AIBU for feeling so sad for DS this Xmas

[billytiina]

DS is 5...both DH and mine families are shit shows.
For context my dad smokes like a chimney, would be happy to have us over for Xmas but cannot grasp we don't want DS to breathe in chain smoking all day. He won't budge on this.
My mum is very anxious and controlling, while she cares she makes spending time with her very very difficult.
My sister lives two streets away, hates any family time and used the fact my nephews are teenagers to avoid spending any time with my son.
My in laws live several hours away..when they have come down in the past they contribute nothing, get us to wait on them hand & foot and spend the entire time telling us how much money they have/fancy holidays/a bigger house than us.
AIBU to really resent all our families and feel sorry for DS as all his friends will have lovely family Xmas with people making a fuss of them?

My 10yr old DS is an only child. We used to spend Xmas with my parents but we're now LC with them for various reasons so it's been just me, DH and DS for the last 3 Christmases.
We all love spending Christmas together, just the 3 of us. Honestly, DS gets our undivided attention and we don't have to compromise over what we do to appease anyone else, it's great!
We have a few traditions:

We all open 1 present on Xmas Eve afternoon/evening

DS brings stocking to our room Xmas morning and opens presents on our bed

We eat Xmas dinner on Xmas eve so we're not stuck in the kitchen for hours cooking and cleaning up (this was a new one last year and we're sticking with it)

Xmas Day, we have yummy but quick/easy to prepare food and spend a lot of the day playing games and playing with Xmas presents. Often snuggle up on the sofa in the evening to watch a film

Might not be your thing, but we do church and they have made great friends there. Only a couple of hours, but we sing carols, drink hot chocolate, all dressed up, its lovely. Otherwise it's just us 4 for similar reasons and we make it perfect. Do our own thing 😉

That would be nice hire a cottage somewhere. Christmas is what you make of it and don't believe in the fairytale every family is fucked up one way or another.

Why don't you allow your mum to come over for Christmas. Your house your rules yo can tell her to play board games with your son. Would she come if you asked her?

We’ve got just the one kid who is now a teen. After over a decade of family xmases we have decided to flip everyone off this year and go skiing. Can’t wait.

At Christmas it's always just been me, DS and sometimes my mum. I am an only child, DS is an only child, my ex and his family have no contact with DS, I am NC with my father.

We've always had fun. Not having to entertain others is great.

Can you afford to go on holiday, or plan to have holidays over the Xmas break. Thats what I do, lovely time to go somewhere hot and lots of extra days off. The trip is the main present, we just buy little souvenirs while we're there. We're making great family memories together and someone else does all the cooking! And its a fun thing to talk about when hes back at school.

Sometimes I feel very similar. We have a large family, but no longer close. My kids have no cousins, but do have each other, also a single parent. Christmas is very much what you make it. Our traditions are new christmas bauble every year, from wherever we've been on holiday throughout the year. Board games and a walk with the dog. We also play Xmas bingo with small prizes which the kids love. We always spend Xmas wirh my Mum. However one year I would love to spend Xmas at home, with m&s buffet food for dinner, meaning minimal cooking!

Would also love to do a mini break, we love butlins, is that something you could do?

We have a few traditions,
new pyjamas for xmas eve and always read the night before Christmas lift the flap book before bed, with hot choccy and marshmallows. Then on the day itself, stockings get opened in the morning, always having a satsuma and an apple in the bottom, along with matey bubble bath and gold coins - everyone gets these, even the 18yr old!
then it was time to play with christmas stocking tat whilst lunch is prepped. Maybe you could take a xmas day walk together before lunch? Then lunch, and after lunch into the main presents - this way it spreads the day out a bit and makes present giving and receiving last longer. You could plate up some lunch and deliver it to someone that’s lonely, or invite them round to share your day - they’d be much more grateful than your family by the sounds of it! I don’t think I’ve ever had a Christmas without an extra guest - just whoever needs a meal tags along. Buy presents that need your attention like a lego set so that you spend time building together and making those lovely memories 💗

Depending on your budget as you just have 1 child perhaps you could indulge in some Christmas experiences whilst he’s still little? Christmas markets, meeting Santa etc. I don’t know where you live but look at English Heritage, National Trust Properties, museums, Christmas craft etc.
Or if this is impractical or too expensive you could bake Christmas cookies together, read Christmas stories on Christmas Eve under a duvet, watch your favourite Christmas movie….
There are many ways to make it special for just the three of you. Don’t ruin it by trying to please everyone else.

im privately waiting till we can do this! But just for now our Dc still like all the familiar routines - Santa’s special plate and mug, decorating the tree, their stockings etc, same old same old but that’s how children like it!

