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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

165 replies

SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 12:02

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

OP posts:
FelixtheAardvark · 17/10/2024 19:48

No kids and the guy wants a nice quiet relaxing time. That's all. YABU.

unmemorableusername · 18/10/2024 10:17

When someone shows you who you are hear them.

He's not interested.

Edingril · 18/10/2024 10:21

So you said husband so your married so what on earth do you normal talk about? Find you it's a wonder there is room at the spa as all people talk on here about is booking spas it's amazing it wasn't fully booked

I would have no idea what ro say to my husband stuck in a spa

IlooklikeNigella · 18/10/2024 10:23

MSLRT · 17/10/2024 19:16

People are missing the point. It doesn't really matter where there are. Clearly the husband is full of his own importance and only talks about himself. Doesn't show any interest in his wife. I have had friends like that. They don't ask me anything - just rattle on about their lives and opinions and often talk over me. Can't be doing with them - unfortunately it isn't as easy to get rid of a husband.

The most sensible advice I've seen. My ex was like this OP, I sympathise. I don't know if maybe I'd communicated better what I'd needed that things would have improved. I had a tendency to walk back in those days if things were in anyway hard work. He was a nice man and treated me very well but once I'd tuned into this I couldn't unsee it and I ended the relationship.

IVFmumoftwo · 18/10/2024 11:35

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/10/2024 17:51

Another six years and the entire message history will be

Bread

Milk

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Cat food

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...
Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Fucking cat got a mouse under the sofa

Cat food

Teabags

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Show quote history

Twelve years married that sounds about right. 😂

supersop60 · 18/10/2024 18:08

5128gap · 17/10/2024 19:16

He has connected. He's connected with you by talking about himself and what's going on in his life, sharing with you. Its just not the type of connection you were hoping for, which was him showing interest in you and your life. How revealing that is about his character and/or general interest in you needs more context to judge. It may mean he's self absorbed. It may mean he finds your life of no interest. It may just mean he's got loads to share and made the most of the space to do so. Your guess will be the best one as you know the man.

Yes.
He thinks you ARE connecting and having a lovely chat.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 18/10/2024 18:29

My exH never asked me anything about myself. And never really absorbed the little that I did tell him. I don’t think there was anything that I didn’t know about him … my DH now is the total opposite and we have great and real intimacy because of this.

tuvamoodyson · 18/10/2024 18:38

IVFmumoftwo · 17/10/2024 12:48

Next thing you know you are texting "we need bread".

Show quote history

I got on the bus with my DH today for a 40 minute journey…he slept for 38 of them.

PorridgeEater · 18/10/2024 18:49

I had a family member who I guess had read somewhere that a good way to get conversation going was to ask questions. It was simply irritating - I get asked enough questions in my work!

OldScribbler · 18/10/2024 20:24

SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 12:02

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

Fascinates me how many people seem to be living together with minimal interest in each other. I must be a bit peculiar. No longer married, I have family and friends all over the world and we keep in contact a great deal. Maybe I'm a busy body.

Deeperthantheocean · 18/10/2024 20:44

Is a spa his thing? In our earlier days we would enjoy it but I wouldn't be able to drag him to one now! We would still chat though but could be is actually relaxed and just wants to enjoy the feeling. I dunno, sorry, but maybe just try to do relax too. Xx

woollybean · 18/10/2024 20:47

Why would you expect to be questioned? It’s just a time for you to be together and relax.

tolerable · 18/10/2024 21:26

push him in the pool

pineapplesundae · 18/10/2024 22:04

Either you’re over him and you’re tired of his self absorbed behavior or, he’s over you and is not interested in you anymore. Only you know the answer. Life is short! Don’t spend it feeling sad.

OldScribbler · 19/10/2024 02:09

OldScribbler · 18/10/2024 20:24

Fascinates me how many people seem to be living together with minimal interest in each other. I must be a bit peculiar. No longer married, I have family and friends all over the world and we keep in contact a great deal. Maybe I'm a busy body.

Show quote history

I have been thinking. Only you and maybe some of those close to him know his character. I live with a couple and their daughter. The husband rarely says anything unless it's practcal. l had to ask his wife whether he liked me, because I could not tell. She said yes. And I found out last year when I was ill and had a major operation. He spent hours ferrying me back and forth to hospital and staying wth me there. He was there for me when it mattered.

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