Ghost or be brutally honest?

[TheBeesKnee]

I'm posting on behalf of my friend who, in her own words, is too angry to think straight.

She went on a third date to a man's house to make pizza. His suggestion. When she got there he was very low effort, joggers and crocs, had the ingredients but no rolling pin (but helpfully pulled out an old flour-crusted bottle of wine as a solution - suggests he's done this before? 🤔).

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy. There was a crusty bar of soap that looked like it hadn't been used in a while. There was no other soap/hand wash in the bathroom or kitchen.

Other highlights include a tour of the house and "this is where the magic happens" when they got to the bedroom.

She doesn't want to see him again. They are both mid 30s.

YABU - she should ghost him
YANBU - tell him she doesn't want to continue dating him because he's a dirty bitch and she doesn't want to further populate her microbiome

@rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo

people do generally make an effort and try to look their best on dates, yes.

He probably rolls out of bed at 8.45am onto the pile of clothes he took off the night before, pulls them back on, and it's down the stairs and out the front door without even so much as a glance at a toothbrush or the proverbial bar of soap.

Please tell me he was still patiently waiting at first base or it's off to the dentists with her for a deep clean.

As others said - just say she doesn't want to take it further. (Which is true). Why the need to be unpleasant. How would you feel if someone said they didn't want to see you again and listed the things they found repulsive about you. Not nice and not necessary.

She just tells him she’s not interested in going on another date. True. He didn’t ask for feedback.

If does ask why, then best for her to be honest. If he’s otherwise a nice guy then some pointers for self improvement are going to help him.

She should be grateful for the early warning that he lives in a sty.

I might tell him why I was bailing, I’m not sure. At least he would know for the next pizza date.

I can neither fathom why she's so angry or why this requires a post, to be honest.

Some people are gross - male and female.

It takes one text to say thanks but no thanks. End of issue.

Rolling pin wouldn’t bother me. “Where the magic happens” comment probably wouldn’t bother me, but I can see why someone else would think it was off.

As for the bathroom - I had a friend who was seeing a man and went to his flat to find his bathroom in a diabolical state (think dirty toilet etc) and she straight up told him she was flabbergasted that he’d think it was alright to invite her over with his bathroom like that. Man in question apologised and it was spotless from then on. So…. Mentioning sometimes works.

She sounds like a bit of a cock. She doesn't have to date the messy guy (a messy woman will take him!) but being angry is stupid and weird. It'd be like dating an uptight mum.

I honestly don’t understand the ‘so angry I can’t think straight’ element of this, nor the astonishingly rude ‘dirty bitch’ line!!

Everyone has their horrendous date stories, now she’s got hers. It’s date 3, the perfectly reasonable time to send the thanks but no thanks text. Just be a bloody grown up about it and move on.

Get offline and go and clean your home!

I’ve used a tin of beans as a rolling pin, next time I’ll try a wine bottle 😂

‘I’m not interested in taking this any further, bye’

No drama needed.

Good grief- do people have zero social skills any more?

Why all the drama of ghosting or being monumentally rude to him? why cant she just tell him they arent compatible and its not going to work out and wish him well?

BTW "where the magic happens" is a line from MTV Cribs and its what all the celebs say when the camera man gets to their bedroom - I imagine he said it in an ironic way as its said in Cribs, not in a deadly serious way 😆

Too angry to think straight!??
Bahaha I've heard it all. I don't want to see her if she's genuinely been wronged

This is true! Good god DH’s car the first time he picked me up in it, Jesus H Christ. I said if you ever come round with a car this dirty again I’m not getting in it 🤣 he apologised and it was spotless after that.
I really, really liked him though (hence him now being DH I guess haha). The fact I got in that car on that date still amazes me now 🤣

There is absolutely no way I would go to a mans house after 3 dates. He's by all accounts still a stranger so anything could be expected. Your friend was fortunate this man didn't demand the 'magic'

You're essentially asking us if she should shame or ignore him. Neither are called for here.

Flap your hands and go 'eeewwwwww' at one another. There's no need to detail it to the man concerned.

Fuck all wrong with using a wine bottle as a rolling pin.

Your friend needs to set her bar higher. No matter how frustrated, fed up. It’s always best to jump over a high bar, than limbo under one. That’s where the dross lurk.

Neither.

He was comfortable in his own home and doesn’t own a rolling pin.

She didn’t see any handwash but doesn’t mean there isn’t any.

His hygiene isn’t up to her standards - fine.

She doesn’t need to be a bitch about his dress sense or the fact he doesn’t own a rolling pin.

Its very immature for either of you to even consider ghosting and I’m wondering if you are actually as old as you say you are.

All she has to do is tell him that she doesn’t want to see him again and wish him luck for the future.

Why is she angry? He's not her type so she just needs to move on. I don't get why you would be angry about it.

Does the dude have a proper pizza over or not?

I've often used a wine bottle as a rolling pin 😂👌🏻

The rest...no need to be cruel is there really? 🤷‍♀️

I'm old, but what's scaring me the most is going round to a strangers flat when you'd only seen them twice!

Third date at his place because he thinks women have a three date rule before they put out . He didn't even have the manners to clean up his flat and make the effort to look good . He's got a nerve . I would just text and say I don't think we are compatible , wish him well and block .

Does It really matter what she does? She’s decided she doesn’t want to see him again. It’s almost as if this thread is completely pointless.

Answering for a friend …