What is with the English, affairs, and divorce?

[BoundaryGirl3939]

Everyday when I visit this website I see a post about a husband having an affair, or a suspicion that he is cheating, or an irritation that he is getting to close to a female friend. I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society, and the levels of infidelity shock me.

I'm Irish, and believe me that the men here are not perfect. We have high levels of addiction (alcoholism) and dysfunction (anger management) but the infidelity is definitely not as commonplace (although it does take place but not as frequently). Yes, Irish marriages/relationships break up, and adults may get a second life partner after a relationship has died, but the actual 'cheating' is not as common and is scandalous if it does take place.

I find it shocking that an average man can contently sleep with another woman, and then go home to his wife and kids. My mind boggles that a woman can feel like she has a right to encroach on another womans husband and take a father from his family.

worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/infidelity-rates-by-country

Uk not that high up the list

You'd be surprised, we kind of do😉😆!

Huh?
The linked article says 4.4 and 4.6 per 1000 marriages for UK and Ireland respectively.

Sorry. A larger draw for pedos as they aren't allowed to have traditional romantic relationships. I know not all priests are pedis obv.

Sorry to derail but this got me thinking, if more percentage men cheat, who do they cheat with? Are the women cheaters busier or what? Do more single women cheat with married guys?

Believe me, Cheating is every bit as common place in Ireland.

Many women, wrongly, tolerate much worse behaviour here.

This.

‘I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society’
How very silly of you 🤣 it makes sense that a relationships advice board would be full of people asking for advice on their marital problems… I’d say that’s common sense! For example, I do not post about my (as far as I know!) faithful, lovely husband because I don’t need advice on that, there’ll be countless others just like me!

You are looking at the crude rate which is per 1000 population. I was referring to the refined rate which is per 1000 marriages.

how do we know? The rate I mean, is it from anon surveys?

And you should see the Welsh!!!

Oi! Nothing to see by here!

She must have done.

If you know about nature, or our ape ancestors, most males do not get a look in./nada, which is why they fight each other. Females only want the best males they can get and the females are poly too.

Haha, mumsnet absolutely is not an accurate description of what is going on in English society. I’d stop believing that for a start! How do you even know which posters are from England anyway?

I'm not Irish and I don't live in Ireland but there may be fewer cheats because there are fewer people. The population of Ireland is way smaller than England. This would be the case for murders and other statistics as well I assume. I would also imagine that due to the historic strangle hold of the Catholic church, people are more reluctant to get divorced and face a societal backlash. From what I've seen and read, much of Ireland is still quite rural. Everyone knows everyone else and you're likely to have your aunty living down the road. Very few English villages still have "English villagers" living in them so the structure of society in the two countries is somewhat different.

How can you possibly know this. You may just not know as many people who have had affairs. Have you canvassed the population of Ireland. You can’t possibly know this for sure. Sounds to me like you’re in denial.

France was very Catholic too. That never stopped them.

Either Ireland is special and the men are super-faithful, or you just think they are...

I did hear men overestimate and women underestimate in the surveys but idk country-wise, depends how much they trust the anonymity of the surveys.

Men are made to be rampant more so due to testosterone but that is the urge only, it’s a blunt instrument of nature. Females are tuned to get the best male they can each pregnancy, so males are often ‘left to themselves’ so to speak.

Thank God they're not like that now! My priests said the very opposite, that I needed to separate from him and make a life of my own. They never , in any way, shape nor form even so much implied I shared any of the blame and put it all on him! I'd say as so much more is known about the different types of abuse these days (and adultery is a form of abuse in itself and usually accompanied by other forms as well, such as gaslighting!) Catholic priests are becoming much more aware of the trauma and damage caused by adulterous spouses to their victims- the betrayed spouse!
The only thing a Catholic, or at least a practising, believing one, will not be given permission by a priest to do, is take up with another person. That is unless you get a Church annulment and then a divorce, then you'd be allowed marry in church again!

Being married does not and never has been proof that someone is not a paedophile or child molester, nor a protection for children!

Huh? That's bullshit, surely. About the English. I'm not from UK (come from another EU country) and I can tell you, affairs/divorce is just as common there.

Furthermore, it wasn't that much different with the older generations (I'm 36). I have a wide range of friends of different ages/generations and we discussed this very topic a few times. Yes, divorces were much rarer, that's true. 'Obligation', etc. But cheating? Plenty of that. Mayyyybe less than now, but I wouldn't be too sure.

I'll be flammed for this no doubt, but whatever. I don't see cheating as a massive deal. As long as your other half doesn't know and no emotional affairs involved. What you don't know won't kill you. Yes, I did it myself. On solo trips abroad, work trips and some such. It's just sex, I don't think about any of the men, never met them before or after, and don't view it as a big deal. My partner might have cheated on me too, I just don't know any of it and as I don't, why would it bother me.

Can I see your evidence for this? Because of all the scientific information I’ve read on this, it’s very circumstantial and based on theories with no actual biological evidence to back these claims up. As I said, scientists can’t seem to agree on humans and monogamy and whether it’s natural or societal.

And I’m not sure I buy the theory of men wanting to spread their seed, because if that’s the case why do they wear condoms? If they actually wanted to spread their seed they would have loads of kids to pass on their genetics, but they don’t, they just want sex. Wanting sex and it being part of your biological make up are not the same thing.

Maybe up to a few decades ago when Irish people were very devout it was rare! It's very sad and destructive, but I suspect it's now becoming far more common here!
Devout my arse. It was ILLEGAL to get divorced in Ireland until not long ago. I went to a cousin's wedding in the 1980s, they split up after a couple of years but she had to wait YEARS until she could get divorced. Contraception was ILLEGAL until relatively not long ago, way to keep women shackled while the lads went out drinking

Now I'm just spitballin here but c...could that POSSIBLY be because....people having affairs tend to keep quiet about it?