Angry my husband is going to Las Vegas leaving me with 1st child 6 months old

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s our first child 6 month old.
he is away for 5 days 4 nights but been downplaying saying long weekend.
it’s for his friend 40th birthday. It’s a lad trip.
when he asked me if he could to the trip go long time ago, I already had reservation about it. It’s our first child so I wouldn’t know what to expect , in terms on the toll on me. I am not one of those partners who give permission either. I simply said oh the child will be 6 month old by then, like he need to use his common sense to decide go or not.
Today is the 5th day, last day of his trip, turned out it’s really a lot on me. I could hardly cook for myself in past few days, so running in low energy and 3 nights of waking every 2 hours. It’s first time my child catch a cold so I was tremendously worry and didn’t know what to do. Now I am absolutely under the weather. And in my mind I do not understand how he could choose to be away.
besides he sent one message asking how’s it going (in fact a bit unusual as he not usually message at all when go on lad trip). The message I felt like really is asking how’s son rather than me.
his mum did offer to visit one day while he away, but I politely decline. No issue with MIL, but just one of those things never match and I not prefer her company. He did tell his mum I may need help while he is away (which I had never asked for it). I feel more work to do than really helping. Not that I could ask MIL to help clean around the house while I play with baby. Probably the other way round of she play with baby while I am hosting or chatting away (using up my energy).

if anyone could share some insight would be helpful. Why lads have to go overseas trip regularly? Can’t they just meet up an evening to catch up ? When they meet have to go all the way out and came back tired or sick so I have to spend extra days take care of a man .

in October he got plenty of 40th to celebrate …
he will be away for a staycation (it’s like a couple gathering ) and I never say going and he just signed up for it. But I would never leave my child with any grandparents so he going to pay his mum to come along. I felt like would it be reasonable for a friend bday to bring whole fam and mum to go. Sounded a bit ridiculous to me and his friend has no children for sure he couldn’t understand how demanding it is to just leave the door with an infant.

then he is away again end of the month for another ‘long’ weekend in Europe. I felt like he should stick to 2 days 1 night given this Las Vegas experience one me. AIBU?!?!

thank you

on brink of breakdown

@amothersinstinct
I agree, the volume of threads of women who expect raising a child to mean all life outwith the family ends.
How do they think single mums survive or army spouses?
All these hopeless women who can't look after their own child without help.

So you see it as the mother's job to stay at home and " manage" her child while the father goes off enjoying himself with his male friends?
Having a child should change her life but his life should remain responsibility free?

Can she also leave 6 months with husband and go on a girl trip abroad?

She is not a single mother, so why should she expect her husband to act like a part time father.

I think you’re unreasonable for not being able to cope with your own child for a few nights.

However, the bigger picture is that he is just swanning off living his life without any restrictions; like someone else said above he’s carrying on like a single, childfree man and that is not ok. Neither is you having to look after him when he gets back with a massive hangover!! Not attractive at all. Leave him to it and plan your own trip away with friends!

Blimey I would be pissed off too..... Vegas on a lads trip with more trips to follow booked in while you both stay home? What family trips have you discussed and planned?

I would consider if he is what you want and this is your life going forward. I would rather parent alone on my terms if he isn't going to put his child front and central.

You should organise a trip away so you can have a break. It would have been a good idea to have your mother in law over that way you could have had a sleep or gone and done some shopping.
I have never had a problem with my DH going away and vice versa. Marriage is a partnership not a prison. I think both staying home and being miserable while you miss out on things is an odd thing to expect.
Having kids is amazing but let’s mr honest it’s also boring and exhausting.

Avoid being a martyr and go have some fun.

You are happy to label women as "hopeless".
What about the " hopeless" men who opt out of parenting their children in favour of going off drinking and partying with their friends?
Could it be you are a man?

I think you're being unreasonable.
So long as finances allow is good to get breaks away.
That applies to you too

This. Its all a bit melodramatic. The baby is 6 months. It's never going to be easy to be honest, there is always something. It's a juggle you need to figure out how to manage. It's a long game and this was 4 nights away. Work on how you can make this an equal partnership.

Why not take time back for yourself then? If it's a happy relationship, surely he'd be fine having baby for a weekend so you can also get some space!

