Page 13 | To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

Rainallnight · 2024-10-19T11:01:05+00:00

When their family is complete. Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them. When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Disturbia81 · 20/10/2024 10:51

Comedycook · 20/10/2024 10:12

I think a lot of men are still holding onto hope that they'll end up with a younger, better looking woman at some point who will be desperate to have his babies ..

So gross.

ilikecatsandponies · 20/10/2024 13:16

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/10/2024 13:24

ilikecatsandponies · 20/10/2024 13:16

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

He was 'afraid of incontinence or long-term pain?'

Not gonna lie, like some other posters on here, I reckon some men make any excuse under the sun to not have the snip. Anything will do as long as they don't have to get it done. Fuck what the mother of their children has been through, with pregnancies, multiple hours of labour, birth injuries, her body totally changing - not for the better - after giving HIM children, and endless monthly fucking periods. Yet some men are too chicken shit to have a small and basic procedure like a vasectomy. Fucking wimps.

They don't deserve to have a woman and they don't deserve to have sex (the men who refuse to get the snip!) I do wonder what the REAL reason is, but I suspect it's because they feel it will emasculate them, as a vasectomy basically makes them infertile. They're all happy enough for the woman to get her fucking tubes tied though. Which is objectively far worse than a man having the snip!

Gingernaut · 20/10/2024 14:17

ilikecatsandponies · 20/10/2024 13:16

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

And what do women go through with child bearing and child birth?

They risk double incontinence, death, long term pain and other god awful changes to their bodies

Fluufer · 20/10/2024 14:27

ilikecatsandponies · 20/10/2024 13:16

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

So he wouldn't take that tiny risk himself but he has been, and is, more than happy for you to do so?

Hopelesscase32 · 20/10/2024 15:14

I can't even get mine to take a paracetamol!

Themaghag · 20/10/2024 15:52

ilikecatsandponies · 20/10/2024 13:16

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

It's his prerogative not to have the snip, but in your place, I'd be exercising my right never to have sex with him again. I really couldn't entertain any man who had watched me go through the discomforts of pregnancy, the agony of birth and its awful aftermath and hen announced that he wasn't 'comfortable' with the very minimal risks of a vasectomy. It would give me the ick big-time and my fanny shutters would slam tightly shut, never to reopen again in his presence!

Themaghag · 20/10/2024 16:08

Viviennemary · 20/10/2024 07:33

Why should they. A lot of men feel it takes their manhood away. In any case their body their choice.

Frankly, if they can't be bothered to step up and play their part in family planning, they aren't real men anyway, so there's no 'manhood' to lose. I can't believe that so many women are rushing to defend the poor 'menz' and their despicable selfishness. Sadly, we set the bar far too low, which enables the stunted men-children to let their wives and partners take over where their deluded mothers left off.

Superworm24 · 20/10/2024 16:17

I think that this whole view that you can trade "favours" as some sort of relationship currency is a bit odd. I had a DC with my husband. It's something that we both agreed to do together, we both get a lot from this relationship. We spoke about the risks and i knew it was something i wanted to go through with regardless of the risks. Yes I carried DC and suffered quite badly but my husband doesn't "owe" me anything. And I certainly haven't "given him" a child, we are raising a child together!

Surely your relationships become unpleasant with the tit for tat mentality? If your husband does something for you are you obligated to return the favour?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/10/2024 16:45

Themaghag · 20/10/2024 16:08

Frankly, if they can't be bothered to step up and play their part in family planning, they aren't real men anyway, so there's no 'manhood' to lose. I can't believe that so many women are rushing to defend the poor 'menz' and their despicable selfishness. Sadly, we set the bar far too low, which enables the stunted men-children to let their wives and partners take over where their deluded mothers left off.

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LOL, brilliant post! 😆 👏

100% agree!

kitsuneghost · 20/10/2024 16:51

Maybe with 3 kids they cant afford it.

kop2054 · 20/10/2024 18:09

Didimum · 19/10/2024 12:04

Our family is complete but DH does not want to get the snip (yet). I don’t think it’s appropriate to have an opinion on what anyone should do to their body.

And stop birth control being all on the woman?

It’s not. We use condoms, so it’s on him.

Edited

This

kop2054 · 20/10/2024 18:18

Superworm24 · 20/10/2024 16:17

I think that this whole view that you can trade "favours" as some sort of relationship currency is a bit odd. I had a DC with my husband. It's something that we both agreed to do together, we both get a lot from this relationship. We spoke about the risks and i knew it was something i wanted to go through with regardless of the risks. Yes I carried DC and suffered quite badly but my husband doesn't "owe" me anything. And I certainly haven't "given him" a child, we are raising a child together!

