To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Do women only have "a share" in the consequences? If we have unprotected sex, can we both get pregnant? That's news to me.
And also, on which part of my body do I put a condom?

"And also, on which part of my body do I put a condom?"

https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/internal-condoms/

I always forget these horrid things exist. True I could use those. But then we're back to it being my problem, and this truly isn't a pleasant solution for anyone. Nor are they particularly effective.

No, you shouldnt suffer, but you have a choice, and who said you can't have sex and still be safe? you can have sex and be safe, that's different to withholding sex to force someone to do as you wish. The two don't go hand in hand.

I assume getting an appointment is very much the same for most things in the UK; a lot of it depends on where you live. I've also known men being refused the op because they do not have kids or they are too young! (29)

None of it is hard to understand, but it seems that a lot of women here think their husbands have no say in it, or if they dont want it it's because they are scared of being less of a man, turning the tables and say that about women and you'd be lucky to make 7 o'clock reservations.

I had my 4th child 3 months ago and chose to get sterilised during my c-section because then I know it's done and I'm not relying on my husband to get the snip when I know he really didn't want to

You know you can't turn the tables and say the same about women though right? I suppose you could say it, but we would all know it to be factually incorrect. Women already bear the load.

How can I have sex and still be safe? Condoms split. As I've just told you - I've experienced the outcomes. I could have none PIV sex, but I enjoy full sex as does my DH. So what's the answer? Never having full sex again or risking an unwanted pregnancy?

What are my other options? Because I'm pretty sure I've tried them all. Multiple times. My DH is 40 and didn't have an issue. Plus you can shop around GPs or complain to PALS.

You're making some very weak excuses.

Also, who is withholding sex in this conversation? I'm not. My DH wasn't a baby and offered to get snipped. The only sex we're not currently having is PIV while he waits for his appointment.

Me too
I had three difficult pregnancies and hormonal birth control didn’t agree with me.
The copper coil made me ill
Told dh that I would not be taking any birth control .
He decided to get the snip

No, but don't for one min think that men don't think like you, I'd not have sex without a condom because that's also my responsibility for the next 18 years and beyond, even if she said to me ' dont worry i'm on the pill'

That's funny, because all men I've slept with outside of DH regularly tried to convince me condoms weren't needed. As is the experience of lots of women.

What do you want, a pat on the back?

Not all men think like that though. That's not an opinion. These are measurable facts. Men don't often take responsibility for birth control, nor do they always take responsibility for the resulting children.
We're not talking about you specifically, so if you are responsible, you don't need to jump into defence mode. Who are you defending and why?

His pride and joy. 🥹🤣

And his precious time, apparently! Very busy.

If you're regularly splitting condoms, I think you need to see someone about it; I can think of a handful of times in the last 20+ years this has happened to me personally, and then there are other options you can take after this.

Just an FYI, I personally have no issues with having it done, when i looked into it it was not a quick process for my area. I even looked at going private via my health care insurance.

I need to see someone about a condom splitting? Why? It's not on my penis. I don't own one. And what options can I take after? The morning after pill? That has to be taken in a very specific time frame, and it causes all sorts of nasty side effects including extensive bleeding, messed up periods, cramps, sickness, moodswings.

Again, why is that my responsibility?

It isn't about regularity either. It's about the worry. Ever tried having sex when you're petrified of the outcome? Is that fun?

Can't he take the MAP for you? That works, right? Sharing the load!

Oh definitely! That's equal!

Next minute we'll be regaled with stories of sympathy pains in pregnancy.

Honestly I wish they'd all just own up and say "sorry, I know it's selfish, I just don't want to". I'd have more respect for that, than for all the lame wishy washy excuses.

I mean how many men are going to stick around or be faithful when the options are snip or no sex

and I say that because condom sex is just shit especially in a long term relationship. Plus if a condom does split it’s yet again upon the women to take the map or get an abortion.

So basically snip or no sex. I’ll wait for the men who would stay 100% faithful to arrive. I won’t hold my breath though

Same, literally watching them reach for every excuse in the book is embarrassing. If they wanted to, they would. I'm sure the men who do aren't thrilled at the prospect, either, but that's life when you're an adult. The flailing around from men like this (who I am shocked has reached 40 and still thinks he can mansplain contraception to women, and women won't be able to see him coming a mile off) makes my toes curl from cringing.

It's ridiculous really.

what pride and joy exactly? this is why people dont stick around here or have half a dozen user names, shitty comment from people who have nothing constructive to add.

I've not had it done, because at the moment, it's a non-issue in my house, I was speaking about it yesterday which made me look into this thread.

You're comparing apples and oranges, most people who seem to have had it done are after the fact; that is like closing the stable door once the horse has bolted.

Also, I'm not here to be the defender of men; I'm here to throw a spanner in the works and offer an opinion of a man. or mansplain -thats another good one i get on here if we happen to disagree, it can't just be that, a difference of opinions. I have to be in some insulated. Sometimes my opinion is not welcome, and it turns into childish women having to make bitchy comments to bolster their argument. Hit me with facts if we disagree, and make me see it from the other side.

I never said it should just be on women, i agree if you're done having kids it's a very good route to go down, but just because it works for one doesn't mean it works for another, if a man doesn't want it done, why should you have an opinion any further than that, agian if the tables were turned and a group of men were going on about what a woman should or shouldnt do he'd not make it to bed time.

Had the snip after 2nd DC and never looked back. Couple of minor complications but nothing too traumatic, or that led to anything else having to be removed. Had it done on a Friday so got any recovery needed done over the weekend.

If I was leaving a TripAdvisor review I'd say they could have used stronger anaesthetic for the procedure itself, but otherwise good service.

Yawn.

We've heard it all before from multiple men, that's why. It's boring. You're trying to explain basic contraception to women who've had more involvement in it and its issues than you've had hot dinners.

You have been given facts. You just keep churning out nonsense and more things for women to worry about. And there are plenty of men who don't think like you - I'm married to one. Thank fuck.

Tell you what, love. Use your time on MN to learn. Maybe stop saying stupid things and then you won't get snarky answers.

Now run along. You must be busy, yes?

I'm not trying to explan anything, but a lot of women on here are coming across as it's the only solution,

I'd love to hear what you beleive my opinion is on the issue or how i think? beacuae you've clearly not read anything i've written. If you think anything i've written on here is stupid you should take a long hard look at your own levels of stupid.

I'll stay as long as i like, open fourm.

I've literally repeated the same issues time and again, and they fly so far over your head they're a dust speck on the horizon.

Maybe go back, read properly. Use your big brain. All you've done is offered other contraceptive options when you've been told they cause many and various issues or aren't effective.

If you're trying to make another point, maybe learn to use your words properly. If not, all I can assume is you think you're some kind of caped crusader in a land of stupid and bitchy women.

Which is laughable, frankly. You sound like Dave down the pub. I also didn't say you should leave or even suggest it. I assume comprehension skills aren't your strong point?

Anyway. I'm bored, as I said. Have a nice shot of whiskey to applaud yourself, your job here is done. You showed us pesky girlies!

It’s baffling isn’t it. I never thought of having my child as a transaction to be ‘repaid’ by my husband. What a delightful thing it must be to be in a relationship where scores are kept and ‘payment’ is due.