back, worry when they'll are sick but joy in their happiness and general amazingness.

When they grow up, I'll enjoy term time holidays and grandparenting but miss the never ending clubs and tiny hand holds.

Rose tinted specs for all stages of life.

It’s hard to compare because my life was completely different in most ways - different house, different area, different job etc. In many ways I’m much happier, I adore my son more than anything and absolutely love exploring the world with him.

Having said that, I spent last weekend with a group of friends who don’t have any children, and their lives were SO different. They can just sit in a pub all afternoon, stay in bed until midday, do whatever really. Part of me misses that. But I wouldn’t go back.

I have the best of both worlds, DD goes to her dad's every Sunday so I have the whole day to do as I please. Overall I thoroughly enjoy my parenting experience but I think only having 1 child, getting to parent my way 99% of the time without having to compromise with another adult and having one day off a week is a massive game changer.

No, I wasn’t happier. I was still happy, but it was just different, not quite as complete feeling. Now I’m just exactly where I’ve always wanted to be, a mother to a beautiful toddler, pregnant with the next and happily married to a good man, I just can’t really imagine any situation where I’d be happier. Less tired I expect, but certainly not happier!

I think personally that my life before children lacked purpose and I would find things to fill my time that weren’t that good for me - drinking (after work drinks that rolled onto going to club, lunchtime drinking because why not) laying around being unhealthy, being hungover, eating unhealthy food, being lazy and feeling bored a lot of the time especially at weekends when I wasn’t at work.

Now I look forward to each day with the kids, what we will do. I keep fit and healthy, I try and be a good role model, I enjoy doing things to make them happy because I know this makes me feel happy and also now I feel like I have so much more patience than I used to have, I hope i am more tolerant, more accepting, generally I think I am a much nicer person.
I also really appreciate when I do have time alone whereas before I would not.
I suppose for me I have balance in my life.

Much happier with kids

No
life seems purposeless than

I've chosen not to have children and have been criticised more times than I can count because of this. If I had a pound for every time I've heard "you'll change your mind / who will look after you when you're old / you don't know what real love is / it's what women are meant to do" etc etc id be a very rich woman!

My children are grown up now. I love them beyond anything I could describe.

But as a parent you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child, and one of mine has been and is still very unhappy. It's absolute torture, and much worse than dealing with life's problems yourself.

I would never, never say this to my childless friends (who say they are childless through choice) but I do sometimes think that's something you avoid if you don't have children. The unspeakable pain and misery of your children's suffering, and the worry about the future for them.

Sorry if this sounds miserable - but to me this is more important than just losing your freedom and to some extent your identity when you become a parent. That's a temporary inconvenience which is over before you know it!

God No! I experience so much more joy, wonder, pride, happiness. I experience worry for them, sometimes it can be hard, and when they were small it was relentless, but I feel I went through a metamorphosis and I would never go back to who I was before.

No. But mine are not babies/toddlers who need EVERYTHING from me anymore. I get to lounge or chat or have a joke with them. It’s all much more chill as they get older. If you feel more unhappy now and have little ones, take heart. It does get easier, I promise.