Before I approach head with the request

[Number14]

Hi guys,

Just looking to gather some ideas/options before approaching head.

DS just started reception at siblings’ school. Reception kids finish 20 minutes earlier than other year groups. I.e Reception at 3.pm and other years at 3.20. DS has SEN (just reviewing his draft EHCP now). Major transition/sensory issues. His class teachers/other staff have seen his melt downs during pick up time e.g throwing himself on the floor, hitting me, throwing things, running onto road! On top of this - I have to wait 20 minutes in front of the school until sibling is let out. Cannot wait at reception - very small. I also have a 3 year old to deal with. Dad is at work but on off days he picks son up and brings him home before returning for his sibling. It has started to become really unsafe because the tiniest things can set him off and he runs off! And he gets so tired waiting.

I have thought about approaching school head re either letting him stay the 20 minutes in school or letting my DD go at the same time as him. DD is year 5 and says those 20 minutes are allocated for reading/getting ready to be dismissed. 3/5 days would be this format.

Am I being unreasonable? Any other option? Would they go along with it? Do I have a compelling case?

Thanks everyone!

@TheGlassCastle so the dd misses over an hour and a half of school a week?

@Number14 could you get a double buggy? Would he sit in it? I'm wondering if he would be safer buckled in. Also, if he's tired he could rest.

I'd be very surprised if school can help on this. Your DD absolutely cannot miss 1.6-2.00 hours of school every week, nor can a staff member look after your DS for the same amount of time.

I'd there another mum that you can pay to pick up your DD with her own child?

I wouldn’t see a problem with your daughter being collected at the same time as her brother for a maximum of two and a half terms

Really? I suspect that the DD would. This is really not fair on her. It must be difficult enough having an autistic brother whose needs have to come first, without being 'othered' from her classmates and missing nearly two hours of learning a week

I think the issue is that the current situation isn't safe and it sounds like that you can not build in a safe routine for your son unless supported by the school.

The support could be either a safe space to wait, a side room. Or one of your children's school day being adjusted. Or something else that.

I would be tempted to present the Headteacher or senco with the problem, which is 'the current situation of waiting 15 minutes is unsafe for my child. It could result in my son being injured or potentially another child or me being injured, If he hits me'. Then ask for help and support for coming up with the solution.

What a bizarre set up? Is the just a translation timing until reception have settled or is this always the case? What a pain to have to hang about that long.

Could a child minder pick DD up from school or do you have any friends at the school who DD could walk home with?

I think definitely talk to the school. School have a level of duty of care and should be willing to try to find a solution.

I would be tempted to present the Headteacher or senco with the problem, which is 'the current situation of waiting 15 minutes is unsafe for my child. It could result in my son being injured or potentially another child or me being injured, If he hits me'. Then ask for help and support for coming up with the solution.
But after the school has closed and the dc is in their parents care, do the school still have responsibility?

Nope it isn't their view it is about the teaching times being different for year groups. You cannot ask staff to work for nothing for 20 minutes a day but I would suggest asking if you could read in the library with him for 20 minutes instead.

It is quiet, dry and YOU can then supervise.

If your DS isn't safe near the road and runs off do you actually need a disabled pushchair. Littlest DS sits in it to school Second child gets in it when you pick him up, strapped in and snack etc afterwards. 3 year old goes on a buggy board.

You can't ask for your DD to miss 3 x 20 minutes a week that's 39 hours over a school year. And they may just be packing away but that's when any important announcements will be made / letters given out.

If DS is that challenging at home do get a referral to Young Carers for your other two DC so they can have some respite.

Is there a childminder or local parent you could pay to walk your daughter home? Then you could ask to leave with your DS even earlier than the standard Reception leaving time, as it sounds as though that is too much for him at the moment.

How about a double buggy?

YANBU at all. I’m a senior leader in a primary school and would absolutely allow this. I’d probably ask to meet in the middle - pick up reception DS 10 minutes late at 3.10 and pick up other child at 3.15 allowing 5 minutes for transition between the classes.

Teachers are generally required to stay with the children who are late for 15 minutes after the official pick up time anyway. So if home time is 3.15, they are usually expected to wait in the classroom until 3.30 before taking late children to afterschool club or wherever the arranged place for late kids is.

I think it is reasonable to ask. Much more likely they will send year 5 child out early as this doesn't cause staffing issues. We did something similar with a child at my school when Mum had bad anxiety waiting in the playground for the older child.

Extremely unreasonable. School finishes for him at that time and he's your responsibility. Nobody else is being paid to teach or look after him. And your other child is still having his lesson.

You take him out, deal with him and pick the other one up as expected. It's the only fair thing to them both.

BS. Reception kids all over the country finish at the same time as everyone else. More like it works for the school logistics.

Doesn't make sense at all for most parents I'd imagine.

I don’t think it’s uncommon to have KS1 children leave school earlier than KS2. It happened at my local primary.

Are year 5 allowed to walk home without an adult? Is that possible for you, if so.

I think I’d ask if you and your boy can spend a few minutes in the library or other quiet space until the older one finishes.

Please speak to the SENCo at the school. Explain how this is distressing and dangerous. If they are not helpful ask for help from early help. This is not forever (assuming DD goes to new school for yr7) and if your DD is not struggling academically then that 20min which realistically is going to be faffing time is unlikely to impact her. Especially if you collect DS at end of pick up e.g. 3.05 by time you walk round to get DD at 3.10 she is missing very little and it is calmer for her (as in everyone gets home safely and calmly - no judgement i'm living this juggle too). She might even get chance on way home to chat with you about her day. All this is more important than 10-20min reading, circle time, putting on coats etc.

So working unpaid is acceptable - if mum wants childcare she pays the staff for childcare. Given she is there she can provide her own care within the school.

Nope they might let that happen in your school but in mine the kids are in ASC and charged. Staff have places to go after school - meetings, training and their own kids to collect etc. So the parents learn to be on time if there are consequences. 1 offs are ok but regular get charged.

Maybe you should work for free for almost 2 hours extra per week which is what is being asked....add that up across the year x 39 weeks and that makes 1.5 weeks extra work per year unpaid! Despite the fact most work unpaid before school and after anyway....

No, it isn't fair on either of them.
The younger one with SEN gets highly distressed.
The older one then has to come out to Mum dealing with distressed sibling rather than giving her any attention.

Would it work if you leave the playground when you have collected your child between 3 and 3:10pm, and then your Y5 child has permission to walk home by herself... or at least walk to a particular road where you always park the car if this is too far. Then you can either catch up together during the walk, wait at home or wait in the car with the youngest children. I think it would be reasonable request for your Y5 child to be allowed to leave at the front of the line/as soon as her peers were allowed to go too. I'm a teacher in a busy urban area and I haven't come across any schools that wouldn't let Year 5s walk home if parents agreed to it.

Teachers are generally required to stay with the children who are late for 15 minutes after the official pick up time anyway
and during that time they are very busy, not sitting in the staffroom with a coffee. They simply can't be expected to look after a child who clearly needs careful supervision, every day for an extra 20 minutes.

Also, as he has autism, surely he'd find having to remain in the classroom when all his classmates had gone, really difficult and meltdown- inducing?

I am sure you would have thought of this but is your home near enough and on a safe enough route that your DD could walk home on her own?
Or could she walk back with another local parent and child?

How would your daughter feel being “special” and the only one in her class leaving early ? Children can unintentionally be quite cruel and dream up all sorts of reasons and they might ‘pick’ on your daughter / behave differently towards her which you wouldn’t want.