Bad ending to holiday with friend, AIBU here?

[ExhaustedAbroad1]

My friend of years invited me to go on a mini break with him, it was to be my first time abroad. He has been trying to persuade me to come away for ages now.

Being an experienced traveller he offered to sort the accommodation and make all of the arrangements.

The accommodation he booked is a twin room. 3 nights. We've never slept in the same room overnight before.

He then mentions that he snores. It worried me a bit as I'm a light sleeper and had a crap time of it with a loudly snoring exH.

I got some ear plugs and figured they would take the edge off. They haven't. His snoring is just as bad as my exH, probably even worse tbh. Ear plugs totally useless.

I didn't sleep well the night before we came away as I was nervous about flying so I was already tired when I got here.

Night 1 I managed a broken 4 hours because of the snoring, he then jumps out of bed at 5.30am bright eyed and busy tailed to get ready for the day and puts the big light on so I get up. I was that exhausted I fell asleep twice on the way to and from an excursion.

Night 2 was much of the same. I had to ask him, gently, to try moving positions as the snoring was off the charts. Barely any sleep for me again and this morning he jollied me along and insisted we go for a massive walk first thing. I'm not a very confident person and didn't feel able to say no. That is my issue I know.

24,000 steps on my pedometer by the end of the night and I'm so tired I feel ill. I laid here for about 2 and a half hours desperately trying to fall asleep because we have to leave at 6am in the morning for our flight home. Snoring like mad again.

I eventually had the idea to put some white noise on my phone next to my ear to hopefully drown it out a bit so I could atleast get a few hours in.

It must have worked eventually because the next thing I know I'm startled awake to him standing over me, incredibly pissed off, demanding that I turn it off because it woke him up. I never spoke to him in any way shape or form like that despite keeping me up for three nights.

Off he goes back to snore sleep.

I'm just sitting here crying now.

I couldn't afford to spend out on another room or I would have done.

Was I being unreasonable here?

Honestly, with a husband that snored that bad and me being a light sleeper, I'd try to get a room for the last night, it's not worth the torture.

I've also had a mini break completely ruined by a snoring friend (who did later go on to be diagnosed with sleep apnoea) so I can relate to how awful this must have been. He might not be able to help the snoring but he sounds like a very selfish person from what you've described. Don't go on holiday with him again.

Is he still alive?? I came close to murdering someone I shared a room with once who snored non-stop, even worse than my ex who snored like a chainsaw. If you wake them for a second (which is all it takes them to fall back to sleep after being woken and then starting snoring again) they are so indignant and outraged. I had one or two hours of splintered sleep in total over a long weekend. Hell on earth. I hope you're okay.

Skip the excursion and stay in bed.

Tell him with no preamble 'the way you spoke to me was unacceptable.' Ask him what his solution is for tonight.

What an ass! People like these only attract people like you. Find your confidence and ditch him.

Sounds like he is a real singleton. Does he not have a relationship with partner etc? Perhaps you know why now. Sometimes friends like this are best kept for fish and chip lunches in the pub and coffee and cake in the afternoon. They are there, but not there, so they don't upset your life. Do you like him as a person? Could you say to him that he frightened you when he spoke to you so harshly? Tell him that you will not be spoken to like that again if he wants friendship to continue. Perhaps it is more of an acquaintanceship than friendship.

So you're just going to leave it because he doesn't want to talk about it?

Had this in the past, record him on your phone then play it back and explain how tired you are. Hopefully you'll get an apology and understanding.

Do you think you may be subconsciously uncomfortable sharing a room with him which is also stopping you from totally relaxing and going to sleep? I would also tell him to go see a doctor about his snoring and see how he takes that

Drop him like a hot potato when you get home. If he asks why, tell him he was completely unreasonable on holiday and you have seen a side to him that you wish you had not and then block. He's a prick.

Snorers rarely understand the damage they cause to other people’s sleep. I can sympathise, from experience! You should have said something though, and also refused to go on the walk if you were too tired. Perhaps tried to get another room if it was possible.

He sounds selfish and unreasonable. He can't help snoring but it's bloody rude to have booked a twin room without mentioning it and asking if you were ok to share in that situation.

But in general it doesn't sound like you're very compatible holiday companions.

If you're flying back today I personally would leave it. You've told him why you had the white noise playing and that his snoring has kept you up for days on end. It's a shame he hasn't apologised, it sounds like he's embarrassed and wants to move swiftly past it.

You could keep pushing it but to what end? Best case scenario you'll get a grudging apology, worst case it will descend into a row and make the return journey really uncomfortable.

