Bad ending to holiday with friend, AIBU here?

[ExhaustedAbroad1]

My friend of years invited me to go on a mini break with him, it was to be my first time abroad. He has been trying to persuade me to come away for ages now.

Being an experienced traveller he offered to sort the accommodation and make all of the arrangements.

The accommodation he booked is a twin room. 3 nights. We've never slept in the same room overnight before.

He then mentions that he snores. It worried me a bit as I'm a light sleeper and had a crap time of it with a loudly snoring exH.

I got some ear plugs and figured they would take the edge off. They haven't. His snoring is just as bad as my exH, probably even worse tbh. Ear plugs totally useless.

I didn't sleep well the night before we came away as I was nervous about flying so I was already tired when I got here.

Night 1 I managed a broken 4 hours because of the snoring, he then jumps out of bed at 5.30am bright eyed and busy tailed to get ready for the day and puts the big light on so I get up. I was that exhausted I fell asleep twice on the way to and from an excursion.

Night 2 was much of the same. I had to ask him, gently, to try moving positions as the snoring was off the charts. Barely any sleep for me again and this morning he jollied me along and insisted we go for a massive walk first thing. I'm not a very confident person and didn't feel able to say no. That is my issue I know.

24,000 steps on my pedometer by the end of the night and I'm so tired I feel ill. I laid here for about 2 and a half hours desperately trying to fall asleep because we have to leave at 6am in the morning for our flight home. Snoring like mad again.

I eventually had the idea to put some white noise on my phone next to my ear to hopefully drown it out a bit so I could atleast get a few hours in.

It must have worked eventually because the next thing I know I'm startled awake to him standing over me, incredibly pissed off, demanding that I turn it off because it woke him up. I never spoke to him in any way shape or form like that despite keeping me up for three nights.

Off he goes back to snore sleep.

I'm just sitting here crying now.

I couldn't afford to spend out on another room or I would have done.

Was I being unreasonable here?

What’s he been like since OP? Any more contact?

Such a great post from DaisyChains

It is amazing how quickly some men can change when challenged. I have only seen it a few times - someone is as nice as pie as long as you are smiling and nodding along but the moment you do something that challenges their authority its like they turn into a totally different person.

That is what is disturbing about this situation - how he became so different, and is now probably sulking because he didn't want to show that side of himself, perhaps.

You need to say that he didn't need to take the tone he did and you have had to cope with his snoring. I would have left him to have a walk and said you were going for a nap because he kept you up most of the night. You need separate rooms if you can bare to go away with him again.

You need to make it clear you are never sharing a room with him again as you couldn't sleep with his snoring!

That is your advice indeed 👌🏼 I will stick to mine thank you.

op, get home and have a think on this “friendship”. One thing for sure, I think you should heal before putting yourself in this position for both sake. You need to be sure on how you read the situations or the impact triggers have on your perception. For both sake.

This! I don't think if I was the friend I'd be inviting the OP on holiday again.

Hi OP. Hope you're feeling okay now.
Just coming on to recommend a book that might help with assertiveness etc. Called 'A Woman in Your Own Right' by Anne Dickson. It's excellent.
Good for helping to change patterns that you're unknowingly stuck in and which aren't helping you move forward in your life. There are also assertiveness courses online. Good luck x

No you’re not being unreasonable.

The polite thing to do would have been telling you in advance that they sleep sounding like a tractor. Giving you the option in advance to pay for your own room.

I encourage you to work on your confidence and get your voice. Don’t let people treat you like 💩 because they will if they think they can.

How are you now ? Hopefully not long home and safe in your own space so you can sleep.

WOW, do you realise how judgmental, condescending and factually incorrect you come across here? OP don’t listen to this person, you’ve done nothing wrong except not being firmer with your loud bossy travel companion.

Glad you are safely home op. That situation sounds horrible and frightening. If your friendship survives and you go again with him (I don't think I would) I would insist on separate rooms.

You can go away with someone and spend some time apart. Also, if you can afford to, book your own room so you can sleep and and have your own space too.