DS isn’t missing out and is probably unaware of the ideals you feel like you’re not living up to. As a single mum with family abroad, we have managed to carve out our own little traditions and the children love Christmas even if it’s just the four of us. A trip to the cinema or theatre, or a mini break would all be very special but so is spending time with the two of you baking, playing board games, and watching films. He’s lucky to have both of your full attention all to himself.

I think Christmas brings out a lot of emotions around family. When ds was little we had a big gathering with my extended family and we were under time pressure. I used to feel so guilty taking him away from Santa presents and having him totally over stimulated in a large group, then racing over to ILs and doing the same thing. Then circumstances changed in both families and we had two more. I then felt guilty my younger two have never experienced big noisy Christmas mornings with cousins and second cousins like DS did.

It's sad for you though OP that you don't get much family support

Go somewhere fabulous, make it brilliant, a wonderful new tradition!

We have actually been looking at this..is it good?

All the theme parks, legolsmd etc all do great mini breaks too because there are ZERO queues for rides and we've always had ages with santa at them. So you'd have lots of things to choose from each year x

Well he will have a lovely time with you making a fuss of him won’t he?

Op I've only read page one

Xmas is what you make it and many families get together has something tension and it's fraught with issues.

You can make it wondeful and gorgeous you don't need others.

Go to massage board and ask foe tips many us sadly have deceased family or shits.
We still have wonderful Xmas

Op how much budget do you have? Disney? Paris drive... Stay off sight get deals?

Drive to efteling in the Netherlands, same distance as Disney..
After reports on here I wouldn't touch butlins with a barge pole and they don't seem to care if something goes wrong.

Pay for quality eg Disney or efteling.

We always have Christmas here since we had DCs 16 yrs ago - and MIL comes over and stays Christmas night, so 5 of us. We do have lots of lovely family that we catch up with over the break if we can, but they are mostly further afield. So Christmas day is fairly quiet - although we and MIL go to the Crib service at 4pm on Christmas Eve.

But when DCs were younger we did loads of fun things in the run up to Christmas, which you could do with your Mum or Dad perhaps? We used to visit the local garden centre which had amazing moving displays and live reindeer and donkeys, and a pop up ice rink; we did a barge trip one time where FC got on half way and gave out presents and we had mince pies, mulled wine and sang carols; we did a Santa steam train; we went to Longleat and did the train to see Santa in the snow covered woods....... So many magical memories and we always took MIL but they would also work with a chain smoking parent or a difficult one? Plus the local theatre group's annual pantomime!

Hope you enjoy a lovely quiet family day together!

Make your own Christmas. Have Santa come - friends made footsteps in their hallway late Christmas Eve, and made sure Rudolf ate the carrot one year! I think Nasa still tracks Father Christmas as he does his round - a bit late fora five year old but if he's awake worth letting him see it. Have unwrapping of presents together after a lovely breakfast. Have crackers and music over Christmas dinner, play silly games, read stories. Christmas is magical if you make it so - which you can. You don't need your antsy relatives!

Same situation as you 1 dc loved opening presents playing with gifts if u play games it's ur attention that matters if u had guests u would be faffing about for them cooking doing drinks. there are more families who would swap with u in a heartbeat no stress pleasing others no kids fighting over toys. u can make it special as a 3. Work at your own pace its one day its also your families loss they are missing out not your dc. Sorry for your loss.

This is your sadness, and understandably so. But it does not have to be your child’s. Create your own traditions - a panto, hot chocolate & a Christmas movie, Boxing Day seaside visit, choosing one present to open on Christmas Eve, all sorts of possibilities... Feel refreshed that you don’t have to spend the Christmas period trailing around and visiting everyone.

I am an only child and most years spent Christmas with just my parents. It was lovely! It is what you make it! Your DS will be excited about his gifts and having a good time with just the three of you.