To be upset long distance partner doesn't want me to visit for longer?

[CosmoQ]

My partner has a job that means he's on site half the week and working remotely the other half. I often stay with him for a week or two at a time and he's always sad when I go.

Next weekend is my birthday and we're going on a birthday trip to celebrate. I asked if I could come and stay from 3 days before, and just work home again as before. Basically we work in different rooms and have meals together. It's nice.

So this time he said no, id just need to come the night before we're travelling as he's too busy. Which means I need to travel twice two days in a row.

Am I wrong or pushy to ask for a reason why?

Why are you so judgey then. Cannot abide these kind of replies. In this world of ‘be kind’ some people just can’t be

How long have you been seeing each other?

The thing is OP, if it’s not long, you wouldn’t ordinarily be thinking about living together which is a situation I think long distance relationships sometimes creates, considering moving in when you wouldn’t ordinarily. You wouldn’t be staying with him for days at time and working from home in his house if he lived round the corner would you? For him it might feel like living together and like things are moving too fast, too intense too soon. It’s perfectly fine for him to miss you when you go but not necessarily be ready for this level of togetherness.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. Just talk to him

You

Surely you can celebrate the concert and your birthday on the same night? If I knew I was busy working having an evening celebrating before the celebration would hugely cut into my time and I would prefer not to have someone working at home with me.
You seem completely disrespectful to his views and really you may be better off in a relationship with someone who has a less demanding job who can do what you want when you want.

Sorry but it does sound like you’re more in to this relationship long term than he is. I had a similar relationship long ago and I cut him loose as I was constantly hurt by his luke warm response. The final straw was when I had travelled to his City for another event with a promise of seeing him and he had made other plans. I never saw him again and years later he messaged me saying that he regrets his actions deeply and I was the one that got away. Tough - I found a proper man who I didn’t have to chase and feel like an inconvenience to. You deserve more, don’t settle for less.

OP do you think your more upset because its your birthday?

Is this a sexual relationship or more of a good friend relationship?

Don’t move for a man who won’t make an effort or isn’t prepared to be inconvenienced at all for you. Aka if he can’t travel to yours a little more, that would be it for me. Next time he says I miss you, you say ‘you should travel to mine more often then’

What a bizarre question to ask, and several days after the OP last posted. She said partner, not friend.

It's not that he can't be bothered - his job doesn't allow it, he goes to her during uni breaks. She's said in previous threads that if he askes her not to go on any weekend she gets offended. She doesn't give him chance so travel to her.
His job is on site based hers is WFH, he's asked if she'd ever move to him she said she doesn't know and is now wondering why he's backing off!

You basically told him he wasn't worth moving for.
You killed the relationship there and then!
Sorry OP this is on you.

It's both. Agree an odd question!

@CosyLemur no he didn't ask me to move in with him.

He asked if I'd ever consider leaving the area I live in now. If he wants to talk future plans with me I expect him to ask me directly if that is what he is getting at.

We've been together a year. But we're early 30s so I don't want to spend too long with no plan.

I think you're right. I'm going to raise it and make it clear how vitally important it is that he visits more often.

I don't get the impression that he's less interested but I do think he's got a bit too comfortable. He'd rather I go there or we meet in the middle, but the agreement was to take turns.

He might rather you go there or meet in the middle but that means you travelling 100% of the time and bearing those costs. There should be visits where it doesn't cost you anything in time or travel cost to even things out and show you're equally committed.

Sorry but the OP is very needy, he told you he was busy, I see why he lives so far away, becare he don't dump you, unless he has a patience of a saint.

So she has to move, but not him? And she has to be ready to move straight away with no hesitation??? It's pretty normal to need time to think about giving up your home!
It's easy for him if she would be moving to his!

It's not particularly needy to want to go to his a few days before to avoid extra travelling.

Personally, I feel you are over reacting a bit. I don't see your issue with travelling 2 days in a row. Particularly as day 2 will be with him. He's said he's busy. My guess would be he needs to get work stuff done and dusted before going away. Plus he's said he's making a cake and maybe other things for your birthday, so he wants to do that without you around.