Before I approach head with the request

[Number14]

Hi guys,

Just looking to gather some ideas/options before approaching head.

DS just started reception at siblings’ school. Reception kids finish 20 minutes earlier than other year groups. I.e Reception at 3.pm and other years at 3.20. DS has SEN (just reviewing his draft EHCP now). Major transition/sensory issues. His class teachers/other staff have seen his melt downs during pick up time e.g throwing himself on the floor, hitting me, throwing things, running onto road! On top of this - I have to wait 20 minutes in front of the school until sibling is let out. Cannot wait at reception - very small. I also have a 3 year old to deal with. Dad is at work but on off days he picks son up and brings him home before returning for his sibling. It has started to become really unsafe because the tiniest things can set him off and he runs off! And he gets so tired waiting.

I have thought about approaching school head re either letting him stay the 20 minutes in school or letting my DD go at the same time as him. DD is year 5 and says those 20 minutes are allocated for reading/getting ready to be dismissed. 3/5 days would be this format.

Am I being unreasonable? Any other option? Would they go along with it? Do I have a compelling case?

Thanks everyone!

My DGD's school does this staggered end thing for reception But I can see why. It's one of those old Victorian buildings and the doors open almost straight onto the pavement. There's no playground either at the front or the side for parents to wait in and space is at a premium. So it allows the little ones to come out in a fairly calm environment.

It’s more that there are always children left over for around 15 minutes. Our home time is 3.10. The teachers then drop any late children to the office by 3.30 so that 20 minutes is never available for other things. I wouldn’t say this is particularly unfair as some schools don’t finish until 3.30 anyway.

We’re a big school so have lots of staff. We had a child in foster care who we would have with one of us until 4 at one point and as I said, I’ve walked kids home (to the estate that neighbours our school) at different points over the years.

As I said, I wouldn’t expect a teacher to do this every day but as a school leader, I would expect the HT to find a way to help.

Your well being
Your time
Your money
Your needs
Not everyone is you! Why can’t you accept that some schools and teachers may be happy to do it? Why can’t you encourage? Be kind? Bloody say a motivating sentence to me?

Not all teachers feel how you feel. Some
schools do have good teacher well-being provisions in place. Not all are unhappy. Everything is not just about monetary value. What you perceive as babysitting another teacher may see it as a continuation of their work. Not all teachers will see it as a burden and no teacher will informally do it. Perhaps it is actually part of their SEND policy?

The problem is even if in a few days if i were to come back here and say school has no problem, these kind of adjustments is part of their SEND provision as long as teacher is happy - you would still be unhappy! You’d probably then go on how the teacher is wrong, blah blah blah.

Anyway, I won’t reply further. I got what I needed from everyone else. Good alternative ideas, encouragement, some mindful constructive criticism and well placed disgust at the existence of the timing difference in the first place.

I did acknowledge that....you must've ignored that bit. I do encourage and am kind....I spend all my lunch break supporting students....

Nope not everything is monetary but if teachers are having to pay to look after other people's kids then that isn't right is it?

Nope I wouldn't be unhappy as that is what I already do....give up my undirected time to care for SEND kids.

Do not reply further, you seem to be quite hell bent on fabricating things about me and are so far from the mark. I will support kids as I normally do because some of us are kind and I will also ensure I support ALL with SEND unlike you who refuse to accept the needs of others.

Quite shocking that you mock the needs of SEND people. Appalling in fact.

Most of the kids are ok to stand around, eat a snack and play (there has been few incidents of hitting but dealt with quickly) the parents just stand around and chat.

Not going to be so much fun in November / December / January / February and on those days with heavy rain though.

I realise this is a separate issue. I can't believe that parents haven't just started being late to pick up their dc, tbh. Not that I would condone that, but I know that's what would happen in a lot of places if a school put in such a ridiculous idea.

Anyway @Number14 I hope you can find a resolution to this. If your dc has significant needs, all schools I've worked in would work out a solution to make sure he is able to cope with the transition and go home happy most days. I wish you all the best.

This is another case of 'teachers can just'.
It always involves someone telling them to just give up smallish amounts of time for someone else because teachers should be selfless and think of the children.

No.

While sympathetic to the op, the answer isn't a teacher giving up their time for free. And yes it is for free as the work they would be doing in that time still needs doing.

But that is not necessarily what would happen. Without discussion with the Head, we don't know what the options are. There may be a TA available, for instance. Given that the child has just been issued with an EHCP, there may be money available to pay for an additional 20 minutes of work for a member of staff (my son has just received an EHCP and it has massively opened doors to this sort of support). I am a teacher myself, so understand what you're saying, but you need to understand that a child with an EHCP is a totally different scenario.

