SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

[StarAstrid]

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

😂😂😂 that made me howl!!!

It’s my party ad I’ll cry if I want too

So what? She is celebrating, nobody else is being forced to.
Op’s dh can do likewise if he’s so inclined.

Fine for her to plan her party for that date, also fine for him not to attend given it's his actual birthday and he understandably might want to celebrate it in a way that he chooses.

I wonder if there is history from childhood of shared parties and feeling his birthday got overlooked. Noone is forcing him to go, he's 48 not 4 ,and can do as he chooses but expecting others to fit in with his sulk is unreasonable. Maybe he can recipropcate on his 50th.

So if he wanted a party that day why didn't he plan one himself?

But if this was reversed he would still be in the wrong on here regardless

Where does OP say he wanted his own party on that day?

OP hasn’t said how old her husband is

Why else would it burn his hide so much that his sister is having one?

Well, I wouldn't book a birthday party or any special even on my brothers birthday.

It would just he one fo those 'can't do that date' moments.

You are making stuff up here aren’t you? Making assumptions you have no idea about.

@SilverChampagne perhaps he doesn't like the expectation that he should attend his sister's birthday party when he would prefer to spend the day/evening celebrating his own? His wife has already said that she thinks they probably should attend to save arguments.

I don't think birthdays are a particularly big deal as an adult, but it is the one day a year that you should be able to choose what you want to do, whether that's a party, or simply having a lie in and a takeaway for tea!

Sure, I don’t know that he was planning his own celebration.
I can’t think why he’d be so pissed off at his sister’s party if he wasn’t though?

Maybe it’s the perceived expectation that’s the problem, then?
If he really thinks he has to attend a function he’d rather not just to avoid an argument with his sister, that’s a massive problem in itself.
Very strange family dynamics that he’s old enough to step away from if he chooses.

There are many other options that one would like to choose to celebrate their birthday, why does it have to be a party?

can you not think of any other ways other than a party to celebrate a birthday

OP says he was annoyed because the birthday falls on a Saturday. So o you don’t need to wrack your brain to think of any other reason

Is your dh turning 5yo?
He won't know anyone at the party except you, his parents, his sister ? Honestly both of you should be embarrassed for even making this a thing. Spend the whole day making a big hoohaa about him then go to the party for a few hours?

Is she actually expecting him to be there if the majority are her friends? A possibility could be that she chose this date because it’s a Saturday that her and all her friends were free and she invited family as to not leave them out and/or knows her parents would want to be there.

OP says she thinks they should go but that doesn’t mean that SIL is actually bothered if they do or not knowing it is also her brother’s birthday.

I also wonder when this birthday party is planned for. It’s mid-October now. I can only speak from my experience, but the end of the year is busy for many with wrapping up the end of the year for work and the planning and execution for the several holidays in December.

I’ve been on Mumsnet since 2017 and seen a fair number of hypocritical posts, but this thread is easily in the top 10 for hypocrisy.

OP, it’s a shame you feel that you and your DH have to go to SIL’s party to avoid an argument. If he doesn’t want to go, then he shouldn’t.

If your DH hasn’t mentioned that he already has plans for the day (so feels he can’t use that as an excuse), then now’s the time for you to explain to SIL that you’ve booked a surprise for DH on the day and can’t change the date. You’re sure she’ll understand…

MN is like a parallel, alien universe when it comes to these issues (this observation mainly relates to the replies to this thread). In my world:

a. Celebrating birthdays once you've reached adulthood is perfectly fine.
b. Parties are almost uniformly shit, other than the very informal, beach plus firepit variety. The ones with Kev's disco bleeping away in the corner are particularly hideous; to be avoided at all costs.
c. Invitations where attendance is expected on pain of death are incomprehensible, let alone in any way approaching reasonable.
d. Sis can throw a party on whatever day she likes. Her motivation for doing so is entirely a 'her' issue, or non-issue, as the case may be.
e. DH can attend the party if he likes, or not attend and organise his own plans, if he likes. No one's going to put a gun to his head and frogmarch him to the venue
f. All involved are adults, with independent minds and autonomy over their own decision-making.
g. Don't sweat the small stuff. Who actually bloody cares?

Maybe she doesn't want him to attend but knows the fallout would be far worse if she didn't invite him.

So she's hoping he'll say no.

Is he always jealous of his sister, really childish behaviour on his part.

The SIL is the selfish, childish one. Her birthday is 2 weeks after her brother's birthday. She could have a party a weekend before her birthday, or the weekend after. It's a really shitty thing for her to choose to have her non-birthday party the same day as her brother's actual birthday. She's done it on purpose. In the real world, the vast majority of people would side with OP's DH. Mumsnet is a strange place.

It's a power play by the Golden Child to ram it home to the Scapegoat that, even on his birthday, she can have the whole family dancing attendance on her. She has indeed done it on purpose.

How do you know?