Ghost or be brutally honest?

[TheBeesKnee]

I'm posting on behalf of my friend who, in her own words, is too angry to think straight.

She went on a third date to a man's house to make pizza. His suggestion. When she got there he was very low effort, joggers and crocs, had the ingredients but no rolling pin (but helpfully pulled out an old flour-crusted bottle of wine as a solution - suggests he's done this before? 🤔).

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy. There was a crusty bar of soap that looked like it hadn't been used in a while. There was no other soap/hand wash in the bathroom or kitchen.

Other highlights include a tour of the house and "this is where the magic happens" when they got to the bedroom.

She doesn't want to see him again. They are both mid 30s.

YABU - she should ghost him
YANBU - tell him she doesn't want to continue dating him because he's a dirty bitch and she doesn't want to further populate her microbiome

I hope she had the final word 😁and send a "sweet" text responding to Floury Wine Bottle Man -

"Oh dearie me, seems like I made the right decision! All the best"

and.....BLOCK!

Be honest. Just get her to list the things she didn't like and say they are deal breakers. That way you are actually adding value to the person for future rather than some nonsense excuse.

Why must there be this veneer of politeness or lying.

Exactly this. I think a lot of women are tired of being hopeful, only to see that some men put in minimal effort and still expect an outcome-- or 'magic'. I get it. While her anger may have been a little over the top, it was more than likely frustration.

Hence why I have not dated in 10 years and will more than likely never date again. :)

Let me guess, B? Most men who do not out in effort and expect an outcome usually get very angry. So your friend dodged a bullet. And her response was good: neutral. No explanation needed, in fact, had she explained a little, he would know what buttons to push and rope her back in.

Neither. Ghosting is just embarrassing to do as an adult but you don't need to go to brutal truths in this situation either. A vague explanation will do.

A dirty bathroom would be a major turnoff for me! (no issues with a clean wine bottle to roll dough, if you must roll pizza) Fine to just say a polite, vague "not feeling it" "not sure we're aligned" blah blah.
Only worth getting into the details if that's the genuine only reason, and all aside from that she'd be really keen. Otherwise leave the brutal honesty to his close friends and family

Oops, just spotted this is ironically a ghost thread! Sounds like she dodged a bullet and there were more red flags...

The wine bottle was not clean either

Oh well in that case I'd be tempted to reply, "OK, well I preferred not to get into specifics because I saw no point in hurting your feelings for the sake of it, but I'm looking for a grown up, not someone who doesn't clean his flat and rolls out pizza dough with a dirty wine bottle because he doesn't own a rolling pin."

Yup - given his reply she should definitely do this.

Or

"Well, I was trying to be polite, but given your response:

a) we bought rounds on our first two dates - you didn't pay for "everything"
b) if you're going to invite a date around to your flat on your second date, do the decent thing and make yourself look like you're actually interested
c) if the "make pizza together" thing is just some sort of ruse you use for all your dates, make sure you clean the wine bottle roller between uses; but mostly
d) clean your flat, particularly the bathroom, and for the love of god buy some bloody soap so that visitors can wash their hands after using the loo, because clearly you don't!"