Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

274 replies

StarAstrid · 18/10/2024 17:21

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Andthesky · 18/10/2024 20:23

3hrMax · 18/10/2024 20:16

Funny how many people seem to think birthdays are pretty insignificant but that "big birthdays" are important.

I think it is more a case of men's birthdays are insignificant but women's must never be overlooked.

SerafinasGoose · 18/10/2024 20:23

It's only a party, and parties are not everyone's cup of tea. Not attending is hardly a NC offence, I'd have thought.

Anywherebuthere · 18/10/2024 20:27

3hrMax · 18/10/2024 19:15

But that's his plan - to not go and do what he likes instead. So why does that make him childish?

Show quote history

The bit that he is being childish about is being annoyed that she has booked it on his birthday.

Of course they can both do what's right for them.

Marylou62 · 18/10/2024 20:27

Demonhunter · 18/10/2024 20:20

Wow, what a fab medical team to do that. So glad it all worked out well. I can imagine you've had to explain it many times over the years that they're twins but don't have the same birthday.

Just to add, did the parents keep them with the actual birthdays do you know, or picked one for both of them?

Edited
Show quote history

I didn't keep in touch when the babies left hospital so I'm not sure..
I also looked after twins.. one who was born on the 31st August just before midnight and her sister who was born just minutes into the 1st September..
Which means in the English education system they would be in separate school years...

Demonhunter · 18/10/2024 20:30

Marylou62 · 18/10/2024 20:27

I didn't keep in touch when the babies left hospital so I'm not sure..
I also looked after twins.. one who was born on the 31st August just before midnight and her sister who was born just minutes into the 1st September..
Which means in the English education system they would be in separate school years...

Show quote history

When you hear about things like that, it does make you realise how crazy the system is for sticking to specific dates for school years.

3hrMax · 18/10/2024 20:31

Anywherebuthere · 18/10/2024 20:27

The bit that he is being childish about is being annoyed that she has booked it on his birthday.

Of course they can both do what's right for them.

Show quote history

Clearly the OP and her DH think that SIL will kick off if he doesn't go (hence they might go simply to avoid an argument).

If everyone agreed "to do what is right for them", fair enough, but that doesn't seem to be the expectation being put on DH.

Demonhunter · 18/10/2024 20:35

Andthesky · 18/10/2024 20:23

I think it is more a case of men's birthdays are insignificant but women's must never be overlooked.

Show quote history

It's funny, there's other threads running, with the women saying they want to feel important and it's their special day to celebrate and the comments are so much nicer than on this one, even the people who don't see the big deal, they're not half as bad as here.

BarbaraHoward · 18/10/2024 20:43

Haven't RTFT but I don't think this is a big deal.

SIL held her 40th party on the actual day of DH's 30th (their birthdays are a few days apart). She would've understood if we didn't come, but DH wasn't bothered and so we went and had a lovely night.

No drama on either side.

youve987456 · 18/10/2024 20:43

Anyone who gets upset about birthdays are ridiculous imo.

catin8oots · 18/10/2024 20:55

Is your DH 12?

Sunshine1500 · 18/10/2024 20:59

Unless they are both having big birthdays .. this is is fine for a special birthday like a 50th

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/10/2024 21:00

StarAstrid · 18/10/2024 17:21

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

"neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday."
That suggests a bit more than sibling rivalry. Sounds more like SIL is the Golden Child and your husband The Scapegoat. And that her being busy - not making sure she had her own 50th birthday weekend free - well it doesn't sound very likely, does it?

LIZS · 18/10/2024 21:05

He needs to get over himself!

pictoosh · 18/10/2024 21:06

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/10/2024 21:00

"neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday."
That suggests a bit more than sibling rivalry. Sounds more like SIL is the Golden Child and your husband The Scapegoat. And that her being busy - not making sure she had her own 50th birthday weekend free - well it doesn't sound very likely, does it?

Edited
Show quote history

Or simply that none of them think it's anything to be chippy about. They are right...for most people it wouldn't be.

NowImNotDoingIt · 18/10/2024 21:25

BarbaraHoward · 18/10/2024 20:43

Haven't RTFT but I don't think this is a big deal.

SIL held her 40th party on the actual day of DH's 30th (their birthdays are a few days apart). She would've understood if we didn't come, but DH wasn't bothered and so we went and had a lovely night.

No drama on either side.

And that's great. OH wouldn't be bothered either. OP's husband is however , and that is an issue.

NowImNotDoingIt · 18/10/2024 21:25

LIZS · 18/10/2024 21:05

He needs to get over himself!

Why?

BarbaraHoward · 18/10/2024 21:26

NowImNotDoingIt · 18/10/2024 21:25

And that's great. OH wouldn't be bothered either. OP's husband is however , and that is an issue.

Show quote history

Well quite. Why on earth is an adult bothered? It's not a big deal.

pictoosh · 18/10/2024 21:27

NowImNotDoingIt · 18/10/2024 21:25

And that's great. OH wouldn't be bothered either. OP's husband is however , and that is an issue.

Show quote history

Yes for him. Not for anyone else. That's my point.

Saw some advice on here once, blunt but appropriate.

"Cry about it and cope."

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 21:31

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/10/2024 21:00

"neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday."
That suggests a bit more than sibling rivalry. Sounds more like SIL is the Golden Child and your husband The Scapegoat. And that her being busy - not making sure she had her own 50th birthday weekend free - well it doesn't sound very likely, does it?

Edited
Show quote history

No, it sounds like they’re all grownups and don’t see why a 48 year old man would be bent out of shape if someone else has a party on his birthday.

MorrisZapp · 18/10/2024 21:31

How embarrassing for an adult to act like this. Adults don't have birthday parties unless it's a big zero date, and your DH can enjoy organising a fabulous extravaganza when it's his turn.
Meanwhile enjoying a cracking booze up at his sister's, where he will presumably know lots of the guests. It's called a win win unless you're still at school.

AutumnLeaves24 · 18/10/2024 21:33

Anywherebuthere · 18/10/2024 20:27

The bit that he is being childish about is being annoyed that she has booked it on his birthday.

Of course they can both do what's right for them.

Show quote history

52 Saturdays in a year and she does it on HIS birthday... there's NO EXCUSE, she's just a me me me twat.

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 21:35

AutumnLeaves24 · 18/10/2024 21:33

52 Saturdays in a year and she does it on HIS birthday... there's NO EXCUSE, she's just a me me me twat.

Show quote history

She doesn’t need an excuse 😂

AutumnLeaves24 · 18/10/2024 21:40

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 21:35

She doesn’t need an excuse 😂

Show quote history

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 21:42

AutumnLeaves24 · 18/10/2024 21:40

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Show quote history

What’s that little face for?

Awrite · 18/10/2024 21:44

It wouldn't bother me. However, I've never celebrated my own big birthdays so if I didn't fancy going to my sibling's, I wouldn't feel guilty about not going.