If you think not having children is selfish…

[JolieFilleCommentCaVa]

Can you explain why?

Saw a thread on X/Twitter that went viral of an OP stating they were choosing to stay child free in their 20’s. Hundreds of replies telling them how ‘selfish’ they are.

What makes it selfish?

People who are not ready to have children really should not have them. It's a massive commitment and kids are so messed up by bad parenting. There are enough people in the world. It's actually very self-aware to realise that parenting is not for you.

It's very selfish to bring children into the world if you cannot afford them or are not able to provide the necessary care and attention.

It's more selfish to tell others how to live, imho.

I'm inclined to think having children is more selfish. Like fuck do people "selflessly" have children to contribute to the economy. Must people have children to satisfy an innate desire to procreate and spread their genes. It's the closest thing we have to being immortal.

Disclaimer: I have children, because I wanted to.

You wouldn't be miserable and alone in the.nursing home though
There are lots of activities going on, and people to talk too

Generally everything you do is driven initially by selfishness. "I want it, so I'll have it". Rarely is anyone ever altruistic.

SPOT ON

I think the narrative about child freedom being selfish is probably intended to dissuade women from pursuing it. I know women with children adore their kids and love being mums, but if they knew how wonderful it is to be free to live your own life in any way you wish, I think many would not be so obsessed with becoming parents.

The other thing about being child free that I love is that I am not tied to a man. I have more than one friend who told me at least a decade before the event that once their kids reached 18 they would be leaving their partner. And they did. I could not understand how they lasted for all that time.

The toll motherhood took on those women's physical and mental health was pretty awful. I helped as much as I could.

That's the other thing about being child free. It really isn't selfish because I find that I get a raw deal in the work place. If anyone was needed for weekends or evening work it was always me because they assumed I could because I didn't have kids. Also when it came to caring for elderly parents I was expected to do more than anyone else. Not to mention the help financial and babysitting that I gave to friends and close family.

Having children is more selfish. No one has children to 'give back to society' they have children as they are broody, want to be parents and crave having a little baby or toddler running around. I say this as someone going through ivf to have a baby. I'm desperate to experience play time, cosy disney movie days, the christmas hype, kids birthdays, school plays, a cute squishy baby, to watch someone i made grow into an adult. It's very me me me, them getting a job, paying taxes, and maybe contributing to the population themselves isn't the motivator to have a baby.

Twitter is just a misogynistic echo chamber, it'll be piles of men telling women they are selfish or worthless if they don't want babies or marriage, but its really their fear that they are desperately scared they won't be able to tie a woman down to pop out their kids and cater to their every need. They are trying to scare / shame women into submission.

For selfish, read jealous.. (lol - not in all cases I appreciate)

I think for some, it's a ' great replacement theory ' eugenics thing. 'Black people in Africa/ Muslims/poor people are having lots of children, but White European people aren't'
Even on a subconscious level.
I had children for selfish reasons- because I wanted them. I selfishly wish my siblings had children because my children don't have cousins. They made decisions not to have children because they liked their lives without. No reason is more or less selfish than the other.

As if people are selflessly having children to solve the problem of there not being enough future workers to do jobs in care homes!

No one knows how having kids will affect them . I believe a child's temperament is fixed at birth and we give them their morals standards and values . Some kids are easy , some are hard work . Often people who I thought would be shit parents have been wonderful and vice versa .

No one has children, or stays child free, for the benefit of society! We are all ‘selfish’ in that regard.

Not having children is neither selfish nor unselfish. Those who don't have children will have more personal time and money when they're younger but face a greater chance of being alone in their latter years. Some seem to believe that humanity is inherently bad, and therefore having children is bad. I've always found this argument - that not having children is some kind of moral high ground- to be very strange and anti human. Our species has left the trees and is now discussing colonising Mars. Yes, we've done bad things too, but we have the ability to self correct. We all depend on other people, whether we have kids or not- doctors, plumbers, farmers. They are all someone's child. Someday we'll be old and maybe dependent on others to care for us. Hopefully those people will have been raised by kind, moral and caring parents. And children are not 'unsustainable', contrary to what the climate alarmists want you to believe. Indeed, children are the definition of sustainable.

I was happily child free, then I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. It flicked a switch in my brain and I really wanted to have a baby. I got pregnant nearly a year afterwards and now I have my little boy. I don't think either choice is selfish. I am an older mum though (I was 35 when I had DS) which I think is better. I didn't want kids but the universe had other ideas!

I reckon it's mostly envy that spurs on such thinking.

One thing I do know is that there are zero guarantees that (on one point anyway) having children will ensure your care in your old age. Nope it doesn't, but often the parent requiring care becomes the "selfish" one expecting that their child/children (usually the female) runs themselves ragged trying to care for them.

Anyway who cares what someone on the internet says. I don't and will live my life according to what's best for me. Which happens to be child free and will always be.

Because they are relying on other people's kids to pay for pensions, healthcare and look after them when they are old. They are indirectly putting a massive tax burden on young people.

Agree with this (and as an Essex bird, yours is the best username ever )

It is an excellent name. Basildon should get itself some hanging gardens immediately.

I’ve never seen a demographic on X that would berate someone for not wanting children. Can you link this?

Nobody has children purely for the benefit of society. It's like the myth that having children makes people less selfish because they would put their kids first rather than themselves. Their selflessness doesn't necessarily extend to the wider society.

There are indeed many sides to the coin. You can make life choices, but then life just gives you a kick and it can come tumbling down in so many ways.

Definitely! 😂

Much easier for a certain type of person to think they’d just ‘done what everyone does’ in living some kind of enforced ritual that involved 2.4 children, a job in middle management and a semi in suburbia.

Arrogant and patronising much! If your mother hadn't decided to do" what everyone does' in living some kind of enforced ritual that involved 2.4 children, a job in middle management and a semi in suburbia" , you with your condescending attitude wouldn't even be here.

One could say both ways are selfish.

Not having kids because you don’t want them, how selfish!

Having kids because you want them, how selfish!

The vast majority of fertile adults just make the choice that is right for them. How selfish.