SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

[StarAstrid]

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

Your husband is being petty and childish.

But it’s not celebrating his birthday, it’s celebrating someone else’s. That’s the point

Your husband is being pathetic end of

Definitely needs this response

Your husband is being silly and childish

They don't have the same birthday, so they're not twins... Presumably if his sister is turning 50, it's probably not a "big" birthday for him this year? So not sure why he would make a big deal over it, most adults don't need a big fuss on a regular birthday.

He's a big boy, he can do what he wants. Just as she can really !

Does the party somehow prevent him doing what he would like to for his birthday?

Does he feel he has to go?

I think a lot of these responses are really odd. 🙄 Of course it’s incredibly rude to plan a birthday party for yourself on a date, which is not your actual birthday, but you know is the actual birthday of someone you are inviting to that party.

It’s one thing if someone planned the party as a surprise party for SIL and didn’t realise. Or if your Dh and SIL are NC and your Dh and the rest of the family aren’t invited. But milestone birthday or not, there are like 29 other possible dates within 2 weeks of SIL’s birthday, quite a few of which will fall on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday, which would have been a better choice.

It definitely doesn’t feel entirely coincidental given that that there are so many other possible options, but out of all of them, she chose this one. I’d be inclined to have a small family party on the same day, and invite the same family members who are invited to hers, to make a point about it being unnecessarily awkward, but I’m a bit petty.

My DH had a significant birthday during the week. For a family lunch to celebrate, it landed on his brother's birthday (closest date) - he checked if it was ok. As it was, we booked it, had it not been, we would have gone for a later date.
We also have family members with birthdays on the same date - also negotiate these as needed.
Odd that the sister has chosen to do something early and land on her brother's birthday!
If you don't want to cause grief, go but do something else with your husband during the day. (Then maybe play the same trick next time he has a significant birthday!)

He’s being childish and there’s obviously some backstory with sibling rivalry/jealousy.

Can they have a joint party?

Why does this matter?

I’ll tell you why because these siblings clearly don’t get on

You will never change that and they probably don’t have the ability to so my best advice is to give them zero headspace!

What is he? 8?

Well I voted YABU but that’s purely just because I find grown adults who want to be made a fuss of on their non special birthdays, sickeningly self obsessed and abhorrent.
If it was your DHs 40th or 50th or 60th on that day, then yes, I’d understand.
The only thing I think that could possibly have been done differently, is maybe his sister could have just asked if he’d mind-but it’s not remotely a big deal that she didn’t.
If I were in your shoes, I’d be telling my DH to grow up, put his big boy pants on and go and celebrate her turning the big Five Oh.

No I changed it as soon as I remembered people on here need things that are bloody obvious explained to them.

@CloudPop ive said the same too, I'm glad there are other 'normal' people out there😊

Last year my daughter’s 7th birthday was on a Saturday. Her best friends birthday was about ten days earlier but she booked her party on my daughters birthday. My daughter was not impressed.

I explained to my daughter that she did not own the Saturday and that she could go to the party for 2 hours to celebrate her friends birthday. My daughter was still a bit put out but she went along anyway and had a lovely time and sang happy birthday to her friend. Your DH is a grown man and it’s his sisters 50th. I’m sure he could pop by for a couple of hours to celebrate with her. It’s very childish of him otherwise (unless maybe it’s a big birthday for him too)

My Birthday is at Christmas … good job I don’t throw a strop when someone plans something for the same day …

Normal! 🤦‍♀️

Agree. No one is forcing him to go and I doubt his sister would expect him there if it is mainly her friends being there.

Some are acting as if he has to go and that she is just doing it to be spiteful because she chose a Saturday that happens to be his birthday.

Fridays are days many people work, Sundays are chill and prep days before the work/school week start. She could easily be factoring her friends in this and that happened to be the day.

I find it weird that some think everything must be intentional or people are out to cause offence.

I can understand if he is one that also does birthday parties but OP hasn’t said that was the case.

If I planned a party for myself, I would be considered petty by some because both DH and I’s families and friends have birthdays this month. Two of our children are also in October. There is no free weekend without overlapping someone’s birthday.

Funny how many people seem to think birthdays are pretty insignificant but that "big birthdays" are important.

@SilverChampagne so you'd book your birthday bash to be on the same day as your brother's birthday ?

Apparently entirely normal thing to do. You live and learn.

Wow, what a fab medical team to do that. So glad it all worked out well. I can imagine you've had to explain it many times over the years that they're twins but don't have the same birthday.

Just to add, did the parents keep them with the actual birthdays do you know, or picked one for both of them?

Yeah, I've been to other events on my birthday too, but it's the fact that the sister is celebrating her birthday 2 weeks early and it 'just happens' to be her brothers actual birthday.

I don't understand anyone saying HE is being childish.