I don't have much to add in terms of ideas as I can see you've got lots of helpful ones, plus the usual ignorance from those that have never lived it (ignore, they're everywhere and are always very vocal on what they would do, having no knowledge of your children, school, or life). I have two autistic children, one profound and in special school, one more able and in mainstream, but with his own challenges. It's a juggling act, but don't be afraid to ask school what they can do to help, use all the tools you can to make sure everyone is safe, reins, buggy, screens, games. My sympathy, it's tough, and the difference in finish times is bizarre, I've never encountered that before. Your child is entitled to reasonable adjustments, it is a disability regardless of how it presents.

@surreygirl1987

I do understand.

I surprised you think any TA is available for 20 mins each day after school just hovering around waiting for a task.

A head using an hour of funding for after school care rather than prioritising support in the classroom is not making the best choices in my opinion and experience.

In this case my school would allow an older child to leave early.

Schools have no money and staff have no time. We aren't being mean, we're at capacity, beyond capacity.

No, I don't think you do understand...

Depends on the funding and what it says in the ehc. If there is nothing in there about after school support then the school doesnt have to do it. That's hard but it's true.

And I would definitely not take the older child out early. Siblings of children with disabilities already end up taking a back seat to their siblings' needs. It is unfair to expect a child to miss out.

I had two children with additional needs/ehc plans at separate schools! Pick up was extremely tricky - I had 10 minutes to get between the schools. I got other mothers to help, used after school clubs.

School may be helpful and come up with something but OP can't rely on it.

Hi op,

yes talk to the school and I am sure they will sort you out as they can. They wouldn’t it yo be unsafe for DS or DD.

as another idea…Ipad? I know it isn’t great but one episode of something will maybe make him sit safely?

Good luck 🌺

You should certainly discuss it with the school and try to find a solution together.

But surely given the need for routine he has you couldn't just get random teachers/staff to sit with him?

This is standard format around here with staggered finishing times to also help with traffic flow, a pain when you have them in each side.

I doubt there are staff to have your DS, after the kids have gone there is untold to do and organise / departmental meetings etc.

not sure they would let your eldest go early, however I think this would be the slightly better chance of success.

Try speaking to the school, remain calm and composed as you really need them to do you a favour here, as they may only offer you after school club, but some SEN kids this is not an option as they can struggle in this environment.

I know if parents in similar positions to you did bug hunts in nearby undergrowth, looked exhausting and messy everyday in all weathers, but did the trick.

This. This is a reasonable adjustment to support your SEN child. I am sure the school can see the issue and don’t want this any more than you do, so I would go in with your suggestions and also open the conversation as to what other things they might suggest that might work. I found going in being unemotional and with suggestions (don’t expect them to come up with everything) but remaining calm, clear and assertive got me the furthest in terms of accommodations for my SEN child. I also went in with the mindset that we (parents and school) will be working together to find solutions and support my DS, so the conversation started off on the right footing. If needs be, have a cry at home! Those conversations can be difficult. Good luck.

No,
ultimately the routine will vary for his safety so it needs to be something that remains every day needed.
what I would have thought is mum come and collect same place and then is added the new bit of routine. For the less disruption…the ipad? For a 20min episode of something so he sits and not going in roads?

@Weverunoutofteabags 👏🏼

But it's the older child who has to leave early and I think it's unfair to them and to be avoided. Siblings often have their lives severely impacted by disabled siblings and lose out on so much as the parents have to accommodate the disabled child (one of mine has a mld, autism, adhd, epilepsy and its hard to prioritise everyone's needs,).

Is there an after school club? You could pay for your your youngest son to go and pick him up straight after you’ve picked your eldest up. This would be the most obvious solution to me.

I think the easiest way around this would be to pay for your son to attend afterschool club for 20 minutes on the three days he’d have to wait.
It might be pricey but it’s less than a year now until he’s out of reception and finishing at 3.20 with his sister.
x

Could you ask the class teacher to let your child out last so at least it kills a little bit of time and then let your daughter out first?

If your child has SEN, I would absolutely say you have a compelling case. Particularly if you're applying for an EHCP. The school should be making reasonable adjustments. Good luck.

A compelling case for what? If the ds school day finishes at 3pm, I don't think the school can be compelled to take responsibility to help his parents manage his safety for 20 mins after this?