Were you happier in your child free life?

[Kickingleavesaround]

Rare day alone today, remembering the peace, the slowness and doing whatever you wanted, long doh walks, laying on the sofa all afternoon watching what you wanted, trips to pubs or beach bars…adore my Dd, more than anything in the world, but I think I was happier then, in a different way, god life was so easy! I had no idea

Definitely happier after!

I’m happier in some ways and definitely wouldn’t be without her. Looking back, I literally created worries, was so in my own head and lived a free life like an overgrown teenager. I had responsibilities-career, mortgage and health worries, but looking back, nothing in reality was hard, I wasn’t actually tired

I’m happier with kids. We decided it was time when we started taking stuff for granted. For example, we went out to dinner every night because we couldn’t be bothered to cook, it wasn’t something to looked forward too, we had loads of holidays and trips away so again we stopped looking forward to it.

Now we have DD and one on the way. We enjoy every bit of alone time so much more than before, we don’t take it for granted. But still have all the love, laughter and joy that having kids brings. Life is so much harder, but in a really good way, it was a bit boring before and we appreciate our lives so much more now.

Don't know about happier. I remember being quite unhappy at times before kids and DH came along. I managed my anxiety better. Now I'm fraught with anxiety about everything, money, health, schools, life...things felt easier to overcome when I just had myself to worry about.

Genuinely so much happier now! Absolutely love having family cuddles in bed on Sunday morning. We had an amazing Halloween party yesterday where we all dressed and did apple bobbling, piñatas, films, scary looking Halloween food. We’re prepping for a family Hol now. It just brings me so much joy having my ‘little’ friends experience the magic of childhood. Little things like picking out a kiddie magazine and toy at the shop makes it the best day ever for them. Maybe I’m just built very mumsy- dunno! But I’m really enjoying this season. When they’re grown there will be soooo many more years of lie-ins and lazy days (far more than the child-rearing ones) so don’t feel like I need to worry about that. Soon that’ll be the rest of my life.

EDIT: to add that we do regular date days, I work out every day, and in general we do prioritise romance and self care (which may help balance things).

Life was easier sure, but I'm as happy now as I was before. The focus of life shifts from the fun of finding a new restaurant to your kid excitedly showing you their certificate from school or telling you about a new friend.

I will say there was a bit when DD was born and I had PND that I was much less happy, but thankfully that has passed.

Edit as pressed post too soon.

Same, totally agree. I’ve come to the conclusion that some who have children didn’t have an amazing life beforehand, so for them there is less to miss.

No I’m definitely happier having had children. It was tough when they were young but now that’s all behind me I can enjoy have two adults in my life who I love more than anything else in the world. Life started getting easier once they went to senior school as I wasn’t a slave to school gates.

I'm glad I had both a pre children time and now being a parent time. The pre children time certainly ran it's course. Going out in town at weekends and party holidays with friends was fun it the appeal of it was certainly starting to wane. I love being a mum now and couldn't think of anything worse than still living the pre children time at my age.

Yes, I think I was. But it’s a season, and those days will return in some form. There is also no telling what this portion of my life would have looked like had I not been able to have children (since I actively wanted them) – I think the lazy days at pubs may have worn thin if going through a decade of wanting to have children but not being able to, and then the subsequent years of knowing it’s too late regardless. So swings and roundabouts.

I think that's a bit judgey. I absolutely had a great time before children. I've travelled to many different countries, completed a PhD, developed a fulfilling career, and was very happy. I've now got DD and I'm still very happy. Life is less international for a while, but it has expanded in other ways. It's fun to teach someone about the world, for example. I'm happy now and I was happy before, just living differently.

I don’t miss any of my life before children really and I consider my life to have been a pretty amazing twenty something life consisting of a good job, living in london blah blah blah but now i have kids i just love and enjoy my life so much more

Yes. Motherhood is not something I'd choose again tbh.

I agree with this and it's the main reason I regret having children. Although if I'd not had children I'd never have known and probably would have been miserable for other reasons.

To answer the op, I was probably happier before having kids but I was happier with kids than I am now that they're older. I'm free to do what I like within the constraints of chronic fatigue, mental health problems, needy dogs and elderly mother, but it's not much fun all you do is lie around watching YouTube and reading MN.

Not to mention the suggestion that childfree/ childless people are immature and our lives lack purpose. Sometimes it's less direct criticism but more condescension.
There is a lot of criticism though of 'childless cat ladies', especially coming from the US but spreading loudly online at the moment.

Happier with my son. I’ve always enjoyed life, but I look back now and wonder what I always used to do? I can’t believe I used to think I was so tired 😂 I was busy but life feels so different now, I really love spending time with my son, I love seeing things through his eyes. Brought back happy memories of my childhood too.

I had always planned to be child free, I do sometimes wonder what I’d be up to had we decided not to have a child. So many of my friends have children now, I wonder if I’d feel a bit isolated? But I’m definitely happier now!

Oh, give over. You might like to believe that, I'm sure it's a soothing narrative for those who feel they lack the joy experienced by other parents.

Oh that's awful! I cannot get my head around people who feel free to say these things to other women.

I have far more respect for someone who's given things plenty of thought and made a serious decision not to have children than one who's managed to accidentally have six, and doesn't know what to do with them!!😃

Exactly. If you don’t know both sides of it, you can only make things up.

Reminds me of a quote from 40 Days and 40 Nights.

"It's an island, babe. If you didn't bring it here, you won't find it here."

I think the same is true for most things. If your life is empty before something, it will be empty after. Fix yourself first, because hoping something else will fix it probably won't work.

I wasn't happier then . I was more Carefree. But I'm not sure what I did always made me happy.

I'm more content now. Although often find life frustrating with 3 dc , dh and dpets.

I was happy before kids.. but I’m happier now, more content, more confident. I really enjoy being a mum, my kids are wonderful, cheeky, funny little humans😄

I do worry more than before. I was quite care free pre kids. I’m more conscious of the world and what’s happening in it because of my children.

I've often heard it said that having kids gives you the highest highs but also the lowest lows. There's a lot to be said for a life that steers a steady course between the two. I was originally childless not by choice but now at 63 I am very content with my life.

No my children saved me. I guess I was happyish before but in my late teens/early 20s I seriously struggled. I recovered and had twins pretty early but I could not cope at all for the first few months. I think I was prepared for one, not for two! But after I got help, I have never been happier. I had 3 more and they all fill me with so much joy. I truly think I wouldn't have been happy without them.

I'm chid free again now they're all grown up and I can say with honesty I greatly prefer my life now. I have more money, more freedom and I'm healthier physically and mentally than I was when I was working so hard combining raising the DC with my job and other commitments. That said, I don't regret those years, it was the price I paid to have these amazing people in my life, and there were times of great joy that I wouldn't have missed for the world. I'm lucky as an involved grandma I now get to do the best bits again without the work, and to me that's the perfect life. Before I had DC? No, I wasn't happier then. I didn't have the resources to enjoy the freedom other people speak about.