Were you happier in your child free life?

[Kickingleavesaround]

Rare day alone today, remembering the peace, the slowness and doing whatever you wanted, long doh walks, laying on the sofa all afternoon watching what you wanted, trips to pubs or beach bars…adore my Dd, more than anything in the world, but I think I was happier then, in a different way, god life was so easy! I had no idea

I was happy before I had my children, and I’m
happy now. I find happiness in different places, and in ways I’d not considered before I had them. However I imagine that to be true whether you have children or not. I don’t know anyone who would say that the exact things that made them happy at 25 do at 35.

However I don’t think it’s as simple as just happier before or after. I desperately wanted my children. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a mam. I was very lucky that I was able to have them easily. Had I not been so lucky, I know without doubt I would have found happiness. However I’m pretty confident that FOR ME there would have always been an underlying feeling that MY life would have been happier if I’d been able to.

Before my life lacked purpose and I was drinking far too much. I suspect I may have ended up drifting into alcoholism if I hadn't had DC.

I was making a conscious effort to change, though, I had made plans to move cities for a fresh start when I discovered I was pregnant. So maybe things would have improved either way

The huge change in lifestyle that can with having DC definitely did improve things though.

I’m 72 -have DCs and DGCs -do not envy friends without children.

There’s a difference though between saying you don’t grow up until you have kids (implying that no one grows up until they have kids) and saying you personally didn’t grow up until you had kids. That’s can absolutely be someone’s experience and that’s perfectly valid. You can’t say someone hasn’t experienced something.

If it's that person's experience, you can't just tell them it isn't, or not to say it because you don't like what you assume it says about other people.

I don't think that implies that ALL people need DC to properly grow up at all. You're adding that inference.

I'd say that's true for me tbh. I didn't grow up properly till I had DC, and I'm sure plenty of my peers would say the same. Having said that, I know plenty of people (mostly men) who haven't grow up properly even though they have DC, and plenty of other people who didn't need DC to be properly responsible and grown up.

The key is to have kids then break up with your partner and aslong as their not shitty you get the best of both worlds.

What about the kids - do they get the best of both worlds?

I think so my daughter loves it over their

I think a thread being started saying they are more miserable as a mother isn't exactly great either!

How can you know though? You were getting older and didn’t experience that without children.

What do you think would have happened if you didn’t have children? Would you have grown up??

I also think I didn’t properly grow up until having kids

I honestly never have grown up really!

I'm so much happier with my DD than before I had kids. And I thought I was alright then! I had education, partner, good career.

But kids give my life so much purpose and meaning everyday, I love it :)

I agree with this. It might not be true for everyone, but I was super immature because I had kids. And I didn't have kids until my 30s so imo I had plenty of time to "grow up" but I didn't really.

I also feel like pregnancy/postpartum hormones changed my personality slightly. I'm a lot more empathetic towards other people than I was pre kids.

No but having children changed me and growing up was one of those to bugs. I’m sure I would have grown up without kids but it wouldn’t have been much a quick change and maybe it would have been a different kind of growing up. Having complete responsibility over another life who is helpless is obviously going to change people.

Happy before and happy now!

I love being a mother even if it can be a slog. I now really value time to myself in a way I never did pre DS. So if I do get it I really savour it.

My happy child free time was in my 20s and I don't think I'd be that happy at this stage of life without children. I think some people can have very happy lives without children but I have always wanted them. We had a few fertility issues (nothing to what some people go through) and that made me very unhappy for a bit. So now just very grateful!

I've never once wished I could go back to my pre-children life. Although it was fun at the time, I would have been fed up with it after a while. I liked exploring the world with the children, and sharing experiences with them. It's definitely true that the days were much more up and down with them to look after, and at times it could be hard to fit everything in, but I wouldn't have changed it.

My mother had dementia and it got to the point where I had to assume the parent role. So maybe you don't have to have children to do that sort of growing up.

Yes I’m sure it’s not the only way to get that kind of experience but for me personally that’s how it happened.

Different kinds of happy, and I don't think you appreciate what you've lost till it's gone.

So yes, when DD was little I missed the lie ins and the ability to do what I wanted when I wanted.

And now DDs a teenager and I can have a lie in again I miss the days out watching her experience things for the first time, and the hugs.

Give it a couple more years and she'll go to uni and Me and DP will have the house to ourselves again, but I'll miss Gaming with DD, or long conversations about TV shows we both watch or politics or going to gigs with her.

All of these phases had things that made me happy, and all had downsides too. (The hangovers before DD, the toddler tantrums, the teenage eyerolls).

I had my first at 18 (1990) followed by another in 2011 and another in 2013. I honestly can't remember what it was like before kids and feel like I've been a Mother my whole life.

I was happy before and briefly, whilst they were tiny, I’d have said I was happier without kids. They’re older now and an absolute joy. My life is so much better with them in it, and other than the constant washing, I can’t think of anything they do which makes me unhappier than I’d be without them. They’re my favourite people (along with my husband) to spend time with, and childfree time now has a real novelty to it. I think I’d be bored without my children!

More stress-free, but not happier.
I'm happiest now than I've ever been in my life, albeit more burnt out.