SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

[StarAstrid]

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

A difficult one here OP. My 50th birthday was a big non-event. My ExH took me out for (what I thought would be romantic dinner) to our favourite restaurant only to spring on me his mum, brother, brother's partner & my <grown up> DS. I'd been saying for months that I was expecting to be taken away on a holiday & hd up to date passport. But what I got was a huge disappointment. This was the last straw. It made me realise that he didn't love me, didn't care about me & so I bought myself a cocker spaniel, a flat within easy walking distance of my job & left him.

What I'm saying is becoming 50 is a big deal & I can understand why your SIL wants to celebrate in her way. I say that you & DH should suck it up, celebrate with her & celebrate his birthday on another occasion.

I'd be delighted. I'd get to see my family at a party on my birthday without having to pay for it or do any of the work attached to organising it. I'd also be spared the unwelcome burdens of being the centre of attention and having to run around doing hostly duties.

I think your SIL is being twat. You don't hold your birthday party on your brother's birthday. It his birthday!! She can hold her party another day if she can't have it on her birthday, but it's twatty to do it on his birthday.

Unless there's some huge backstory, what an overreaction.

How???
unless at least one of them is adopted.

Twins?

I'm glad you told us that she was 49 currently because I never could have worked that out what with subtle clues like her 50th birthday coming up.

I wouldn't be bothered myself unless I was also planning a big birthday.

He sounds petulant and needs to grow up. I can’t believe grown adults get upset about things like this.

She can't have her birthday party on her birthday as she's busy, but can have it on his.

Oooh yes. V true.

Is your dh planning a party of his own? It all sounds ridiculously childish 😂

Tbh I'm in agreement with this, if she can't celebrate on her birthday why can't she celebrate after it? Why does it have to be on his birthday when he may have plans and things he'd like to do. I think that's quite selfish and entitled on SILs part. She could have come to him and asked if he minded which would have been fair. But I think to go ahead and plan over your siblings birthday is quite a nasty thing to do. I'd never do that to my sister - big birthday or not unless I was suggesting we do a joint party. Our birthdays are also 2 weeks apart and there's been times where I've celebrated mine after hers a few weeks later or we've combined something in between. I wouldn't expect to cancel her birthday out with my own.

I wouldn't like it.

If your dh likes to celebrate his birthday and make a bit of a fuss then I can understand why he's miffed. Her birthday is 2 weeks later so there's a Saturday either side as well.

But, I also think he's an adult so suck it up buttercup! She might only be able to have that venue on that date, it might work with other plans if she's expecting a trip away on her birthday and so on.

TBH, he could make a big positive fuss about her party being on his actual birthday so wouldn't it be nice to celebrate together etc. family can share their birthday wishes with both of them, it will be nice to see them both for a celebration event.

If she is 'golden child' he will look churlish for sulking. But by being positive and happy, he also might just put her off that specific date if she has no good reason for holding it then.

My brother did this to me once and it was the worst birthday I've ever had.
I had texts from 6am asking me to remember to do stuff, bring stuff, organise stuff. I was exhausted by the time the party started and then there were 50 people there that I didn't know all celebrating someone else. I've never felt so insignificant. Not one person in my family acknowledged my birthday all day, except my mum, who gave me my present on the train so it wouldnt derail the party (his birthday is 3 months after mine btw).

I'd stay home if it ever happened again. I'd rather have a bottle of wine, a ready meal and netflix.

It’s her 50th. Seems ok to me

It his birthday!!
And? People can do whatever the hell they like on his birthday.
He’s a middle aged man, not the second coming.

Nailed it

And I am speaking from experience. My 18th happened to fall on the date 2 of my classmates planned their joint birthday party. It was back to back 18ths most of the time so there was no other suitable date for me. I cancelled my plans as mutual friends were being put in an awkward position and went to theirs instead. Had a great time without the cost and hassle.

Why didn’t you just join in what was already a shared celebration with mutual friends?

Don’t do this! He doesn’t even want to go to it, he probably doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday with her friends!

if it were me I’d pretend (to myself) that my birthday was ton the Friday or Sunday and would do exactly what I wanted then. Which would be fine unless his idea of a good time is watching football/going out on the lash on a Saturday night. Which has a totally different vibe from a Friday or Sunday.

He's being a bit childish, it's a 50th so a special one.
The party won't take the whole day will it he can do something just for him that fits around it

I don't get it I really really dont. He's an adult, if his sister is 50 he isn't a teenager or in his 20s ... Come on birthdays can be celebrated anytime. Mines in December I've had a "birthday" meal in January because it's cheaper/quiter....he really needs to grow up

Two birthdays. Two weeks apart. This situation must have come up before.
But I do think that you shouldn't be worrying about it. Leave it entirely up to him to decide ( also puts you in the clear with the rest of the fam)
I think both birthday people should ultimately spend their birthdays how they choose.
But I guess it depends on so many variables.
If your DH had any plans to do anything - if not then he is being a bit unreasonable since it could be moved to the Friday or whatever, If he was dreaming of a weekend away - not unreasonable but he could have it another weekend.
Also depends if its the custom for family members to come to both events... or if they usually do their own thing.
Depends if SIL is overbearing or just picked a suitable date to include everyone.

If he wants to stay in with SIL and her parties are fun - then I'd say probably go.
If her parties are unbearable and he's not worried about not turning up and has something else he wants to do.... then don't.

It all depends on what usually happens and what everyone's expectations are.

A 50th trumps a regular adult birthday. What a fuss to make.