Were you happier in your child free life?

[Kickingleavesaround]

Rare day alone today, remembering the peace, the slowness and doing whatever you wanted, long doh walks, laying on the sofa all afternoon watching what you wanted, trips to pubs or beach bars…adore my Dd, more than anything in the world, but I think I was happier then, in a different way, god life was so easy! I had no idea

Day to day life is harder but I feel more fulfilled by life overall.

When they were younger I did sometimes feel a bit resentful of feeling touched out and awful sleep deprivation (we had 7 years before they both slept through). As time goes on we're finding better balance in our marriage and own personal hobbies alongside family life. Obviously I'm biased but I think my kids are gorgeous, funny and interesting little people and I love watching them develop 😊

I am much happier in myself being a mother than I was pre-motherhood. This might sound insane, but having DC "woke me up" to life. Before them I just sort of sleep walked through my life, I didn't want anything really, I didn't care about things in the same deep way I do now. Good thing, bad things, it was all the same to me. I'm not saying my life was a waste, I enjoyed it and did loads of things - travel, career, study, good friends. I was very easygoing, but I think it's because nothing really had meaning or mattered in any deep way. As soon as I had DC that all changed, and I know really experience my own life as a gift, I'm much more awake to what I want and awake to all the little moments that make up a life. I'm more uptight and serious, but my eyes are open and I don't sleep walk through life anymore.

On the other hand, I'm more unhappy because I'm stuck in a bad relationship with DC's dad, and I moved somewhere I don't like to follow his jobI. I don't want to split childcare time with him, so I stay. If I didn't have DC I wouldn't be with an arsehole and I could move, follow my career to develop, I'd be so much happier outside of this relationship. But that isn't directly tied to having DC or not, if you see what I mean. If I had had them with someone nice, I'd be much happier now than pre-DC.

I was happy before kids and I’m happy with kids, it’s just different. But people grow and change and appreciate different things with time (with or without kids) However the one things that has changed is that I was never afraid of dying before kids and now it’s a very real fear that breaks me out in a sweat when I think of it.

No, I cannot relate. I think having kid sis the happiest I have been since I was a kid myself. And I enjoyed single/ child free life.

I would say when my children are happy, I'm happier than I was when I was child free. But when they're unhappy, I was happier child free.

This is actually a very accurate summary. It's a rollercoaster. One I wouldn't miss riding though.

Before kids I travelled, started a business, had a solid relationship. Was happy.

After kids, even happier. Personally, they bring something to my life I didn't have before.

Except for the first year where I had PND.

@80smonster I (among many business owners) became more financially successful after having children. What is one thing for you doesn't mean it is the same for others.

I travel, love my work, love my family.

As I wrote in my earlier post "I suspect I may have ended up drifting into alcoholism if I hadn't had DC."

I used to look forward to my child (when under 2) being looked after and not at home. Then I wouldn't know what to do with myself!

We used to enjoy sex and have a healthy sex life.

After a complicated birth, I haven't wanted sex since. He (sort of) understands, but it has created a bit of a wall between us in that way.

I wish we could go back to how things were in the bedroom. I had no idea it would change like it did.

This

I just don't think it's comparable really. You are looking back with hindsight.
'Wow wasn't the free time amazing?' Well often it wasn't, it may have been dull or lonely... it's just when you have limited alone time because you have young kids, then alone time suddenly becomes precious and luxurious.

Tbh I think there's pros and cons to having kids and there's pros and cons to not having kids. So much so that this is an irrelevant question.
People can have lovely happy fulfilling lives with or without children.
And they can also have the opposite with or without children.

My life was certainly different before I had kids but I couldn't judge whether it was better or worse because having kids has brought me so much positive. The negative side is balanced out.
And before I had kids it was the same.. positives of freedom yeah.. but also negatives of emptiness.
But I do really think either way I'd have been just as happy.
I could have had a happy life without kids.
But I'm having one with them now.

My child is an adult now and I wouldn't change a thing. But motherhood did change me irrevocably and I never got back to the "old me". There are times I miss that version of myself, truthfully.

Was I happier before? Honestly I can't answer that - I just don't know! - but I lost a bit of myself to motherhood. OTOH, I love my child with all my heart and have never regretted my decision to have him.

Life is complicated.

I'd say I was happy in a carefree way. It's a lighter happiness.
Now with children, I'm not carefree, burdened with responsibilities but my happiness has more intensity. I see more joy in every day life.
Firstly, as learning to appreciate small joys helps me through the drudgery and secondly, seeing the world as an adventure through my children's eyes brings me a happiness I'd never experienced before.

I 100% don’t understand why a forum called mumsnet has so many anti-parenting posts.

Let us parents have somewhere to just be!

Moving on … I had mine young, at 18. I wonder what I would have been like if I never had children. Would I have felt freer - would I have partied even harder like my child free friends? Would I have travelled (even though I hate travelling). Who knows. But I’ve made the most of my life and I know people who’ve been dealt with worse cards (not that parenting is bad - but it’s non stop).

Who knows, but I have enjoyed parenting. I like it more now that my child is older and not so clingy. I’m looking forward to having my freedom again later in life. But grateful to have a house that keeps me forever entertained and crazy busy,

Time felt different before having a baby. I’m an older mum and it wasn’t long ago I was living a childfree life. I used to be an ambitious career woman. Now half my week is work (I am PT) and the other half is being with DD.

Realistically there are some things I miss from my pre-kid life. A lot of reasons have been posted by previous posters.

When I weigh it all up however, I’m happier now.

Eventually, they grow up. The hard graft of childhood and teenage angst seems to melt away. You see them taking their first steps to being an adult. You finally enjoy their company in its own right. You finally get some time back. You are proud of what they have achieved. They are nice people, You are pleased that you have been a good mother, or at least, an OK one, if you are very "lucky" you will always have one that will remind you that you were RIDICULOUS for making them "insert whatever you like here, there is always something you are RIDICULOUS for,". And, the others siblings will either agree, or say "Huh, That's nothing, do you remember when Mum "insert some other crime that you are RIDICULOUS for". I have, in my time thought "what on earth was I thinking to have four so close together" national book days, winter vomiting weeks, and god the arguing, the mess, the noise, the drain on the national grid for all of the lights left on, the lost coats, the fussy eating, the pets that they swore down they would look after, but didn't, the taxi runs, the freezer door that never shuts fully, the sleepless nights. And you know what, I think you are right 😂I could have been in the Bahamas now, afforded simply on the amount of toilet roll they constantly use ! You are definitely not being unreasonable. xxx

People are enjoy and lucky in different way.
I myself chaildfree, I enjoy sleep in till noon on my weekends. My friends are the opposite, take their children out in the morning for activities we both happy though.