Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

[SHAW82]

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

When I go to a spa the last thing I want to do is chat, and certainly not answer questions. 😫

😆😆

It's telling that a lot of posters are keen to tell you that they don't want to talk when they are at a spa and ignoring the fact that both you and your husband are happy to chat but only one of you is actually getting to do so!!

Maybe spas attract those that are more interested in talking about themselves than listening to the person they are engaging with.

"Men don't ask women questions. Once you notice it, you'll never be able to unsee it."

Do they ask anyone questions, I wonder.

Lovely 😁

One of the things I realised when my marriage started to crumble was the lack of chat and small talk. I used to try and it was all one way traffic. The silence was deafening.

I'm not saying it's the same for you OP but I sympathise. Hopefully your DH was just trying to enjoy the spa in quiet. What is he like usually?

No some don’t. Women can be the same, I feel like a lot of people talk at you, don’t listen to what you have to say in response and are too busy thinking what they are going to say next while you’re thinking.

I feel like social media has made people this way.

He was happily chatting away without any need for reels of questions from me, as some posters have assumed I was bombarding his peace 😂. This was over lunch too, not in the quiet environment. The issue was that the conversation was one way, with a lot of talking from him and little interest or curiosity beyond that. Just felt like a missed opportunity to have a two way connecting chat.

Not at the spa when I posted

I agree, should have clarified. It was during lunch at the restaurant. Seemed OK to chat there. He was happily and willingly chatting away. Just not showing any interest in a two way interaction.

Should have clarified, this was over lunch not in the quiet place. He was willingly chatting, just with no interest in bringing me in.

@SHAW82 honestly your op and follow ups have been very very clear for some reason lots of pp's are determined not to understand or listen to you 😂 oh the irony

you literally said “at a spa”.

Another six years and the entire message history will be

Bread

Milk

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Cat food

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...
Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Fucking cat got a mouse under the sofa

Cat food

Teabags

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Should have clarified, this was over lunch not in the quiet place. Felt like a very appropriate place to have a conversation. He was willingly chatting away, just seemingly with no interest in bringing me in.

Ah, I understand. Sorry that sounds hurtful for you. 😞 xx

What? 😂 God DP and I love a good child free spa. This thread has inspired me to book one soon actually!

So how is he chatting away if he's not getting input from you?

It's s as 2 way thing....start to answer him with your own thoughts....use your words and make it into the conversation you want!

I have a mento image of a relaxed DH chatting away and you op, sat there stoney faced waiting for him to put you up on a pedestal!

Unfortunately many posters these days (especially on AIBU) will only read your opening post, OP. You didn't mention in your opening post that this actually happened at a long lunch, so a lot of people aren't going to see it because they don't read the OP's updates.

Apparently it's got something to do with being on the App.

Oh, and you need to 'bring yourself in'

Although to be fair, she posted at 12:02, stating she was at the spa and that she had been asking questions and getting nothing back about herself. No one would think they had been at a long lunch at 2 mins past midday, to the point it had been going on long enough for it to bother her and then have time to come onto post on MN.
If it wasn't actually today it happened, she posted in the present tense, so that's going to throw people off.

Although you're right, on the app it's hard to see all the updates easily.

This sounds really miserable but when kids were small they used to go to the in-laws for a weekend every 6 weeks
so whilst our only chance for freetime together
all I want to do was switch off and enjoy peace

People do communicate differently, just because someone asks less questions doesn’t necessarily mean they’re less interested.

He has connected. He's connected with you by talking about himself and what's going on in his life, sharing with you. Its just not the type of connection you were hoping for, which was him showing interest in you and your life. How revealing that is about his character and/or general interest in you needs more context to judge. It may mean he's self absorbed. It may mean he finds your life of no interest. It may just mean he's got loads to share and made the most of the space to do so. Your guess will be the best one as you know the man.

People are missing the point. It doesn't really matter where there are. Clearly the husband is full of his own importance and only talks about himself. Doesn't show any interest in his wife. I have had friends like that. They don't ask me anything - just rattle on about their lives and opinions and often talk over me. Can't be doing with them - unfortunately it isn't as easy to get rid of a husband.