Rudeness or offensive

[Littlejewel]

Is it rude to spilt a couple up at a reception without telling them and leaving one of them sat a table with five strangers.

To be fair it sounds like it was the people at the table who were rude to you, the bride and groom didn't know that would happen.

Urgh! I really dislike silly wedding traditions. Surely you'd sit peoplw with at least somebody they know? Why wouldn't you?
People often become selfish when it's their wedding. Yea it's about them but people spend a lot of money to go.

Yes. That’s on the people at the table, not the bride and groom. I think it’s unreasonable to expect partners to be squeezed into the top table too. At the last wedding I attended, that would have meant a top table of about 45 or 50 people (bride and grooms parents both divorced and remarried, three bridesmaids with longterm partners, three groomsmen ditto, a bunch of aunts and uncles from both sides with partners, two grandparents etc.

Sounds like it was the (extremely rude) people who you were sat with who were the problem rather than you sitting separately from your husband.

The people you were sitting with sound awful but that's on them not the couple.

Why was an uncle on the top table, was he standing in for the bride's parents?

Yes was standing in for his dead brother. Yes the bride and groom knew these people well and made no mention to us about seperate tables even at the bar beforehand when we were sitting very close to two of the couples who were rude to my husband then. We only found out when going into the restuarant and the lady seating everyone said at first I don't have you and then said you are on seperate tables.

This happened to me, DH was an usher, he was put on top table andI was put on a table with strangers. TBF I didn ‘t know anyone at the wedding other than DH and the groom,so don’t know what else they could have done.

Well, I assume they thought you knew. If your DH was standing in for his dead brother as ‘father’ of the bride/groom, then he was presumably aware he’d be on the top table, and often partners aren’t seated there. They won’t necessarily have seen any reason to pre-warn you.

Or you could say it's self centered to expect the bride and groom to break generations of tradition just so you don't have to make small talk for a while.

@BarbaraHoward self centred to ensure people have a better time over tradition that really doesn't matter and makes it worse for people? Give over!

Ugh, so this was caused by stupid 'top table' medieval nonsense. YANBU.

My husband was best man and on top table. I wasn't, didn't expect you to be but I did expect to be with friends .i was with seven strangers I had zero in common with and it was awful.

I think it’s a bit lame not to be able to handle a meal with people you don’t know. After all you must have the bride and groom in common and you can make small talk that way.
I see it as a little entitled to insist on being sat together, it’s not your day, especially if your partner is on the top table. That said, I wouldn’t do it as you do want people to have at least one person they know well!

It’s a shame that you had a bad time with these other guests; and yes, your niece probably should have said in advance “Unfortunately I can’t sit you together at the top table”. But to cut her and her husband off because of it, when she cared for your husband enough to have him “stand in” for your father? I can’t get my head around that.

You sound overdramatic and petty. You had ONE uncomfortable meal. No one died or lost a limb.

They just talked amongst themselves leaving me out for most of the evening.

But surely after the speeches and the meal your DH pulled his chair over to your table?

Don't tell me he left you in that position for most of the evening??

I have 100% read this before.

Well, in this case, I assume it was very important for the bride and groom to have the OP’s DH stand in for the dead dad at the wedding, so not so much ‘tradition’ as a need to have someone stand in for a sad reason that was very close to their hearts on a day when a parent would normally be centrally involved in the wedding.

Honestly, I’d have managed to make basic conversation for the duration of the meal. Obviously, not your fault the others on your table were rude, but given that you don’t actually mention that in your first post, it seems you think it’s ‘rude’ or ‘offensive’ (?) to seat couples separately in general, not just because you were seated with people who weren’t civil?

Oh, maybe I misunderstood — I assumed that the relatives she wasn’t going to ever speak to again were the rude people on the OP’s table, not the bride and groom? If she is cutting contact with the bride and groom because she had to sit with rude people for a couple of hours without her DH, then I think the issue is just as likely to be with her DH.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parties_celebrations/5100080-upset-and-bothered?page=1

Where did you expect to be seated? As DH was on top table.

I assumed she meant the bride and groom, as she complained of being sat with strangers.

That's lovely that he stood in for his brother. I think this is the sort of spouse thing you suck up for the sake of the extended family. Have you been married long? Seems strange there wasn't anyone you know to sit with

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where people were seated next to their spouse. Same table, yes, but not next to each other surely?

I thought they might have been distant family, or relatives on the ‘other’ side whom she may not have known? But if you’re right, and she’s cutting contact with the bride and groom because of the rudeness of a completely separate set of people, it’s possible that there were more issues on the table than the other people being rude to her.

This thread makes for “interesting” reading…

Were the 224 replies you got a few months ago not enough for you OP?