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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL having a party on brother’s birthday

274 replies

StarAstrid · 18/10/2024 17:21

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 18/10/2024 18:03

I'd respect my partner's feelings and make other plans. It's pretty rubbish. Not on Mumsnet, obviously, where literally no adult acknowledges their own birthday because it's ridiculous. But in the real world. It's inconsiderate of the SIL. Is there a backstory?

autienotnaughty · 18/10/2024 18:04

I'd go but get everyone to sing happy birthday to me 🎵 🎶

Bellatrixpure · 18/10/2024 18:04

Shitty of the SIL I think. The next time he’s going to get a Saturday birthday will be 2030. Double check that but I think it’s right. I never work on my birthday so this would annoy me.

Why did she have to pick that Saturday?!

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 18/10/2024 18:04

Well did he have set plans to celebrate on the day?

fridaynight1 · 18/10/2024 18:06

He is being unreasonable. Unless there is a backstory ..

Elektra1 · 18/10/2024 18:06

Is your husband a child? Or is he turning 40 or 50 as well? Of course she's not being unreasonable to have her 50th party on a date convenient for her.

Adults' birthdays are just another day, unless it's a "special" one. And I say that as someone who absolutely loves my birthday. If he seriously "doesn't want to spend his birthday" attending his own sister's party, then the two of you can do something else and think of a better excuse to give than the real reason, to avoid embarrassment (his).

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 18/10/2024 18:08

I'm with you.
Think it's a tad twatty of sil. 2 weeks before her actual 50th and this is the only date she can hold her party.
She's a twat

TikkaTicker · 18/10/2024 18:08

I love my birthdays. But you have to be sensible and work out priorities. I went to the funeral of a friend of a friend on my birthday this year to support them. It was not a big birthday for me so I did the right thing.

Hopefully she will acknowledge his birthday in some way, but a fiftieth takes precedence. Unless it clashes with your husband’s 18th…

CowboyJoanna · 18/10/2024 18:09

@autienotnaughty Why?? It's not your party.

When everyone sang happy birthday to DD at her friend's party, it was friend's mum who suggested it because her friend told her it was DD's birthday. I never mentioned it was DD's birthday at the party nor did DD herself, because we didnt expect it.

At this rate I swear Im gonna have you telling me DD's friend was stingy for not doing cake/candles for DD or giving her a present (friend did offer her the first slice of cake though)

Lemonadeand · 18/10/2024 18:10

I think the etiquette is if you have a birthday party, wedding etc on another close family member or friend’s birthday you normally acknowledge it and some point and bring them a little cupcake with a candle in it or something like that. Certainly I’ve seen that done at weddings.

Zanatdy · 18/10/2024 18:11

I think it’s fine, he’s being a bit OTT.

Silviasilvertoes · 18/10/2024 18:11

StarAstrid · 18/10/2024 17:21

Just really interested to hear opinions on this.
My SIL (49) has decided to have a big party to celebrate her 50th birthday. She has decided to hold it on my DH’s (her brother’s) actual birthday as it’s a Saturday. Her birthday is 2 weeks later but she is busy then. My DH is annoyed that she has booked this date as birthdays are rarely on a Saturday and neither of his parents or any other family members think it’s an issue for her to hold the party on his birthday. He says that’s not how he wants to celebrate his birthday and so at the moment he won’t go. Is he being unreasonable or would you also be annoyed if your sibling did this? Thanks for reading.

He’s a grown up. I might be a bit miffed but I’d understand that it’s a big day for her. Unless it’s a big birthday for him too I really couldn’t get worked up about it.

Lemonadeand · 18/10/2024 18:11

Elektra1 · 18/10/2024 18:06

Is your husband a child? Or is he turning 40 or 50 as well? Of course she's not being unreasonable to have her 50th party on a date convenient for her.

Adults' birthdays are just another day, unless it's a "special" one. And I say that as someone who absolutely loves my birthday. If he seriously "doesn't want to spend his birthday" attending his own sister's party, then the two of you can do something else and think of a better excuse to give than the real reason, to avoid embarrassment (his).

