What is with the English, affairs, and divorce?

[BoundaryGirl3939]

Everyday when I visit this website I see a post about a husband having an affair, or a suspicion that he is cheating, or an irritation that he is getting to close to a female friend. I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society, and the levels of infidelity shock me.

I'm Irish, and believe me that the men here are not perfect. We have high levels of addiction (alcoholism) and dysfunction (anger management) but the infidelity is definitely not as commonplace (although it does take place but not as frequently). Yes, Irish marriages/relationships break up, and adults may get a second life partner after a relationship has died, but the actual 'cheating' is not as common and is scandalous if it does take place.

I find it shocking that an average man can contently sleep with another woman, and then go home to his wife and kids. My mind boggles that a woman can feel like she has a right to encroach on another womans husband and take a father from his family.

Um, what on earth OP? I'm Irish and:

My dad left my mum for another woman he'd had a long affair with. We three kids get on fine with dad's second wife.

My sister's husband left her for a woman he'd had a long affair with. Sister and kids get on fine with OW.

My best friend's husband left her for a woman he had a brief affair with.

I was married, had an affair, and am now divorced and living with the man I had an affair with.

In my first job out of uni in the early 00s, there were two well known affairs amongst colleagues in our small office.

Amongst my dad/siblings three of five are divorced (all now in their 60s or 70s).

Amongst partner's parents' siblings, three are divorced (all in their 60s) along with scores of family friends, following affairs. I could go on and on!

An English harlot! :)

This is very true 😂😂

It's not like it's a representative sample though, this is a site where people post about their issues so you're gonna get a disproportionate amount of affairs, divorce etc . Also people rarely state where they live or their original nationality unless it becomes relevant for some reason.

I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society, and the levels of infidelity shock me.

Then you are stupid and incapable of using basic logic.

That was a low blow and it didn't take long, did it! Talk about anti-Catholic bigotry. There are paedophiles and child abusers in every profession, occupation and agency and neighbourhood, although they do like to get into positions where they can be around children a lot without suspicion, which is no longer the case with Catholic priests because of the CSA scandals. And be aware, there's paedophiles and abusers of all kinds in Protestant denominations and indeed, all religions.

I have a friend whose Irish husband effed off leaving her with 3 very small children. He will not admit to OW but had given my friend the script so I'm very doubtful.

The Catholic church is a larger draw than others as they don't allow priests to marry.

hehe! THIS

A larger draw for what? For priests to have affairs?

lol😂

Survey bias.

Either you are a narcissist, and post how great your life is
OR
You moan online

Many people aren't narcissists (and the British are notorious moaners!), so inevitably you're going to get the "he didn't do the dishes" stuff rather than the "omgz, my husband is the absolute best!"

That's the inherent danger with MN. If you EVER loved men, you won't after coming here because all people do is moan about them.

Maybe because the English are secret sex maniacs? 😂

I’m from a faith community. Of course it does happen sometimes but it’s rare and socially totally unacceptable. There is probably a degree of shame and worry that other men would think poorly of you. I think other people turning a blind eye or finding flirting when you’re married okay, adds to the likelihood of a full blown affair happening. Obviously the key thing should be the hurt you cause your wife not what other people think of you. But being part of a community where it’s unacceptable definitely decreases the chances.

Google the statistics and you will see the article where Ireland is called ‘Europe’s infidelity hotspot’. Although it probably isn’t a fair headline.

Ireland has 6.57 divorces per year per 1,000 marriages whereas the UK has only 2.44 so I think your anecdote is not representative OP.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography

It's the Epimenides paradox, but with sweeping generalisations about the Irish and the UK instead of Cretans, and survey bods ringing people up and asking 'are you a liar and a cheat?' and then filling their database with the answers.

Makes a nice change from crossing rivers with foxes, geese, and sacks of grain.

Oh, yes. Say, if someone speaks to us in an Irish accent, we immediately turn our backs on them.

Happens to me with my English accent, in Ireland, all the time.

There's post after post of it because it's a site where people come to ask for advice?

The majority of our (English) friendship group are married with no affairs/infidelity. Majority of their parents are still together too, or were until 1 died. Presumably if you met us @BoundaryGirl3939 you'd think people in England didn't ever have affairs

It really wasn't the norm years ago. I'm mid-60s and my Grandparents generation was full of affairs and children whose fathers weren't their mother's husband. Misogyny and male privilege meant it wasn't openly discussed.

What is it with the Irish, alcoholism and child abuse?

What is it with the Germans, racial supremacy and starting world wars?

What is it with the Chinese, inscrutability and stealing US tech IP?

What is it with the Italians, hot-bloodedness and facism?

What is it with the Indians, political turmoil and gang rape?

What is it with the Japanese, schoolgirl porn and yakuza?

Wow OP, this casual racism is ace! I could do this shit all day!

We Irish have a saying:
Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're an idiot, than to open it and prove you're an idiot.

You're not naive, you're just an...

I'm Irish. I've had 72 affairs in my lifetime

Agreed it wasn’t the norm unfortunately @Chowtime. During family research we found out about affairs going back generations with illegitimate children and people leaving their partners. During both wars apparently there was lots of it going on, particularly with a British women and American soldiers. The difference is we don’t tend to stay these days.

People don’t come on here for advice on their perfect wonderful lives. You are not getting a fair representation of any population by the nature of what these forums exist for. Advice. And generally advice on problems.