If you think not having children is selfish…

[JolieFilleCommentCaVa]

Can you explain why?

Saw a thread on X/Twitter that went viral of an OP stating they were choosing to stay child free in their 20’s. Hundreds of replies telling them how ‘selfish’ they are.

What makes it selfish?

@Bluevelvetsofa The difference is, when those children are born, you have to be completely unselfish because a helpless child is dependent on you and your needs and wants are way down the list.

I wish someone had told my narc parents that. My Catholic mother only had children because her religion demanded it - she hated being a mother and wasn't shy to let myself and my two brothers know it. My father hadn't wanted children anyway. For my mother the order of priority was: Marriage, Herself, Anyone Else, Children. She was the selfish one.

None of us have gone on to have children of our own. Funny, that.

Because we made different choices than social conditioning would prescribe. It winds some people up immensely.

Happily selfish childfree person here. I don’t want to bring other humans into this shitty world tbh. If that makes me selfish so be it. Absolutely this.

To be fair to that poster, that was exactly what my mother did (it was my father who had the job, not her, though) and she was utterly miserable and made it endlessly clear that she was dissatisfied with marriage and motherhood.

If she hadn't done it, yes I wouldn't be here, but I also wouldn't know that I wasn't here, IYSWIM. So I can't get too exercised by that.

This argument makes zero sense to me. So what? I didn't ask to be here and most of the time life is fucking hard.

As somebody with three children I would say that the selfish are the ones who DO have children. Having children was 100% mine and my husband's free choice, they didn't ask to be born. We brought three people into the world 100% for our own gratification because we wanted them.
I'm glad we live in a place and time though where we can have the free choice to have children or not. I think the most unfortunate though are people who want children but can't afford them and refuse to birth children into poverty. I think that really is putting child welfare first. People shouldn't be this poor in the first place though.

I agree. People can do as they please but rarely is their motivation altruistic. I'm child free by choice, had to put up with this crap from my mother, and have given up giving a toss what anyone else thinks.

I think choosing to have children is often a lot more selfish. There are people who can barely take care of themselves who have children because they want a baby.

Really? That app is full of them.

I would never call a woman who has decided not to have children “selfish.” I don’t get it to be honest. People make different life choices, we’re all on our own learning journeys spiritually and what on earth has it got to do with anyone else whether someone decides to procreate or not? I have two children because I wanted them. I am so pleased I have them and they have good lives. My colleague at work doesn’t want kids, she’s happily married and enjoys her life in a different way.

One is not better or worse than the other and I’d never judge either way. It says more about the people doing the judging to be honest

Then please link the Xeets where this is said.

The X I see is way more likely to say that parents are the selfish ones.

What a silly, blinkered post. You know nothing whatsoever about my mother, who had me and my many siblings in a society where contraception was illegal. Not a ‘choice’. She was taken out of school at 13 because her widowed mother needed the income and was semi-literate, which meant that her chances of a middle-management job were precisely nil, and a semi in suburbia was an impossible dream.

Don’t project your own insecurities about your own life path onto others. Own them.

Considering how overcrowded our planet is and the threats from global warming and resulting lack of resources, it is arguably more unselfish to avoid having children than to have them.
But it's not a very useful way of looking at things. Wanting to have children is a huge biological urge for many people and they go ahead whatever the arguments against it. There are enough people in this group to keep numbers well topped up without childless people being accused of selfishness.

I think it’s selfish to have children - and I have children. I had them because of a biological urge to be a mother. For me. Now I have them and I love them so much and worry for them so much I would have chose not to have any. The planet does not need more people.

As opposed to people with lots of children putting a tax burden on any current tax payer adults having to pay for all the children's education and healthcare and maternity care etc?
Maybe the childfree with lots more disposable income save better so they can afford private healthcare and old age care?
Plus why is it more selfish to rely on strangers for your care in old age rather than your own children who might want their own lives?

At the end of the day, very few people actually contribute more than they take in their lives if you add everything up. Whether that's with children or not. It all pretty much evens out in the long run. So calling the childfree selfish for relying on "other people's children" is just as ridiculous as calling parents bad for relying on taxpayers to fund their children's education.

It is much better for all children to have parents that want them. If someone does not want them surely it's better that person does not have them?? How can forcing yourself to be a parent benefit a child? I'd much rather people who didn't want them didn't have them than have lots of unwanted children around.

I wanted children and couldn't have them. So I guess I'll have no choice but to be selfishly relying on other people's children in my old age. Or does the fact I wanted them mean I'm somehow not as selfish that those that didn't? Do I deserve more care in old age than those that didn't want them?

Do you seriously think most people look after their parents when they are old?

Elon Musk, the owner of the app, thinks not having children is selfish. He tweeted only 3 days ago about declining birth rates. Here's just one of many replies. There's loads of people there who think like this, all it takes is a simple search.

More of Elon Musk’s genes roaming the world is not a positive thing.

Most parents tend to receive more in benefits (e.g. child benefit, tax credits, costs of educating their children and keeping them healthy) than they pay in tax while their children are young. However, this should even itself out during their lifetimes once their children grow up, when lots of them will become net contributors.

We shouldn't only allow the wealthy to have children.

It should be a neutral personal choice whether to have children. Neither choice is selfish or unselfish. We shouldn't put a moral value on it.

I think this is it. Perfectly put. Most people do it because they think that is the only path. People coming along with alternatives and being happy with them is unsettling. It’s tied up with religious beliefs and ideas about what women should do.

So what? She'd be none the wiser.

This is another thing constantly said to the Childfree - if your parents had thought like you you wouldn't be here".

Im child free as don’t like children, plus been told by gynaecologists that my uterus is badly kinked so difficult to conceive and give birth.

Yes. It’s not some kind of ‘Gotcha!’ because a me who had never existed wouldn’t be upset about it, and also, pretty much all my decisions are different to my parents’, who in fact had very few choices.

I also think that some parents, when finding parenting really difficult comfort themselves by thinking"at least it's better than ending up childless" so when they meet people who are really enjoying that life it is also a bit triggering.

Yep jealousy! The poster probably had two small kids and was secretly thinking what have I done.

Sounds more like nothing other than envy on the part of those saying it's "selfish" not to want to have children.
"Selfish" because many struggling parents see those who state they do not want kids, as the ones that get to do what they want with their wages, not what they have to do; sponsor a child from day 1 till graduation.

"Selfish" because some see a childless person, or couple, as being materialistic and able, again, to spend their money on themselves, their home, travel, and that rankles a lot of people, especially these days when costs are so high on everything.
It always comes down to money, or the lack of it.
We all have to live with our decisions, whatever they are, the consequences are ours to accept, positive or negative, and not bringing kids into this world isn't a selfish decision at all, I'd say, quite the opposite.