Need a hand hold

[Imbluedalale]

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

A cuddle for you OP. Do what you can each day, take the positives and I really hope your children come to their senses and look after you. I would like to think your ex partner would step up too. Keep fighting the good fight you can do this 💪 💓

Thank you Bumblingbee101.
I just want to look after my children and be there for them and do mumsy things but if I can get better than I will be able to do that once I get a new home and if I have to go to court for that hopefully I will be in a stronger position to do so . My mental health team said if it does go to court they will be fighting with me every step of the way but that’s not something I can think about right now .
I wouldn’t want my ex to step up now , I’ve become afraid of him not in the sense he would physically hurt me again but in the sense of I know what he can do and what’s he’s capable of doing and I don’t need to speak to him again all children have their own phones and can sort Christmas etc out better us although I have agreed boys can be with him this year as daughter at her dads but hopefully next year I can have them all round our table in our new house and make new memories.

Exactly and soon you'll recognise that and then you'll think 'no that's my ex that says that' and eventually those voices will quiet and you'll be left with your voice.

Mini Colin sounds delicious 😋

I can completely understand that. DV is a terrible thing to experience. You have a really positive attitude you can do this. Get well, take the support of your mental health team and do everything you can. You will have Christmas together ❤️

I don’t need to prove to my ex anything anymore he’s my past now even thought he’s still trying to destroy my future . I just need to try and prove to myself I’m not the things he has said to me and I can do this . Some of the things he’s said I can’t change like saying my scars are disgusting and that no man will ever find them attractive but hopefully one day they can be my survival scars of fighting cancer . And if I can get through this maybe I’ll start to believe I’m not weak and that I am strong .

He wasn’t physically abuse every day , he only beat me up 3 times in the last 2/3 years the most recent when he broke 5 of my ribs in March it was more the emotional abuse and I spent a lot of years mainly the last 5 thinking I was causing it so I used to apologise all the time.
Anyway he can’t hit me or emotionally abuse me anymore . He will still try with the kids and by speaking lies about me and to the courts etc but I won’t have to look at him whilst he does that so he will never have to see my pain from what he does again which means he might get satisfaction from it but he won’t get a reaction from me

Sending you a big hug for the night. You can find you again and evict ex from your head. It’ll take time and there will be some ‘redecorating’ to do, just like with a house, but you will do it. What scents do you like best?

Thank you TealPoet.
One thing I do definitely know is that I will never ever let anybody treat me like that again . I never actually want to be in another relationship but if some time far far far in the future I did I wouldn’t put up with the slightest wrong doing from them.
Scents I like best …. I love smell of fresh laundry and fresh towels and bedding. I love white company scents for candles and there’s a place called sense aroma that does amazing wax melts . But I also love smell of cut grass lol . My favourite scent perfume wise is from a company called Shay and Blue called black tulip , when I worked at the bank somebody stopped me every dry to ask what I was wearing even men

It helped in terms of feeling heard but it didn’t move things forward, I said to my husband it was draining and I couldn’t cope with organising it (ADHD) so I needed his help but it didn’t happen. So am in a strange limbo. I may get some counselling via work just for me as lots of things to process and it does help but you need the time and focus for it. Make the most of having that time and space.

As other posters have said, ignore the horrid messages. Incredible that people would do that. You know the truth, your children do or will. Your youngest sounds very sweet.

Hope you get another good sleep OP, good night.

I'm really sorry to hear you are having all these problems; it's horrible and I feel for you not seeming to have much support. Try not to give up; go out for a walk everyday and get fresh air, so you sleep better. Notice small things that are beautiful or heartening.

Have regular breaks from your phone and do one small thing that's a help to you in your life each day. Get a good book or just develop a routine like walking to your local library and reading a chapter of something absorbing.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, get bogged down in your own thoughts or other people's worlds, instead of taking small steps to make your own better. X

OP, I've just read this thread and OMG lovely you are coping with so much, even a quarter of which would floor most people.

Your strength of character shines out from every one of your posts and you will come through this I'm sure. You sound like a wonderful caring mum and deserve so much better than the awful ex and his ghastly family. Take time to focus on you - it sounds as though you have fantastic support - and concentrate on doing things that make you feel better and stronger. Remember as well we're here for you, if you want to vent, or chat, or just need a big and a handheld - just reach out and we'll be there (as the song goes).

By the by, Shay & Blue's Black Tulip is one of my favourites as well, so lovely.

