Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

[SHAW82]

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

I’d just be glad of the quiet. I am divorced though …

How has he responded to the questions you've asked him?

😂

I think I'd have to sarcastically say. "Oh as for me, I'm fine, yes, thanks." But only if it wouldn't cause an argument. Sometimes people need a prompt.

But it's a shame. My husband can be a bit like this. He does generally ask how I am but if I was to tell him about something that was bothering me on a Monday, he'd show interest at the time but never follow up days later. If he knew I had a personal goal, he'd be interested in the moment of talking, but not ask again.

Sigh.

I assume he's relaxing.
Isn't that what spas are for?

I thought that was the point of a spa? I’d be pretty frustrated if I was trying to relax and my husband kept boarding me with questions!

My husband would hate a spa (as would I). Did he want to go?

Maybe he wanted to go and just switch off and not chat?
I love DH but sometimes his endless chat makes me want to scream. In fact his need to chat at the spa has put me off going

Doesn't he know everything about you anyway? Dh and I would be chilling.

Maybe if you get off your phone you'll have a chance to connect?

I am not sure I would expect questions... possibly just chat. I am now desperately trying to think about whether me and my DP ask each other many questions 🤔 We spend a lot of time together though as I WFH most days and he is a SAHD and we are parenting small children. Do you lead quite physically separate lives where there are lots of things he might not know about?

If you wanted to chat why didnt you go out for a meal or something? I would want to relax and switch off at a spa

I don't want to be interviewed at a spa, personally.

I'm guessing this might not be a difference in spa etiquette and you might be having a bit of a moment where you realise that this has happened your entire relationship...

I get it, but maybe he thinks that going to the spa IS the spending quality time together.

Maybe he thought you were annoying for talking when he just wanted some togetherness in silence at the spa?

My husband does this to me ! ‘Oh you haven’t asked me one question’ sad face!

fucking irritating !!!!! He is there to relax too, not be secretly judged.

you are hard work

And just tell him stuff coz like you are married !

And then to whinge on mumsnet.

yup hard work

If I took my husband to a spa all that I would be getting out of him would be gentle snoring.

It sounds like you are a talker and he isn’t?

I love my dh but honestly I sometimes run out of things to talk to him about. He however could chat all day. At a spa I’d want to relax and keep chat minimal.

I'd say because you're at a spa, YABU as he might just want to have treatments in silence and relax. It would annoy me if DP kept talking to me and asking me questions. Maybe going to the pub for lunch or something would have been better if you wanted to chat.

I wouldn’t expect to be doing much talking at a spa.

I’d think it a bit rude to do so. I view a spa as a place to relax and enjoy the quiet. I’d be a bit annoyed if I was trying to enjoy the quietness and someone wanted to talk or others were talking. There are way better and more suitable places to talk.

Men don't ask women questions. Once you notice it, you'll never be able to unsee it.

Why are you talking? You’re at a spa. I go to a spa for a day once a month or so, and it’s quiet time. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone… it’s quiet time. Maybe a little bit of catch up, a run down of chat about the news or whatever or some gossip but after that… it’s quiet self reflection and relax time. I’d really hate to be asked question after question.
Go for a dinner date if that’s what you want.

Mine does.

I started dating a couple years ago after being single for a decade. This was one of the things at the top of my list; someone who would be engaged. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and it’s definitely one of the reasons I stayed with this one after the first few days (along with a whole load more reasons). He asks questions and he remembers what I’ve said, he remembers things I have coming up and asks about them etc. Men who are interested in you will take an interest. He does the same with his friends and with his family, so it’s not perfomative for a new relationship. He takes an interest in the people in his life.