Rudeness or offensive

Littlejewel · 2024-10-20T01:25:29+00:00

Is it rude to spilt a couple up at a reception without telling them and leaving one of them sat a table with five strangers.

Whoneedssnow · 20/10/2024 03:42

I don't know if rude is the right word.

But it's really quite an unpleasant thing to do.
It will quite possibly ruin the occasion for both of the couple and the one having to sit with strangers could be in for a very uncomfortable time.

christmascrazylady · 20/10/2024 03:44

Depends. Is one in the wedding party and therefore sitting on the main table

Quitelikeit · 20/10/2024 03:47

This happened to me - my husband refused to sit separately and they reluctantly moved me next to him!

You can also make a similar request

Hi X any chance me and Xxx can sit together as she doesn’t really know anyone on that table - I’m happy to sit there with her - thanks

JanglingJack · 20/10/2024 03:50

It does depend on relationship to bride or groom, top table or family together.

Neither are rude or offensive.

If you're both just friends of, and going as a couple, then it's a bit odd yes.

Topseyt123 · 20/10/2024 04:00

I would expect known couples to be seated together unless perhaps one is in the wedding party (maybe best man?) and the other isn't.

Awkward rather than rude, and could be upsetting for some couples.

Eenameenadeeka · 20/10/2024 04:52

Yes.

ManhattanPopcorn · 20/10/2024 05:00

This happened to me. They split up most of the couples. It was awful. Everyone felt awkward and drank too much. It ruined the wedding.

I don't know if I'd call it rudeness but it was very misguided.

autienotnaughty · 20/10/2024 05:30

If one is best man/maid of honour and on the top table then it's fine but ideally you would sit the other person with people they know.

If it's a random mix up and all couples have been separated as the B&G have decided all their love ones should be friends it's fine but annoying.

If it's a work do and you work in separate teams it's fine.

If the hosts have decided to sit one of you (the original friend/relation of host) with their friends/siblings /cousins and the other on some random table where you won't know anyone. Yes this is rude.

Shoxfordian · 20/10/2024 05:32

It depends on if one of you is in the wedding party and its more formal but it's not really rude, speak to people you don't know and then you will know them

CurlewKate · 20/10/2024 07:36

@ManhattanPopcorn "This happened to me. They split up most of the couples. It was awful. Everyone felt awkward and drank too much. It ruined the wedding"

That seems very strange to me. Why was it so awful to sit at a table and chat over dinner people who aren't your partner?

UrbanSquirrel · 20/10/2024 07:58

Just to offer a different perspective, it depends how formal the reception was. If the idea was to follow official etiquette (e.g. 'man, woman, man, woman' seating plan), then married couples should not be seated together. If I remember correctly, you're seated together if you're engaged or within your first year of marriage, but after that you're split up (maybe the etiquette gods assume you have nothing left to say to each other after a year? 🤔)

This happened to us recently - smart wedding, and we were put on completely different tables, as were most of the other married couples. Fortunately we lucked out and had great neighbours, but I can imagine it might be a bit of a slog if you're next to someone very boring.

Just to raise the possibility that it might very well not have been rudeness, but just that the hosts were trying to be more formal, which perhaps wasn't communicated well?

MoreCardassianThanKardashian · 20/10/2024 08:11

I see a wedding as a day to celebrate the love of my friends but also my own. We have a great time at weddings but if I didn't get to spend a significant proportion of the evening with him I'd wonder what they were playing at. I want to spend time with him, not people I don't know. My social battery would wear out in minutes and I'd have a serious change of opinion of the person who thought it was a good idea. I have had it when DP is in the wedding party and I've dreaded the run up to it but it's not been too bad in practice but I was so glad when all his duties were done. If I knew everyone I'd be happy enough but still rather be with him.

I do enough being on my best behaviour and winning people over at work, I really don't want to do it at the weekend.

toomuchfaff · 20/10/2024 09:58

All depends on the reasoning

If one is in the wedding party - so obviously is with wedding on top table then no, they can rejoin after the meal and speeches, it'll be an hour or so.

CurlewKate · 20/10/2024 10:02

@MoreCardassianThanKardashian "I want to spend time with him, not people I don't know"

Why go to the wedding then? You can do that at home or out to dinner together!

BarbaraHoward · 20/10/2024 10:03

Assuming at a wedding, then splitting up an ordinary guest couple is terrible hosting.