I’m sorry it made you feel that way . If you feel you need counselling then you should definitely go for it even if it helps just you . You definitely need the time I do agree on that . Before all this crap happened I was seeing my mental health nurse once a week anyway and because I know I needed to go I just saw it as an appointment and she’s knows every single thing about me now so then I used to go and see her , tell her my problems , vent a lot and then we worked through what we could change and what we couldn’t . She’s sad for me right now but she’s so proud that I’ve left

You too Ruralretreating.
sweet dreams and good night xx

Hi AtomHeartMotherOfGod.
Thank you for your message .
I dont have support of family or friends but I do have some amazing support from others . My mental mam health team have been amazing inc the councillors and doctors . My cancer team have been amazing . My domestic abuse support worker had been lovely and another lady from creative support has been amazing and Andrew from the homeless team at the council has gone above and beyond for me and everyone who has taken a minute out of their day to send a message of support .
I can’t get out at the moment as I can only walk about 50 metres at a time but hopefully my paralysis will start improving in the next few months because I would love to go for a walk in nature especially this time of year when all the leaves have fallen from the trees.

Awwww what a lovely message NeedWineNow.
Thank you very much .
I’m not sure about coping because I wouldn’t be here otherwise but I suppose I’m coping by getting help and support to try and get through it best as I can and that’s all I’ve got right now just to try and get through this . And if I am able to I know I will be able to get through life and whatever else is thrown at me . Thank you for being there means the absolute world to me right now.
And shay and blue black tulip omg I can’t get enough of it I love it so so much the smell lasts forever Aswell xx

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Frequently text all your kids very brief messages saying “love you. Working hard at getting well x.

Simple and don’t engage in any bother with them.

Morning @Imbluedalale!

Hoping to see an update that you've had another successful night's sleep (unlike me who spent half the night with my velcro dog ignoring my personal space trying to sleep on my head & have woken with a stonking headache).

Not sure where you are in the UK but could be a good day for weather watching out of your lovely bay window.

You are doing amazingly well! Well done on getting through that first counselling session - that must have been exhausting. I would tell you to block and ignore the people sending you negative messages, but you've already done that - you are wise as well as strong!

As to scars - for a start anyone like your ex who says scars are disgusting has something very wrong with them. I don't imagine most people think that way. Scars tell a story - of strength and courage. I would bet quite a bit that you look lovely, and that your ex only told you different to put you down.

Hope you’re managing a good day and got some sleep! How anyone who ever claimed to love you can abandon you during treatment and call your scars ‘disgusting’ is beyond me. Thankfully you’ll soon be beyond him ever hurting you again, even in echo form in your thoughts. Big hugs for today.

Hi Caerulea.
Thank you for checking in .
I managed to get a little sleep but not as good as first night I was here. I just feel really sad today it’s been nearly 2 weeks since I’ve seen my children.
My councillor told me that there’s a storm coming this afternoon so I’m going to sit by the window with my book and look out.
Lol 😂 dogs are so cute and funny

Hi ChoccieCornflake.
Hope you’re having a nice weekend?
My councillor knows I’m having a bad day with my thoughts etc so she keeps checking in on me.
People used to say when something bad happens in life that’s when you really know who your friends are. And that’s what scares and upsets me because I’m going to have no friends and no family and if he gets his way which he always has so far I’ll not have my children.
Re my scars hopefully I will be able to look at them one day and not have exs voice in my head . I remember when I was in hospital the most recent one I couldn’t move my right side at all so had to get help getting showered and changed . And I was sat on a seat in the shower whilst the nurse was washing me I kept saying sorry about my scars to the nurse and she took my hand and said ‘stop saying sorry you are beautiful’ 🥹

Hi TealPoet.
Are you ok?
Im just sat on my bed watching and listening to the rain . I’m into my book now so going to read some of that and I’ve got an M&S beef hotpot for my dinner later.
Im not having a good day and I didn’t get much sleep but I’m trying to stay positive and in trying not to think negative things and worry about future but I’m finding it all hard today .
What are your plans for this afternoon ?

Massive hugs. The best way to get through bad times is one step at a time and try to distract yourself. Hopefully there is some good weather to look at from your window - either sun or dramatic rain. Where I am it's just grey, which is neither one nor the other!

As to your worry you won't have friends - you may end up with different ones from the ones you had before, but you will definitely have friends! You are so very clearly the kind of person that people like, and no wonder - you're lovely! And you will definitely have your children!!

And if the nurse says you're beautiful, then you must be!!

Thank you for the hugs ChoccieCornflake.
Really need them today , thank you.
That’s what I’m doing I’ve just made bed and tidied up room and I’ve got my shower pile ready to have a nice shower . Just trying to keep busy.
It’s raining here but not very dramatic at the moment.
And I think the nurse was just being kind as she didn’t know what to do with a naked sobbing woman bless her .
I hope your having a nice weekend xx