You know now not to let yourself be put in this situation again. Personally I wouldn't travel with him again, if you do want to then insist on separate rooms and make sure you stand up for yourself about activities and timings you want to do things.

It sounds like you're trying to justify it to yourself.

It doesn't matter if it was like talking to a teenager. You're not his child and he was intimidating you. It worked because you stopped. He has manipulated you into getting his own way.

He might be different to other angry men you've experienced but he is still an angry man. He is disgusting. Absolutely no regard for you. Make sure you buy some earplugs and an eyemask for the flight home and get some kip.

I would never share a room on holidays for this very reason. I know it's more expensive but I would have to have my own room and would go for a shorter break with own room. Put it down to experience, don't do it again. And no YANBU

If you go on holiday with him again, insist on each having your own room and tell him it's not negotiable.

He doesn’t want to discuss it any further, oh well, that’s alright then isn’t it, NO OP, you have to discuss this further, completely and thoroughly. I once saw on here someone describe snoring soooo perfectly that I’ve never forgotten it. They said it’s like someone presses a car horn right next to you, jolting you awake, then continues to press that horn intermittently every few seconds for the next seven hours or so, it’s sums it up perfectly. Snoring isn’t funny or something to be ignored, it’s torture to be on the receiving end of, and it’s always minimised by the offender because they can’t hear it, they get defensive because they have been told many times, but don’t want to know. Sorry to sound like a dick but you ARE having this out with him, he’s essentially deflecting all the fault on to you using the white noise to make himself the victim, you stand up for yourself and you tell him, even through tears just how he made you suffer on holiday, if he’s a good friend he will sincerely apologise, but I think you will realise he is just a defensive twat.

I seriously hope you put the white noise back on again. Sleep on the plane home too.

I have to put noise cancelling headphones on when my DH gets really noisy with his snoring and I have to speak in my normal level voice (not a whisper because he wouldn't hear it) saying "You have to roll onto your side now because your snoring" and that works. Sometimes I have to nudge him awake.

Your friend, well if he booked the room and he knows that he snores, well that's just inconsiderate and he should have booked two single rooms instead. Lastly for your own sanity, I don't use foam ear plugs any more, I do use Loop ear plugs as they are fantastic. I'd highly recommend getting a pair or two to have around.

I think just be very quiet on the way home. And write to him when you get back. Tell him he may not be able to do anything about his snoring but maybe he doesn’t realise just how bad it is because he surely would never have booked a shared room if he did. Secondly that he could have shown a little more appreciation of the fact his snoring had kept you awake rather than dismissing it as something he knows he does but can’t do anything about. Some sympathy for the fact that you were utterly exhausted and desperate for sleep would have been the correct way to approach things. And lastly the fact he was so annoyed about the white noise you put on and had the audacity to complain that it was “very loud” and had woken him up is the icing on the cake. Although no one appreciates being woken up, you found his manner aggressive and over the top and his complaint to be entirely hypocritical given the level of noise coming from him every night. It shows a complete lack of empathy. And for this reason you feel some space and time to collect your thoughts is needed while he takes some time to consider whether he needs to work on some empathetic skills if he is to be a good friend to you.

I have voted YABU because I think you are being so passive and a pushover about this.

You should be able to tell any good friend that they snore. It's also not a disaster. You now know that you can't share a room with this person again if you want a good night's sleep. You have learnt something - great.

Chalk this trip up to experience. I assume you have enjoyed other aspects - being in a new place, sight seeing etc. Concentrate on that

He knows that he snores.

Hard to enjoy the experience when you are so sleep-deprived you feel nauseous.

What a nightmare!! I think you should have been way more involved in the planning of this trip. When I go away with friends (male or female), I insist on having my own room. I simply can't sleep with a friend in the room. When he said he was planning it, I would immediately have said, "I need my own room."
As for not sleeping, that's torture. I would have let him go off and explore while I caught up on sleep.

You need to find better friends OP

NOT HIM

When is your flight home? I would stay in bed and catch up on sleep if you can today. I wouldn’t contemplate another holiday with this man, who is clearly an inconsiderate bully.

I would wait until you are safely home and then compose a letter or text to explain exactly how he made you feel and that you wont be going away with him again.

I would seriously reconsider the whole relationship tbh if he has the ability to treat you like that. As someone said, you have made him your go to person and as such he takes charge of situations which you like, but I think he likes being in charge a little too much.

This person is not your friend. Get through the rest of this trip and then step away from him once you're home. You deserve better.