Ghost or be brutally honest?

[TheBeesKnee]

I'm posting on behalf of my friend who, in her own words, is too angry to think straight.

She went on a third date to a man's house to make pizza. His suggestion. When she got there he was very low effort, joggers and crocs, had the ingredients but no rolling pin (but helpfully pulled out an old flour-crusted bottle of wine as a solution - suggests he's done this before? 🤔).

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy. There was a crusty bar of soap that looked like it hadn't been used in a while. There was no other soap/hand wash in the bathroom or kitchen.

Other highlights include a tour of the house and "this is where the magic happens" when they got to the bedroom.

She doesn't want to see him again. They are both mid 30s.

YABU - she should ghost him
YANBU - tell him she doesn't want to continue dating him because he's a dirty bitch and she doesn't want to further populate her microbiome

Sorry don't think this will work as you don't own a rolling pin ....

Utterly bonkers

Just tell him she's not into taking things any further 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why be a bitch?

Makes me think of this song:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OAYMKhHTDGk&pp=ygUodmljdG9yaWEgd29vZCBpdCB3b3VsZCBuZXZlciBoYXZlIHdvcmtlZA%3D%3D

😆

Reminds of when I had a few dates with a bloke I met. We were getting on well, until he invited me back to his place. OMG. He did tell me he wasn’t the world’s tidiest person but bloody hell. His house stank of cat piss. He had a battered old car in the drive plus his regular car. There were fairy lights dangling about randomly. He had thrown a sheet over a corner of the room to hide lots of crap.
There was also a heap of cat shit in one corner.
Needless to say I didn’t see him again.

A heap of cat shit

That’s a bit worse than wine bottle pizza!

Yep cat shit.
He told me he had a few cats so I thought ‘Ooh nice,’
Not so nice seeing their shit.
He did seam clean when I met him but I suppose anyone cash wash and wear clean clothes.
I’m not a clean freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I absolutely knew I could not have a serious relationship with anyone who lived liked this. There is no way I would stay there and there is no way I was prepared to start cleaning a potential partner’s house.

I would also be fucking angry is someone invited me to his place on only a THIRD date and couldn't be arsed to clean up or make a bit of an effort with his appearance.

However, ghosting is cruel. Just say you're not compatible and wish him well, and if he asks why, tell him the truth and block.

I don't think that's a fair comparison, you're not going to potentially be living with a friend!

Im surprised any “magic” happened in that midden. Must have desperate for 🍆.. I’m not judging just observing.

You might well end up living with a friend. You most likely won't end up living with most men you go on a date with.

For what it's worth, I have decided not to live with particular friends because of their lifestyles, and I have decided not to go on further dates with men for all kinds of reasons.

I never felt the need to say, "I don't want to live with you because you have too many one night stands and I don't want to be always finding random men in the house" to my friend, or, "I don't want to go on further dates with you because you have bad table manners" to a man I had been out for dinner with. Just, "Thanks, but I don't think that's going to work for me."

Tell her to send him a card with a little poem, like those grabby wedding invitations:

“I was looking forward to our date, but I’m so mad I can’t think straight;
It was an evening full of shocks - not least that you were wearing Crocs;
We made pizza with no rolling pin; you’re so untidy - buy a bin!
‘The magic happens’ in a dump - there’s not a chance that we will hump;
So now, Crocs man, you I must ditch - because you’re a dirty fucking bitch!”

😂
joggers and crocs
I'd leave as soon as I saw that scene

I actually laughed out loud. Brilliant!!!!!!

This does have some merit, I will admit. 😆

👻 it’s spooky season, I vote to ghost him 😁

Love this.

Is "Your stretch marks are a real turn off" an appropriate way to end a relationship? Or would you prefer to hear "sorry, I'm just not feeling a connection"?

She shouldn't ghost him. Whenever someone says they're going to do that I always ask them how they would feel if someone did that to them?
Time to be a grown up and tell him it's not going anywhere - she can either give no further explanation than that (he may infer that her visit to his place is the reason) or she could tell him she couldn't be with someone who has no sense of even the most basic hygiene standards (this feedback may prompt him to up his game in the future).
On the upside, she's had a lucky escape now she's seen him in his natural habitat! 😂

But you don't use a rolling pin to make pizza.

<<Misses point of thread>>

Sorry I forgot to update the thread and the recent replies have reminded me!

She sent a nice, neutral "been nice getting to know you but don't think we should carry on, all the best" type message.

How do we think he replied?

A. a generally neutral response along similar lines.

B. A little rant about how he didn't like the he saw notifications on her phone from dating apps and having to "pay for everything" even though they took turns getting rounds in on the first 2 bar dates

B. Definitely B.

She's dodged a dodgy one there for sure.

Absolutely the best reply she could have given. Short, to the point and no personal attack. She can walk away the bigger person here and forget about it.

Definitely B.

I absolutely supported a simple non-explanatory end to the "relationship" by OP, as she did, but due to his snarky response I would have been tempted to follow up with "actually, I'm ending it because you're one filthy pig with a total lack of self-awareness".

Yep, OP definitely had a lucky escape.

She should have sent the poem! 🤣