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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of DSD double standards

185 replies

Hater8412 · 20/10/2024 07:10

So backstory I have 2 DS (13 and 12) and DH has DSD (15) and DSS (12). We used to have DSD 50/50 but due to DH work schedule him and his ex agreed it wasn’t working for children so now we have EOW plus holidays etc.
we went on holiday in June with all children and we have not seen DSD since and when DH has tried talk to her it’s 1 word answers or just rudeness.
This week DH asked her about Xmas and coming over to be replied with ‘ I am not F’ ing coming’ but the actual word. DH was going to reply but was angry so I told him to calm down and be the day and text later when he had calmed. Yesterday he gets a link from DSD for an event she wants to go to- no apology or general chit chat first just a link so he books tickets for him and step children for a weekend we don’t have children and actually me and him had plans to this event a 5 hour drive away. I am livid that she has not been punished or bought up about her behaviour and doesn’t see him from 1 month to the next and then wants an expensive trip and it’s booked instantly. My boys adore DH and he doesn’t even come on meals out when we have them and not his children- they both choose to spent time with him and actively interact with him where as DSD is rude and then in my opinion gets a massive reward.
i am so angry I can not even talk or look at him right now and last night wanted to pack me and my boys and just leave- please tell me if I AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
Hater8412 · 22/10/2024 08:08

Helpful - unfortunately I have bad dyslexia so grammar is not my strong point neither is spelling

OP posts:
Original poster
Hater8412 · 22/10/2024 08:46

I also do have an older daughter (23) who no long lives in the home and has her own place with her boyfriend so have dealt with teenage years and in no way would she ever of thought swearing at me was acceptable

OP posts:
Marblesbackagain · 22/10/2024 08:51

Hater8412 · 22/10/2024 08:46

I also do have an older daughter (23) who no long lives in the home and has her own place with her boyfriend so have dealt with teenage years and in no way would she ever of thought swearing at me was acceptable

And was your daughter access to you at 15 reduced to two /4 days a week. Was she left months without her parent?

No? I will be very honest I would welcome the cussing because that means she is reacting not burying the pain. The fact that this situation can leave life long impact appears to be so far from your realisation it's scary.

As a woman looking at fifty, this shit fucks you up for life. It destroys your self belief, it takes years of therapy. But hey she cussed at you.

lovelydayIhave · 22/10/2024 09:06

arethereanyleftatall · 20/10/2024 07:27

So her father reduced his time with her by about 50%. You dismiss that.

She reduces her time with him and that's punishable?

This very much- have some empathy op.
She's not in standard situation plus she's a teenager, cut her some slack.

Nanny0gg · 22/10/2024 09:22

Hater8412 · 22/10/2024 08:46

I also do have an older daughter (23) who no long lives in the home and has her own place with her boyfriend so have dealt with teenage years and in no way would she ever of thought swearing at me was acceptable

You're not going to address the main points are you?

Why did you post? To prove the stepfamily stereotype?

Madamum18 · 22/10/2024 17:44

Surely you are not seriously consider walking out without talking it all through with DH! Sit down together and discuss with each other/really listen to each other. You bot need to be clear about your thinking for both your own children and for your respective step children.

I do think SD is:

a) being a teenager ...
BUT
b) showing that she is unhappy about something around her dad; the relationship; time with him or whatever.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 22/10/2024 21:13

He sees his child 50 or so days a year because of his with schedule? She has every right to be hurt and angry.

TunnocksOrDeath · 22/10/2024 21:33

If your DH was still with his ex, then he'd be seeing his children pretty much every day of the year, crappy work schedule or not, and he'd just have to crack-on.

Are her step siblings with you at least 50% of their time? If yes, imagine how that looks to her... in the eyes of a hurt 15 year old girl, he can be in the same house as THEM for half the week, but he's too busy for his own daughter.

I'm not surprised that she's told him where to shove his Christmas spirit.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2024 22:23

Hater8412 · 22/10/2024 08:46

I also do have an older daughter (23) who no long lives in the home and has her own place with her boyfriend so have dealt with teenage years and in no way would she ever of thought swearing at me was acceptable

You keep doing this op.

You keep comparing your dcs to her, despite the fact that she has every reason to be angry and upset, whereas yours did not. It's apples and oranges and not a viable comparison.

SwingTheMonkey · 22/10/2024 22:34

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2024 22:23

You keep doing this op.

You keep comparing your dcs to her, despite the fact that she has every reason to be angry and upset, whereas yours did not. It's apples and oranges and not a viable comparison.

Show quote history

Op doesn’t want to accept that this girl’s behaviour is anything to do with her husband or his poor choices.

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