Rudeness or offensive

[Littlejewel]

Is it rude to spilt a couple up at a reception without telling them and leaving one of them sat a table with five strangers.

Us single people cope being next to other people. I find it a bit out of my comfort zone but ultimately it's my job to get on with it. Sometimes you get a great table with interesting people. I find it much easier than mingling in a large party because you've got assigned people to speak to who are presumably also feeling slightly awkward. So they are glad when you open the conversation.

We seated all spouses, partners and their family groups together. Next to each other too. Why wouldn't we?

That was over 31 years ago. DH and I and our family have also all been seated together (next to each other) at every wedding we have ever been to as well, which in the early years when our friendship group were all getting married was a fair few.

It's very thoughtless and poor hosting.

I'd say bad manners rather than rude or offensive

I’ve only had this at more formal, old fashioned weddings.

And the OP’s far more detailed replies on that thread make it clear that she’s capable of quite astonishing nastiness off her own bat — she hated the dead brother and his widow, and also complains about seating arrangements at the post-wedfing breakfast the following day, even though her husband was with her.

Yes, I've just finished reading the other thread and it's clear why they didn't want her on the top table.

It's still not clear however, why her husband didn't come and sit with her after the food and speeches.

Very interesting

This happened to me once, many years ago. My OH was best man at a rather posh wedding. However, I went with a single male friend of ours and sat at a table full of farmers. I think our table had the best time!

If one person has a role in the wedding that makes them top table, then it's to be expected. Otherwise it's not great hosting no, as you should consider the comfort of your guests.

spot the extrovert!

most people spend a lot of money and effort going to weddings, it's not unreasonable to want to spend that time with people you know. Most people will also speak to the other people on their table as well, but anyone who is shy or a bit reserved will appreciate the back up of their plus one.

There's a reason it's not usual to randomly just go to bars and restaurants on your own and start chatting to complete strangers - most people prefer to socialise with actual friends/partners, which is why the normal practice is to seat people with others they know. Yes you can chat to other people and maybe make new friends but 2plus hours of polite conversation with complete strangers can drag.

This must be a thing that varies by groups of friends. Have literally never encountered it in many decades of weddings, nor at any other dinner with a seating plan. In fact people go to great lengths to avoid putting spouses together.

It was thoughtless: they obviously tried to sit you as near to the top table as possible.

It would have been better if they’d had the foresight to sit someone that you know beside you, rather than a bunch of rude, ignorant strangers

They were never going to sit the OP at the top table.

In her other thread that's been linked to here, she says she hated her dead BIL and she refers to her SIL (mother of the bride) as 'The cow'.

I'm surprised she was invited at all.

If you read the other thread about the same incident, it becomes quite clear that the OP is a nasty piece of work, and that the other five people weren’t the only rude ones at that table.

But presumably at least one of the bride and groom didn’t think these people were rude and ignorant - otherwise why invite them?

Tbf I think a lot of British weddings are uptight medieval nonsense.

Yeah I remember this too. Is it the same poster?

Partly a class thing, I imagine. Formal dinner parties of the past traditionally separated spouses, with the intention that everyone speaks to potentially new people and contributes to the table conversation at large (as also in the ‘rule’ that you switch your conversational attention to another person when the courses change). But that also means it’s on the hosts to consider their seating plan and seat people who are likely to get along close together.

However, the OP’s other thread illuminates a lot.

She’s hated her SIL since she first met her 59 years ago, and thought the dead BIL was ‘obnoxious’ when he was alive, and thinks that side of the family are all awful, so in fact although she would have known people on the top table, she also hates them all and is unlikely to have had a nicer time. Especially as she also thought the meal was horrible, and didn’t like the lack of tea or coffee.

Yes, same remarks about not drinking, fury at the relatives whose wedding it was (though she appears to mean her SIL, widow of the dead brother of her DH, rather than the couple marrying), and the offensive remark was something about ‘taking her dad to bed’?

Well that’s odd. It does seem to be the exact same post, more or less.

It's a terrible idea. This happened to me and DH, (some 20 years ago,) at a wedding of a work colleague of DH's. Even though we weren't split up, there was a big reception of about 120 people - all on tables of 12. We were on a table where we 100% knew NO-ONE. Not a single one of the other 10 people! They all knew each other and were either related, or were neighbours, or work colleagues.

We'd never seen any of them in our life, and we just talked amongst ourselves as the end of the table at the back of the room, because despite several attempts to engage with them, they all just pretty much turned their backs on us..

It was really awkward. They could have put us with 3 or 4 of the colleagues who DH knew. But no, they stuck us on a table with 10 people who we've never met. It was so strained. I was glad to leave.

I think if I've gone to a wedding on my own, and they put me with a bunch of people I don't know, I probably would have left to be honest. Just said I feel ill, and said I was going. If they refused to move me next to DH if we went together, I would leave, and he would do the same.

What a terrible idea trying to get people to mix and chat to other people they have never met - at a wedding. The vast majority of people don't want to do that at a place like a wedding. They just feel isolated, and awkward, and left out.

I really hate people trying to force me to socialise with people I don't know. You get this is Church, and hobby groups, and on courses too. I think most people hate it actually. Conversation, friendships, and relationships should be organic and natural, not forced.

And splitting you up from you husband or wife - at a wedding - is fucking weird. Why would anyone do this... ?

And splitting you up from you husband or wife - at a wedding - is fucking weird. Why would anyone do this... ?

Because the DH was on the top table and OP is on bad terms with the rest of the extended family.

🤔

Because the OP hated the father of the bride when he was alive, and refers to the mother of the bride as 'the cow'.

Even the OP's own husband chose not to join her after the meal/speeches and left her at a separate table all evening.

I've never been to a wedding where I've been seated with friends or family. I just got on with it and introduced myself and asked the other people how they knew the bride/groom etc.

Wasn't a problem! I get that you might find yourself with difficult people who won't engage and that might be unpleasant.