Surely your relationships become unpleasant with the tit for tat mentality? If your husband does something for you are you obligated to return the favour?

Precisely, it's bizarre to feel your partner owes you something because you gave birth. I imagine when plans are made regarding having a family, there isn't a conversation along the lines of "if I have your baby, you owe me a vasectomy".

HarryGrotter · 20/10/2024 18:44

For me, even after baby number 3, I wanted another and DH definitely did not. However I was 41 when she came along. My feelings were while I was physically able to conceive I would want to, so I took my option away. DH did offer to have the snip, but I had such strong feelings about number 4, so dealt with it my way.

Didimum · 20/10/2024 19:03

kop2054 · 20/10/2024 18:18

Precisely, it's bizarre to feel your partner owes you something because you gave birth. I imagine when plans are made regarding having a family, there isn't a conversation along the lines of "if I have your baby, you owe me a vasectomy".

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Agree completely.

One person’s decision about what to do with their body is not ammunition for what another person should do with theirs – that’s a vile stance imo.

This thread is serving as a museum piece as to just how much MN hates men.

IWantAShitzu · 20/10/2024 19:47

Mine has just booked in.
it did take five years and two extra kids to convince him 🤣
but our youngest has been born with a really rare genetic disorder and requires a lot more extra care. So I think that’s what made his mind up. Another baby would be too much hard work for us x

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 20/10/2024 20:04

One person’s decision about what to do with their body is not ammunition for what another person should do with theirs

I agree.

DH and I agreed to have children.

We then agreed we didn't want any more, discussed what contraception would be best, and he had a vasectomy. But those were two separate conversations. It wasn't "I went through pregnancy and now it's your turn!"

TickingAlongNicely · 20/10/2024 20:06

Its not about tit for tat.
Its about acknowledging there are risks, that the woman in a partnership takes the majority of the risks, and then deciding what the best course of action is.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 20/10/2024 20:13

TickingAlongNicely · 20/10/2024 20:06

Its not about tit for tat.
Its about acknowledging there are risks, that the woman in a partnership takes the majority of the risks, and then deciding what the best course of action is.

But a fair few people in this thread have said "I went through pregnancy, so he can do this!"

When DH decided to have a vasectomy, the risks of pregnancy came up in the discussion in terms of us wanting to make sure our contraception was as failsafe as it could be so that I could avoid that going forward.
But the risks/unpleasantness/side effects etc I went through in pregnancies that had already happened weren't a factor, if that makes sense.

Lovely13 · 20/10/2024 20:14

Same reason some men don’t want to castrate male dogs. It’s emasculating apparently. 😳

Dramatic · 20/10/2024 20:16

kitsuneghost · 20/10/2024 16:51

Maybe with 3 kids they cant afford it.

It's free

Dramatic · 20/10/2024 20:17

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 20/10/2024 20:13

But a fair few people in this thread have said "I went through pregnancy, so he can do this!"

When DH decided to have a vasectomy, the risks of pregnancy came up in the discussion in terms of us wanting to make sure our contraception was as failsafe as it could be so that I could avoid that going forward.
But the risks/unpleasantness/side effects etc I went through in pregnancies that had already happened weren't a factor, if that makes sense.

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It is fair enough though to stop a woman going through a pregnancy she doesn't want considering how small a procedure it is compared to pregnancy/birth or a termination

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 20/10/2024 20:22

@Dramatic the NHS doesn't offer it in my area any more. We went privately but it's not that cheap - plenty of families would struggle to pay it. I know it's cheaper than a baby, but it's not cheaper than free female contraception.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 20/10/2024 20:23

@Dramatic

It is fair enough though to stop a woman going through a pregnancy she doesn't want considering how small a procedure it is compared to pregnancy/birth or a termination

I agree. My main issue is with people saying that because of the pregnancies they already went through, its their partner's "turn".

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/10/2024 21:16

Superworm24 · 20/10/2024 16:17

I think that this whole view that you can trade "favours" as some sort of relationship currency is a bit odd. I had a DC with my husband. It's something that we both agreed to do together, we both get a lot from this relationship. We spoke about the risks and i knew it was something i wanted to go through with regardless of the risks. Yes I carried DC and suffered quite badly but my husband doesn't "owe" me anything. And I certainly haven't "given him" a child, we are raising a child together!

Surely your relationships become unpleasant with the tit for tat mentality? If your husband does something for you are you obligated to return the favour?

It’s obviously a man’s choice but I would’ve lost respect for my husband if he had refused to take on some of the responsibility for contraception.