Ghost or be brutally honest?

[TheBeesKnee]

I'm posting on behalf of my friend who, in her own words, is too angry to think straight.

She went on a third date to a man's house to make pizza. His suggestion. When she got there he was very low effort, joggers and crocs, had the ingredients but no rolling pin (but helpfully pulled out an old flour-crusted bottle of wine as a solution - suggests he's done this before? 🤔).

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy. There was a crusty bar of soap that looked like it hadn't been used in a while. There was no other soap/hand wash in the bathroom or kitchen.

Other highlights include a tour of the house and "this is where the magic happens" when they got to the bedroom.

She doesn't want to see him again. They are both mid 30s.

YABU - she should ghost him
YANBU - tell him she doesn't want to continue dating him because he's a dirty bitch and she doesn't want to further populate her microbiome

I opened this post thinking there’d be a ghost photograph or story that I could rubbish. Disappointing.

She seems quite over dramatic to be so angry she can’t think straight. All she has to do is message and say it’s not working out for her. Which isn’t a lie.

The rolling pin wine bottle was dirty from the last time it was used.

so what if she is lying to him they are not in a serious relationship and her standards are different to his

just not really feeling this is enough keep it light

of course he has done the pizza making before maybe as it wasn't a success he will try something new ....

Why is she angry? This is him telling her how he lives. She should be thankful she found out on date number 3 and not make a date number 4.

Sorry to have let you down during spooky season x

Biohazard levels too high, chemistry levels too low. I personally wouldn't bother slag off their home or hygeine. I'd just say thanks but I'm not really feeling a connection. Good luck with dating. Ps. I strongly suggest you invest in a rolling pin. 🤣

"The rolling pin wine bottle was dirty from the last time it was used."

It had flour on it.

That's probably my mental age, ngl

I don't really understand why she is angry. They're just not compatible and that's OK.

If it's that bad,why didn't she fake an emergency call or stomach ache and leave? I can't imagine being this angry but staying for the date. Did she chew in stony silence after polishing the cutlery on her frock?

Ghosting is rarely acceptable. She needs to grow up and tell him she is no longer interested, she doesn’t need to call him names or never speak to him again, just have an adult conversation.

I know. So angry she can't think straight and the OP has to post on her behalf 👀😂

No, just vague and tactful. No need for lies or the brutal grass truth, both of these are completely unnecessary.

Agreed. I can’t imagine being that angry because someone doesn’t have a rolling pin or a dirty bathroom.

I might feel that frothed about the crocs though.

Why is she so angry? I mean she's just had insight into the fact that they are obviously not compatible - saves them both from wasting any more time on each other.

She could just say she’s not impressed with the lack of effort.

At this stage of dating he should be trying to impress her, not depress her.

Do they wash the bottles occasionally though

This is such and overreaction. What on earth is wrong with just saying they’re not compatible and just moving on?

When this happens to me I send the text and Amazon Prime them some hand wash (and usually toilet cleaner).

I once went on a date to a bloke's house - I really fancied him until I got there. It was like something from Bottom, with a filthy kitchen, dirty water in the bath and - I shit you not - a flea jumped out of his curtain when I touched it.

That was the end of that. I didn't want to touch anything - certainly not him after that, as it was no longer clear that he actually ever washed - and I never saw him again. I think I just ghosted him though tbh, I doubt I told him about his flea-ridden curtains.

Any guy wearing joggers and crocs on date 3, while saying "this is where the magic happens" about the bedroom (bleurgh) would see me gone in seconds, even from a Pristine Palace of Hygiene.

"I think we should call it a day as we aren't compatible" and block.

I would find him deeply unattractive as well, and agree with @ThatTealViewer.
A dirty lazy slob wouldn't get very far with me.

But she has chemistry with this man! 🙈

This is all a bit unnecessary. She can just politely decline another date. The bloke is not to her liking, but hasn't actually done anything wrong. End of.