Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

[SHAW82]

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

Mine does.
A lot. Even when I’d rather he didn’t 😁.
He can be quite needy sometimes though and likes my attention when I’d rather just be relaxing quietly.
Just happens occasionally ‘talk to me will you’ in an irritated, sad face manner. Gives me the rage. It’s normally been preceded by him spending ages scrolling!

I’ve been married 16 years…. He still asks after me all the time! More than I do him.🤷🏼‍♀️

Mine does.

I've been with mine 9 years and we have a toddler. I still get asked how my day was and other questions. 🤷‍♀️

It could be this...

I thought that was the point of a spa? I’d be pretty frustrated if I was trying to relax and my husband kept boarding me with questions!

Or this:-

I'm guessing this might not be a difference in spa etiquette and you might be having a bit of a moment where you realise that this has happened your entire relationship...

If you you could elaborate you might get some useful answers...

So true. Sigh.

But, it sounds like he is happily chatting away about himself? Its OP who isn't doing any talking.

Why are you on your phone and expecting to chat at a spa? Your DH probably wants to relax and you're there yapping in his ear, can't imagine that's very relaxing

Jeez, a Q&A session at a spa!?!
OP, you seem really needy / high maintenance imo.

I've never met anyone in real life who has been to a spa.

😂

Ok?

And?

It's 'being a man'. No?

Self absorbed. They don't necessarily think of others, rather they think of how they look to others.

Their only interest in you is the level of your interest in them, and how available you are to meet their needs.

It's interesting when you turn off the caring and attention tap.
You realise they have absolutely no interest or curiosity about you.

It's not quiet though... he's talking 😂. Also, we had lunch which was s good time. Could have felt like a dare of sorts. I just think it's a rare opportunity to connect, which is much needed. Feel like he has no interest in me. Not sure it's deliberate but it has an impact.

Maybe he wants to relax.

If I was at the spa and you kept trying to talk to me - I'd be tempted to drown you in the hot tub

Unless you ask everyone you ever meet, which would be strange, I'd imagine that you probably have. Maybe not in your own family and social circle, but that may well be down to you all sharing similar interests or location or socio-economics into which a spa day doesn't fit.

Well you haven't met many people have you, I go twice a year!

Sometimes the best chats, time to connect, are not pre-planned. Like a walk or an annoyingly long drive.
You can connect without asking constant questions... just enjoy being with each other.
Also, men are dense.

Find someone that likes you op.

Why is connecting all about how you feel? I connected to my late DH through our work together. Our best times were discussing our writing and painting, working co-operatively. Also connected through talking about things we were interested in and what we liked doing apart from our work. Him asking how I felt, or vice versa, sounds a bit artificial - more like the prelude to a row about how 'you don't understand me'/'you never listen to me'. We connected through what we did together.

In that case he sounds like my dh!

Have you pointed out to him how it makes you feel? That conversation should be a two way thing? I did, and he definitely tries harder now.

I think I’ve also accepted it’s who he is though - he takes after his dm who talks incessantly too and can go into monologues. Some people don’t seem to cope well with silence and feel they have to fill it which leads to them talking about what they know - themselves! I’m the opposite - quite happy to sit quietly, don’t particularly like talking about myself. We probably make a good couple really🤣

Tell him how you feel I’d say, in a non-confrontational way. One of the things I said to dh was “can you tell me what you like best about me because I sometimes don’t feel you ever ask me anything about myself”? He was a bit shocked and it got us talking about what we love about one another which is nice. You sound like you need some attention, but is he oblivious to this?

You have to go on gut feeling OP. With some partners this would mean nothing, with others it would be a sign that he is not interested in you.

TBF you are on your phone moaning about him, which isn't the greatest sign either.

I hate when DP is in an asking questions about nowt mood, when I just want to chill. When we're having a meal or drinks, or pottering at home yes, but chill time like a spa, I'd be silently seething.