Before I approach head with the request

[Number14]

Hi guys,

Just looking to gather some ideas/options before approaching head.

DS just started reception at siblings’ school. Reception kids finish 20 minutes earlier than other year groups. I.e Reception at 3.pm and other years at 3.20. DS has SEN (just reviewing his draft EHCP now). Major transition/sensory issues. His class teachers/other staff have seen his melt downs during pick up time e.g throwing himself on the floor, hitting me, throwing things, running onto road! On top of this - I have to wait 20 minutes in front of the school until sibling is let out. Cannot wait at reception - very small. I also have a 3 year old to deal with. Dad is at work but on off days he picks son up and brings him home before returning for his sibling. It has started to become really unsafe because the tiniest things can set him off and he runs off! And he gets so tired waiting.

I have thought about approaching school head re either letting him stay the 20 minutes in school or letting my DD go at the same time as him. DD is year 5 and says those 20 minutes are allocated for reading/getting ready to be dismissed. 3/5 days would be this format.

Am I being unreasonable? Any other option? Would they go along with it? Do I have a compelling case?

Thanks everyone!

The quality of education being that we work extra undirected. You might learn what directed and undirected means. You do realise that teachers can work under their own initiative when not directed and you are pretending that after hours means that work stops! Nope work doesn't stop as you know but being able to be directed does. From someone who is in work at 6am....then it takes the biscuit to be called lazy from someone who probably rocks in at 8am!

Good teachers are not judged on what extra they do....sad that is what you judge good teachers on.

I work 100 hours per week and to be told I am lazy by someone who has no idea of what I do with my kids and for my kids is a joke. Sorry but I would question your standards of teaching and professionalism.

God that sounds like a crap set up anyway. At my DC’s school reception finish at 3.05 and 1-6 at 3.15. Even that 10 minutes was a pain in the arse with my 2 year old, 20 minutes would have been unbearable!

Surely other parents with dc in reception and older years get pissed off with this too? Makes no sense…

I think you may as well ask... they must have seen it all before and hopefully may offer some solution.

The other thing I think is that your DS is extremely tired and hungry after struggling through getting used to his new class and ready to let rip as soon as he gets out.

Its very difficult for you with a toddler too... but you did seem to like the idea of DS sitting in the buggy.
Maybe you could tell him that you are going to have some picnic time when he gets out. He can sit in the lovely buggy and have his snack and you will read them both a story? Perhaps if its spelt out to him like that and it becomes the new routine, it might work? Esp if the school has an area you could use for this. It woudn't involve a teacher then. Then have an alarm to pick up DD, so he knows its time. ? Sorry if that does not seem workable, but maybe there is a way to create something of a routine for those 20 mins.

I mean. You can ask.

but even my kids old school who were super relaxed wouldn’t agree to this every single day. No way.

you’ve then got to work it out for the next school etc?

The school I work in would work with you to make that work. If she comes out at 3.10 then it’s only the last 10 minutes she is missing anyway.

i assume you aren’t close enough for her to walk home alone?

OP, ignore the posters who don't understand it's due to DS's SEN needs and not just because it's 'inconvenient'. My school would definitely help find a solution to this with you. I'd approach from that angle rather than suggesting anything from the off - just DS struggles, what could we do. I assume the SENCO is already working with your DS so they should have an idea of his needs etc and so would understand

@schmeler I’m slightly confused - when did I call you lazy?

I specifically said I wouldn’t force a class teacher to do this but would do it myself if that was the only solution to help. Your comments about parents should have to pay etc. just seem a little uncaring.

The school (not necessarily the individual teacher) should want to help and support a family like the OP’s. What is your issue with that?

I have seen schools do this and allow siblings to all leave at the same time as siblings with SEN so it's absolutely possible and a reasonable request if your DS has significant needs and unsafe behaviors after school. Some schools are far more accommodating than others though so they may or may not agree.

You can definitely ask. I'm a teacher and have had children coming into school 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late because they couldn't cope with normal drop off times. I've never had different leaving times but only because I've never had a child with difficulties at that time of day. They should be able to sort something out to help you.

I wouldn't take your 5 year old out early. I have a daughter with considerable additional needs and know a lot of parents in the same situation and it starts off thinking 20 mins won't matter and soon everything revolves around the child with the additional needs. Imo you need to protect your other kids' interests and not have them losing out to accommodate your trickier child.

Maybe present school with the dilemma and see what they suggest

You are definitely not unreasonable to want the school to support you more with this, I’m surprised they haven’t already tried to help

Your anger is misplaced. They would not be on their own. Teachers are still in class. Also schools are really strict about who is on premises for safeguarding and health safety reasons. You have to sign in and sign - if there was a fire no one would know you are there! Did you miss my post about how I will be requesting if I can stay in the reception area? We cannot even do that because it blocks the fire exit. Seriously, you are just angry. Calm down - you are a winner! I tell this to my DS and it calms him. Hope it works on you too.