If he were turning 50 two weeks’ apart from his sister I would be interested to know the back story!

JudgeJ · 18/10/2024 18:12

Jellyslothbridge · 18/10/2024 17:24

Can you turn it into a joint party?

Exactly, let everyone know it's his insignificant birthday too and you can mark both events at her expense. Sounds like a winner to me!

Silviasilvertoes · 18/10/2024 18:12

Lemonadeand · 18/10/2024 18:10

I think the etiquette is if you have a birthday party, wedding etc on another close family member or friend’s birthday you normally acknowledge it and some point and bring them a little cupcake with a candle in it or something like that. Certainly I’ve seen that done at weddings.

Yes, my godfather’s 70th birthday party was on my mum’s not special birthday. They sang happy birthday to her after him.

Original poster
StarAstrid · 18/10/2024 18:12

Thank you for all your replies. Some interesting views. There won’t be many people there that we know as they are a small family so it’ll mainly consist of her friends. I think those that suggested there is a backstory are probably onto something and I think he feels the date hasn’t been chosen purely on convenience. Having said that I think we should probably go as it saves any arguments.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 18/10/2024 18:12

Could be step siblings or something - but yes I didn't put too much thought into how old he might be!

applestrudels · 18/10/2024 18:12

What the actual fuck, no, he is not being unreasonable, what sort of selfish narcissist would do that?! It's not like she can pretend she didn't know when her own brother's birthday is. And if she can hold her party 2 weeks early then she could hold it 2 weeks later (or 3) if she wanted, too. Or have her party on the Sunday or something. Is she planning on having a cake and singing happy birthday to her brother at this party, or is she just going to ignore that it's her brother's actual birthday?

LBFseBrom · 18/10/2024 18:13

SmellyScrambler · 18/10/2024 17:23

It’s her 50th and this is the date that works. Your husband is being a bit childish.

I think so. Unless his birthday is a 'special' one, why is he bothered? No doubt sister in law will mention it is his birthday. He'll have a great time.

Topjoe19 · 18/10/2024 18:15

I honestly can't stand it when grown adults make a huge fuss like this. It's her 50th, why wouldnt he want to go & be happy for her. I'd go right off him, stamping his feet like a toddler because she wants to celebrate on his 'special' day.

Devonjaguar · 18/10/2024 18:15

If it's the only date that works for her she should have had the decency to ask her brother if he minded before booking it. It's rude to have booked it without checking in with him.

Blackberriesandcobwebs · 18/10/2024 18:15

As an aside, I recently attended a special 80th party for a family friend and her twin sister at my friends house. All their joint family and friends attended, we had lovely time and they had a beautiful joint cake, but the sister snuck into the kitchen and removed her part of her name plaque off the cake before it was presented as "she didn't want everyone to know her age" 🤫. We sang happy birthday to them both (who both look years younger than 80!) but my friend only realised she'd done this when she was looking at the cake whilst they were cutting it and wondering why the decs on it somehow looked lopsided.
Err you're a twin and we all know it Ms 79-and-three-quarters!
Words were apparently had after everyone went home as twin sister has form for making it all about her 😆

diddl · 18/10/2024 18:17

Having said that I think we should probably go as it saves any arguments.

Arguments with whom?

Had he already made plans?

Scentedjasmin · 18/10/2024 18:17

Do siblings really argue about such trivial things at their ages? Honestly, your husband is being petulant. Presumably he wasn't planning a big party anyway? I assume that her party is in the evening so be still can celebrate the day before. I'm also perplexed why he wants to do something special to mark his 49th birthday? Aren't most birthdays just like normal days?

Moveoverdarlin · 18/10/2024 18:17

Is your husband 8 years old? If so it’s understandable. If he is in fact an adult man he sounds like a spoilt little drama queen. What better way to celebrate his birthday than with all his family?