Need a hand hold

[Imbluedalale]

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

Offering a hand. Do you want to talk about it?

Big hugs!!

Hi, anything in particularly or just general shittiness?

I'm here if you want to talk.

Here if you need someone to DM OP!

Here too. Sending hugs.

Big hugs

Thank you . I have posted about it before but then I got worried my ex had found it so asked for it to be deleted. I don’t even know where to start so I’ll just explain as much as I can :
I suffer with severe anxiety and depression and tried to take my life last year spent 7 weeks in hospital and was on medication
This February I got cancer and have been quite unwell this year and had 7 admissions to hospital last one being for 3 weeks
Split up with partner of 15 years recently (DV, emotional abuse , him finding someone else )
Was having cancer treatment but on 1st cycle got too poorly , firstly had colitis then was hospitalised for 3 weeks with paralysis of right side due to toxins of cancer treatment so my testament has been stopped
Didn’t speak to my partner whilst in hospital and when I got discharged had to get a taxi home and next day he told me he wanted me out
Was made homeless last Tuesday so been living in hotel provided for by council
As children not classed as homeless they staying with ex partner until I find somewhere having seen them for 9 days and desperately missing them
Eldest son hates me he called me a cunt and laughed when he found out I was going to be homeless
Relationship with daughter strained at moment every time we text we argue
All the stress has made me feel so poorly having really bad panic attacks and dry retching and can’t sleep
Psychiatrist and mental health team came to see me today in my hotel room
Juat really really need a cuddle

Oh my word you poor thing - what an absolute load of shit you have been through!! Big big hugs from me

Thank you . Anyway the psychiatrist and my mental health team and home treatment team have recommended me going with them for a while to a house which offers 24/7 support for a while so I’m going there tomorrow but right now I’m having another bad panic attack and I have reached out because I’m desperately missing my kids and I don’t want another night of feeling like an utter and complete failure . I just need some strength right now if that’s ok?

You are not a failure! You have been through absolute hell and you're still holding on! You will get through tonight, even if it's minute to minute, and tomorrow you have people to look after you. Of course it's OK to want some strength - if I could share some over the Internet I totally would. You got this, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Thank you , I’m not a bad person or I didn’t think I was but I must be to get all this . I literally have nobody anymore I don’t even know if I’ll see my kids again I think ex is going to take me to court and try and stop contact

Oh Dear oh dear
You are in our hearts
Try to battle through
My ex - though I still love her. has stage 4 breast cancer. is doing very well
They have said she can go on to three monthly checks
as the pills to restrain it are doing well

You are not a bad person!! Bad things happen to all people - good, bad, or both. Try not to think too far ahead - don't borrow trouble from the future. Right now all you need to do is get through tonight. Can you put some music on or watch videos / TV (depending on what devices you have with you) as a distraction? You are worthwhile and valuable and you have a whole host of mumsnetters wishing you well

As for the kids. Calm and fight and just say. I'll go to court
no worries. They don't like it up them

You are going through so much bless you.

I don't want to say too much but a while ago my children went to emergency foster care as I had a mental breakdown and for arrested. I have suffered with my mental health my whole life but that was my absolute lowest point.
It hasn't been easy but a year later life is really good, my children are with me and thriving and I'm in a really positive place.

My point is that however horrible things might be, just think 'this too will pass' and get through each day. One day you will be OK I promise.

You're going through so much, it's no wonder you need a hug 🤗.

How old are your children & do they realise how poorly you are?

You're so much better off without your ex-partner.

I hope you find some peace and rest at the house you're going to💐

Thank you very much .
I’m having 3/4 weekly checks at moment but I did cancel my appointment on Tuesday as I really didn’t feel upto it . I’m seeing a neurologist in 2 weeks about my paralysis, I can’t really get about very well at the moment . I’m glad your ex is doing very well . I’ve really had some terrible thoughts go through my head this last week more so last 3/4 days

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
I havnt had the tv on yet since I’ve been here, I did bring some books and I’ve managed to read abit this week . I fell out with my sister last week too as I found out she had told my ex where I was staying and they had been texting each other which I’m really upset about. My ex had also been ringing my family and my parents I don’t know what he said but I’d recently opened up to them about the abuse and the situation and they knew he didn’t contact me or fetch my children to see me whilst I was in hospital and my parents went away on holiday because of the stress and I hardly hear from them now

That’s what my mental health worker said and my domestic abuse case worker but they said I need some strength to do that so they think the best thing for me right now is to go away with them for abit and get some extra help and support

Oh if only terrible things happened solely to bad people. If anything, if seems like the opposite most of the time.

In no way could you deserve all that's happened to you, OP, no way at all. That's all just so much to deal with - you will though! You will deal with it & you will be on the other side of it all at some point!

The supported housing sounds absolutely ideal for you at the moment, of course being alone in a hotel room is going to make you feel awful - of course it is!

I used to work in a hotel & if a resident, in your position, needed someone to sit with them a while we'd absolutely have done it. Is it worth reaching out to reception & explaining? Seeing if there is someone on shift who'd keep you company for a bit? There's no shame in feeling how do you, you're only human after all.

Sending you many digital hugs & hand-holds. You might be by yourself but you're not alone xx

Thank you TashaTudor.
I’m sorry to hear you went through a bad time but I’m pleased to hear you have turned it around , this gives me hope . I didn’t have bad mental health before but my ex gradually broke me down piece by piece and not im just a shell. What kind of person meets somebody else whilst their partner is going through cancer ?

Thank you .
My children are 13/17/18. My eldest who’s 18 despises me he calls me the c word all the time and tells me to ‘fuck off back to the mental hospital’.
They know I’ve got cancer and that I’m currently paralysed down my right side . My ex has told them I’m having a breakdown but my mental health nurse said I’m not I’m just very poorly and it’s not surprising with how’s he’s been treating me

Thank you so much Caerulea.
I’m in tears reading that . I’ve been down to reception a few times and they know I’m not ok they have been great and they even washed my clothes for me other day . I’ve been breaking down quite alot whilst I’ve been here and I feel emotionally wiped out . My mental health team have been absolutely wonderful they fetched me a food package last week as I can’t walk properly and a care package with toiletries in and they have been seeing me every day. Because I had to get out in a hurry I didn’t bring everything I needed nor my medication so they have been collecting that for me they have just been great. I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t have that support from them this last 9 days . I knew it was going to be hard leaving but I never expected it to be this hard

I remember your other post OP.

You're bloody amazing and you will see your kids.

I'm so glad you've got some lovely mh workers who are looking after you.

You will get stronger and you'll mental health will improve.

You've been beaten down by a big bully.

But you will become the person you were before you met him.

Sending you 💐💪

You don't mention friends or siblings? Is there anyone you can call on for support, to help you through this very difficult time? The mental health team seem very caring, which is great. At least, you'll be cared for by them.

What time will you be leaving the hotel to go to the house?

Could you manage to lay your head down and go to sleep now?