Husband upset about teachers saying ' boys can wear make up ' and taking about transgender people to our DD

[chocolatehu]

Before I start, this isn't meant to be inflammatory in any way.

I very much belief in ' live and let live '.

My husband also generally believes that but he also believes that our DD is very young and that talk around the kinds of things mentioned in my title - is too soon.

We have a son too and sometimes when he wants to put on makeup etc, my DH will say ' boys don't wear makeup '. My DD has come home several times, correcting us saying that her teacher told her that boys do wear makeup.

Yesterday my son was trying to wear hair clips and again, someone said ' those are for girls '. My DD answered that her teacher had told her that it was ok for boys to do those things and that her friend ( who's a boy ) is now getting married as a girl.

My husband feels it's too soon and confusing for a 4 year old to be told about this.

I think it's a sign we need to have some conversations with my DD, so she hears from us about this stuff.

My in laws and parents think it's completely inappropriate for teachers to be saying this sort of stuff and are wondering if the same sort of things would be said in a catholic school setting.

I think we should buy a book which explains homosexuality/ transgender issues in a child friendly way.

Please can someone who's been here, help me navigate ? Thank you. Again, I don't want to offend anyone.

This, but how old is your dd for this info My DD answered that her teacher had told her that it was ok for boys to do those things and that her friend ( who's a boy ) is now getting married as a girl.?
Your dds friend or the teacher's friend?

Why would you assume I’d advocate throwing you in jail? 😂

Men and women, boys and girls can wear whatever they like. You can argue against it all you like, but it really is true, I promise.

Despairing at the idea of boys wearing hair clips seems like a massive overreaction to me.

In my teen's group of friends, out of 7 of them, 5 have declared transgender identities.

For me, this demonstrates the danger of trans ideology. According to TRAs, this would mean that 5 out of 7 humans were 'born in the wrong body', but it's simply social contagion - as a Society, we should be raging against this, instead of 'being kind'.

It is very difficult to find the right way to navigate it. And totally depends on the child and the family situation.

What is most important is to make sure no child feels they are in the ‘wrong’ body, or believes they can change sex or that anyone should comply with their personal beliefs about anything. That they learn things appropriate to their age from balanced and factual sources.

And of course learn about healthy boundaries. And learn to identify when someone is trying to lower those boundaries or cross them.

It is very difficult in this age where so many are hooked into the internet. So even if your child is not accessing content, some one from class may be and talking to them about stuff that is not appropriate for their age.

Gender ideology enforces adherence to regressive sex stereotypes by saying it is these that define whether you are a boy or a girl; that a man who wears a skirt, long hair and makeup is magically a woman/girl and should be allowed to undress in front of girls. You see it in gender books aimed at young children - Jane likes playing football wearing blue and doing maths so must ‘actually’ be a boy. A boy likes pink and wearing a dress so must ‘actually’ be a girl. These regressive sex stereotypes (eg playing with the ‘wrong’ gendered toys) are also in DSM V for diagnosing ‘gender dysphoria’.

Given teachers are also being told to by gender ideologist, who are training schools, to keep a child’s ‘gender’ secret from their parents and to socially transition them in school (despite the harms this causes) I can understand why a parent might wish to stop a boy from playing with dresses. An activist teacher might well decide that rather than simply playing as all children do, this indicates their ‘true gender’ and encourage them to ‘transition’. There have been plenty of examples of this happening.

As for homophobia - there is nothing more homophobic than gender ideology which declares same-sex attraction to be (as Stonewall put it) sexual racism.

What about face painting? That's make up. What about foundation designed for covering birth marks?

At the age of 4, it has no meaning and doesn't mean he's going to turn trans or catch the gays

DS wore nail Polish till he was about 8. It was just a fun colour on his nails, his penis didn't fall off.

How old is your daughter? All through primary and secondary we were sent emails about what is being taught in personal and social healthclasses and you could request a copy of the curriculum for that area and see what they cover.

The Teacher is right in saying boys can wear hair clips or nail Polish or make up but it isn't ok to say if they do, they will be trans or gay.

The teacher saying boys can wear make up isn’t talking about transgender people necessarily. Or have they said something else?