Many have suggested great ideas from returning the double buggy to ipads to DD walking home. I will be trialling everything to see what works.

I defo think you should ask

i mean the worst they can do is say no?

go for it. Try it

Best of luck trialling everything Op - sounds so stressful. I can empathise

Best of luck OP, it sounds really stressful atm so I hope you find a solution.

@Number14 Honestly, hope the things you’ve suggested trying help and the school can find a way to support.

Sounds like you’ve really got your hands full and it’s defo not easy.

Wishing you the best of luck x

When the children went home, I didn't remain in the classroom all the time. I was busy gathering resources from different parts of the school, photocopying, making phone calls to parents, discussing things with other teachers... The list of things that took me from my room, or couldn't be done in front of a pupil, was endless.

Likewise my head and deputy were at their busiest and least likely to be in their offices at that time of day, as at least one of them would be monitoring the end of the day routine, and that would be the time that parents or staff were most likely to come in with problems or queries.

Your school and its teachers sounds very unusual if you are all able to sit in your rooms with a pupil for 20 minutes, and yet still get things done.

This sounds like a bonkers set-up. I can see why you might do this for a few weeks until Reception are settled - is this for the whole year?

I'm SLT. I would have no problem accommodating a request like this. If it's causing upset and distress to wait around for 20 mins and you'd only need to do this a couple of times a week.

It's a very reasonable request for a valid reason so def ask to speak to the head. Good luck!

It's unreasonable of school to have two different pick up times. What about childminders, like my DC's childminder, who has multiple kids to pick up from multiple classes? I suppose she would have to wait with her toddlers and reception charges for 20mins. Seems unfair. Plus numerous parents will have a child in reception and in another class and pick up time just dragged out. What is the school's plan for all the reception kids and their parents/ carers who will be hanging about daily waiting for older kids? There will be falls and accidents sometimes with kids playing while waiting the 20mins. Are they insured for all those folks hanging around? School are BU.

So that's still an hour a week you'd expect her to miss of school?

No. This is a child with significant SEN, judging by the fact he's been issued an EHCP. There is nothing unreasonable about adjusting the system for her son. There are many scenarios where a child with an EHCP has extra support at various times in the school day.

OP you might have better responses on the SEN board to be honest.

I have no solution I'm afraid, but it is certainly worth having the conversation. It is something that would probably be permitted at my son's school if he needed it (he is in Year 1, with an EHCP). We've had a similar conversation about morning drop-offs.

I'm glad they changed it!

It's a bit like the schools that's offer part time for reception for 3 weeks. Most kids go to preschool full time so why are part time hours needed? As though we all sit around with unlimited annual leave.

@Number14 do you think he might find it confusing having two end of day routines, one where he goes straight home and one where he doesn’t? Maybe if you find something that works for him, eg double buggy, you could consider doing that every day so it’s predictable. I understand that he’s tired but it’s probably very confusing for him that some days he is able to go straight home and unwind, but other days he can’t.

As the mother of four, now adult, children, two with special needs, I really do know and understand. One of my children had similar issues to your son and reading your post reminded me of the primary school days (now aged 30 he can still be the same way). However one thing I have learn from those times is to never make one child's "special" needs trump another child's "ordinary" needs. My NT children, now adults too, have had a difficult enough time in school as the siblings of "those special kids" and would have hated anything else to make them stand out, for example leaving earlier. My daughter would have hated this so much and would only have strengthened the other children's taunts.

I hope it can be rectified with the school. My grandchildren's primary school has a slightly different home time for every year. However, please do not change your daughter's routine. I know it is hard for you and please don't think I am not sympathetic, I am, but as parents we are supposed to manage and cope with these (nightmarish) things. It is not your daughter's job to make things easier for her younger siblings or indeed her parents. I have re-read my words and really hope they have not come across unkindly, but I hope you can find a way without changing your daughter's schedule. Oh she may well say she doesn't mind, my daughter often said she did not mind either... but she did and was putting our needs before her own. No child should be responsible for that. Good luck.

I work in a school and we have a space that's essentially a sensory room/ area for children who need any additional support throughout the day. We currently don't have anyone who uses it after home time, however, we have several children with feeding issues and parents come into school during dinner times to set up in there and feed their kids etc. Do you school have a similar area that you could get access to and could wait the 20 minutes there for your eldest? That way he's in an environment that's still school, and if he does have a meltdown is at least contained and not in any danger? I am sorry OP it must be such a difficult situation and to suggest ' just let him play in the playground etc' isn't always possible in these situations at all, it's not always that simple and straight forward for children who have sensory issues and rely heavily on their routines to self regulate x