Splitting up a couple because one half is on the top table (best man, bridesmaid, parent etc) is very normal. If DH were in the bridal party and I wasn't I wouldn't expect to sit with him.

YellowphantGrey · 20/10/2024 10:05

ManhattanPopcorn · 20/10/2024 05:00

This happened to me. They split up most of the couples. It was awful. Everyone felt awkward and drank too much. It ruined the wedding.

I don't know if I'd call it rudeness but it was very misguided.

Sounds a really horrible wedding with no one allowed to move and no one talking to each other

Why not just leave after the meal rather than everyone sitting in silence and getting drunk?

cocobeaner · 20/10/2024 10:05

This happened to me but my DH was in the wedding party so at the top table. We hadn't been together all that long, about a year, and I barely knew anyone. I was sat with total strangers but it was fine, I'm an adult and am perfectly capable of making small talk with people I don't know for a couple of hours.

That said, other than if one of the couple is at the top table I see no need to separate couples.

Bellatrixpure · 20/10/2024 10:07

I think it’s weird and I wouldn’t like it if I was sat with 5 strangers and husband somewhere else

The13thFairy · 20/10/2024 10:11

How awful! Having to sit for an hour or so, eating a top notch meal, with five strangers! I'm kidding, slightly. I'd say splitting a couple up without notice is a dick move, but I hope you made the most of the occasion and got to know each other a bit. After all, they weren't just dragged in off the street. Yes, I spent a reception with people I hadn't previously known, and I did make the most of it, and I enjoyed myself. It can be done!

MoreCardassianThanKardashian · 20/10/2024 10:27

CurlewKate · 20/10/2024 10:02

@MoreCardassianThanKardashian "I want to spend time with him, not people I don't know"

Why go to the wedding then? You can do that at home or out to dinner together!

Because usually at a wedding I would be able to do both!

ManhattanPopcorn · 20/10/2024 10:29

CurlewKate · 20/10/2024 07:36

@ManhattanPopcorn "This happened to me. They split up most of the couples. It was awful. Everyone felt awkward and drank too much. It ruined the wedding"

That seems very strange to me. Why was it so awful to sit at a table and chat over dinner people who aren't your partner?

They were total strangers. I was at a table of, mostly men, who I had absolutely nothing in common with and have never seen since. It felt like going into a restaurant and sitting at a random table instead of with your friends.

Lemonyfuckit · 20/10/2024 10:33

I think it's inconsiderate, even if one was on top table. At our wedding the partners of the people in the wedding party were also on the top table with their partners, as, certainly in the case of two of them, they wouldn't have known anyone else. Yes it's 'the bride and groom's day' and they can 'do it how they want' but I think it's really self centred not to be considerate of your guests and to try and ensure they have a nice time. They've probably travelled, forked out money to attend etc - we wanted all our guests to enjoy themselves, not feel like it's an awkward ordeal.

BarbaraHoward · 20/10/2024 10:39

Lemonyfuckit · 20/10/2024 10:33

I think it's inconsiderate, even if one was on top table. At our wedding the partners of the people in the wedding party were also on the top table with their partners, as, certainly in the case of two of them, they wouldn't have known anyone else. Yes it's 'the bride and groom's day' and they can 'do it how they want' but I think it's really self centred not to be considerate of your guests and to try and ensure they have a nice time. They've probably travelled, forked out money to attend etc - we wanted all our guests to enjoy themselves, not feel like it's an awkward ordeal.

Or you could say it's self centered to expect the bride and groom to break generations of tradition just so you don't have to make small talk for a while.

Original poster

Littlejewel · 20/10/2024 10:50

This did become an ordeal for me as hubby was sat on top table as the Uncle of the bride. I was sat with my back to him with five strangers who took the piss out of me for drinking non alcoholic wine. They just talked amongst themselves leaving me out for most of the evening. At the end one of the men made the most offensive remark. We have not spoken to these relatives since and have no intention of doing sio,

OP posts:

Bellatrixpure · 20/10/2024 10:51

Littlejewel · 20/10/2024 10:50

This did become an ordeal for me as hubby was sat on top table as the Uncle of the bride. I was sat with my back to him with five strangers who took the piss out of me for drinking non alcoholic wine. They just talked amongst themselves leaving me out for most of the evening. At the end one of the men made the most offensive remark. We have not spoken to these relatives since and have no intention of doing sio,

That sounds really unpleasant and not a nice time for you. Did you know anyone else at the reception?