OP stated ”Yesterday my son was trying to wear hair clips and again, someone said ' those are for girls '. My DD answered that her teacher had told her that it was ok for boys to do those things and that her friend ( who's a boy ) is now getting married as a girl.”

So clearly OPs DD had understood her teacher as saying wearing hair clips was fine as boys can become girls. Not that boys can wear hair clips as a boy thing.

No, that's OP's take on it. There's no indication that this has come from the daughter, or from the teacher.

I’m undoubtedly a TERF and I have no issue with children being told that clothes / colours / toys / hobbies etc aren’t just for boys or girls. Gendering hair clips as exclusively for one sex is daft. Footballers use clips and hair bands. Saying makeup is only for girls is just as silly, really. What if a teen boy had bad skin and wants to cover it? What if a little boy just likes how sparkly nails look? Or a guy likes the rock look of eyeliner? The sole thing I have an issue with is the batshit view that liking any of those things is what makes you a boy or girl. If I heard a teacher say, ‘Do you want to play with nail polish? You like the colour pink? Maybe you’re really a girl” I’d hit the roof. That’s just sexist stereotypes which are nothing to do with sex.

I agree. I think there are fewer and fewer of us, myself included, who don't have family members or friends whose kids aren't affected. My rage is directed at the perpetrators, not the victims - we've been comprehensively groomed as a Society to be accepting of trans ideology and it's frustrating that when we point out the lunacy, we risk turning our own closest folk against us.

@Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit this is what was said. It's not my take on it. I'm not making it up.

It might be my DD's take on something, but I'm relaying what she said and what the situation was. I don't understand why you're basically accusing me of lying.

Yeah. It is why it is a remarkable claim by some people that we don’t know, love and talk to trans people while having great concern for children’s safeguarding wise, their medical treatment options and how to learn to be comfortable to be just themselves, isn’t it?

Yes, and many of those who make the claim do so disingenuously, simply as part of their strategy.

How old is your daughter? I'd definitely ask the Teacher why she said boys who wear hair clips go on to be trans, because we all know that's simply not true.

Why are we trusting teachers to teach something that they are making up?

It is not that boys who wear hair clips go on to be trans, children are being told that if they like things sex stereotypes ascribe to the opposite sex then they ARE trans. That there are boy things and girl things and whether you are a boy of a girl depends on the things you like.

Show your dd a pic of a footballer wearing a headband. Ask her if they are girls or are they wearing it to keep their hair out of their face when they run ? Hairbands are for everybody and can be worn for practical reasons or because somebody wants to wear one.

Your h is confusing his lack of interest in hairbands with all men feeling that way in the same way that the teacher thinks that marrying as a girl means wearing a wedding dress. Very interesting that the teacher said brother rather than sister though.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Absolutely ridiculous, it makes as much sense as men who would never let their boys play with dolls because it might make them gay.

When I was doing supply cover for a reception teacher many years ago, one little boy loved wearing the bride's dress from the dressing up box. I suppose some people would say I should have told him not to be so silly, take it off, only girls wear dresses.
I actually told him he looked lovely.

In terms of hair clips. The American Academy of Pediatrics based much of their transgender guidelines on work by clinical psychologist Dr. Diane Ehrensaft. According to Dr. Ehrensaft, a baby girl tearing barrettes (hair clips) out of her hair repeatedly is supposedly sending a “gender message” about her true identity as a trans boy.

I wouldn't be explaining trans to my child as if it's normal. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness and he is too young to understand at 4.

Plus boys can and do wear makeup. I've seen loads of boys wear eyeliner or cover up a spot or something with concealer. It doesn't mean they are supposed to be girls.

No one is saying he should be told to take it off. They are saying liking a dress does not make him a girl.

Which is what I am saying. Why shouldn't he wear a dress if he likes it. Some people might have disagreed at the time - it was some decades ago. Attitudes have changed, thank goodness.

Agree with your husband

Oh dear lord.

What on earth do you think will happen if a boy wears a hair clip?!

And anyone can wear make up if they want, what do you think will happen if a boy wears it?! His penks won't drop off!

I bet you think girls have long hair and boys have short hair too?!