SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

[StarAstrid]

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

Arranging your birthday party on your siblings birthday seems really immature IMO. Like a stealing the limelight situation.
If that isn’t what she’s doing then she’ll be happy to “share” her party so it is also recognised as DH birthday too!

If you’ve already made birthday plans without his family I’d just stick with them and attending the party could just be an option for later in the night.

I think it's odd to hold the party before your birthday. More natural to look at a date 2 weeks after your birthday. And on your DH's birthday who is everyone going to say 'happy birthday' to? I don't think this is a nice thing to do, unless there was really good reason not to hold it later. If there's a backstory, I would be pissed off. I would most likely book a weekend away and not be around for the drama she's wanting to create

So called big birthdays or milestone birthdays are the thing I object to, every birthday is still one day. No such thing as a birthday week either.

Probably how displeased I would be might depend also on what the 'being busy' on the actual day is.

I am surprised that a 50 year old woman has a 5 year old child as a brother and that child has a wife. He needs to grow up. He can go to dinner or whatever it is he does for his birthday the evening before or the day after or any other time.

MN can be so contrary. When someone posts about their birthday being disappointing, a good proportion of posters say about how it's not stupid for you to have that one special day for you, and will go to lengths to explain why, then in the next birthday thread, people are called pathetic for being miffed that a sibling wants to have a birthday party 2 weeks early and overshadow their "special day"

Are you sure? She wants a 50th party but is too "busy" to have it the weekend of her birthday. So the party isn't being prioritised over whatever is happening that weekend or the weekends either side. Their parents are supportive of the decision to takeover her DBs birthday. Unless they share a friendship group, the guests will be her friends not his. Why would her friends be bringing him gifts?

She hasn't approached it from a stance of "it would be great to have a joint party", this is all about her. It sounds like he won't have his birthday acknowledged.

If the hijacking of his birthday is that upsetting at his age, I suspect this has been a pattern over the years.

What are the chances that the only possible day she could have organised a party was on her brothers birthday?

Just think it is common courtesy to do so. I wouldn't mind if someone held a party on my birthday but I'd expect them to let me know/run it past me first out of respect. I would also do the same to someone else if I knew the dates clashed.

How old is your dh? If he is over the age of 21 then he really needs to get over himself. As an adult you can celebrate your birthday on any day. How does he want to celebrate and can't he just do that on a different Sat instead?

You and you DH should go and...hijack it, take it over as his birthday party! You SIL cannot deny him celebrating on his actual birthday, your DH could say as much "it's my birthday, yours is in two weeks". 😁

Why does it matter if it’ll be mostly her friends there? It’s her party!

Don’t go if you don’t want to.

Or go for an hour to show your faces then go off and celebrate your man child’s husbands birthday somewhere else.

Life really shouldn’t be this difficult or complicated.

Is there going to be a drip feed and they’re twins and it’s his 50th too?? If not can’t he just do something the weekend before or after or on the Friday evening? He’s not a child surely he can understand that sometimes other events will fall on his birthday.

If your DH is really bothered, he could always say “great idea, a joint birthday party, I’ll bring a cake and banner for me too”. Then she might change the date!

Bloody hell

Stuff like this makes me glad to be an only child.

It's all very petty, no?

I feel as though this is one where, if the sexes were reversed, the results/responses would be too.

Absolutely.

And if she wanted her brother there, it's mind blowing to me that SIL wouldn't first check if he had plans for his actual birthday.

She is either extremely thoughtless or deliberately playing games.

Ah I see you edited your response once you realised why what I'd said wasn't a silly question

I doubt it. Any middle aged woman pissed off that her brother was having a party on her birthday would be met with equal derision.

Can twins be born 2 weeks apart?

I think it’s unreasonable of your DH to be annoyed at his sister for having her party then. But reasonable to not go and do something for his own birthday instead.

Your DH is behaving like a massive baby. If he’s so set on marking the birthday on the actual day, can’t he have a lunch with you and his mates during the day?

He sounds spoilt.

If she’s a massive cow and they don’t get on, he just doesn’t attend her party and organises an event of his own.
Like the adult he is. Who would even care? He doesn’t need his Mummy and Daddy at his (48th?) birthday party.
It’s all so incredibly juvenile.

Yes. but it’s exceptionally rare.

What’s wrong with the other Saturday between his birthday and hers? Why does it have to be his birthday? Bit obnoxious of her.