If you don't want to be away from baby, you could always take it as a 'staycation' ~ DH in charge of the home and childcare, you can get in snuggles when you like, and then plan in lunches with friends/bubble baths/Netflix.

I think with communication when away, you need to be firm as well. Sit him down, tell him you need more contact, plan in FaceTimes or something. You'll feel more included in what he's doing (and maybe reassured?) if you hear about his antics and see him relaxed and happy in real time. Otherwise you only see him after he gets back and life goes back to the grind.

YABU, it is a few days and you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Seriously?

If he feels ill and would lie in bed and not do anything to help get better, leave him there. Who needs 2 babies? Get in with your day and leave him there. You are not his maid.

I think as a one off trip 5 days is fine for a big birthday.
By 6 months you should be able to cope for 5 days, hardly a newborn.
My DH had to work away for a month when my youngest was 3 months which did get a bit tough when it got to week 3.

However YANBU to be annoyed with him having regular holidays away with friends. That would piss me off

Im a bit confused. I know that parenting for many is viewed as a team effort so naturally you'll feel resentment if you perceive him to be not doing his fair share. But I don't understand why you are finding it so hard for a few days. As a single parent with no family support, I have managed alone for nearly 8 months. Like you, I've only got one child and so it's been actually very straightforward to do things like cook and clean. (It gets a lot harder when you have more than one and kudos to the single mums who manage in those circumstances). If it were me I would be happy that my other half gets to have time out, especially if he also gave opportunities to have baby free time.i would be viewing this as a lovely opportunity to have 1:1 time with my baby rather than focussing on him being away. I probably would have planned a few days trips to make the most of our time,and would have sent photos to other half. Have you planned anything for yourself? Did you say to him that you were worried about being alone for so long? Did you discuss the practicalities together? Eg. He could have done some batch cooking for you before he left. I think YABU if you didn't have these conversations and just expect him to not go away. By 6 months I would assume you would be confident enough to be left with the baby for a few days without struggling.

Also agree, and I’d be feeling annoyed reading this as a single mother

Agree. My DH worked away when mine were small. It was especially tough with a toddler and a newborn. But aside from maternity I’ve worked and managed.

If he can afford to go to Las Vegas he can afford for some home help if you’re struggling, plan better is my advice. Get a nanny/home
help for a few hours. she can look after baby or cook some meals. Get a cleaner if not a nanny. There’s absolutely no reason you should be missing meals etc. Surely your baby is weaning? Mine always ate a variation of what I ate. Do some bulk freezer meals when he’s home.

My guess is you resent him having a nice time, when you’re home alone. I get that, but it’s a separate issue to whether or not you can or should be able to cope.

I agree with this.

If he's doing his bit the rest of the time I don't see an issue. It's a couple of days.

You had the offer of help but refused.

Make the most of your staycation and the MIL help.

My guess is you resent him having a nice time, when you’re home alone. I get that, but it’s a separate issue to whether or not you can or should be able to cope @SunQueen24

This is what I was trying to articulate only @SunQueen24 said it better!

@Lifeisarealchallenge
Not a man, mother of 4, raised alone since their dad passed away. Any more snide remarks?

Yes I agree about this too.

The year I had DD was a year of weddings and DH went on two long weekend stag dos. I am glad that my DH has friends and interests. I want that for myself too, so if I fancy a spa break I can leave both kids with DH. It might be tough but we recognize it is essential to have a rounded life. It can feel one sided in the first year of a child, assuming you’re breastfeeding and can’t leave them for extended periods (I had two bottle refusers) but it’s a short season.

I have a lot of friends who are medics working demanding hospital jobs - usually both in the couple are. The They do lots of weekends juggling childcare alone, even whole weeks alone whilst their partners do nights or weekends on call. I think it puts things into perspective somewhat.

its selfish behaviour

he is a parent now but some men still can’t miss out, still will but their wants first feel they have to still have their weekends away

he should be at home stay firm about this with the next trips until you feel you are down being left alone

My comment wasn't snide.
Your labelling women as " hopeless" was scathing and misogynistic so I assumed you must be a man.

This concept of men doing the ‘big’ tasks drives me nuts

Big whoop he built a cot. I assume he doesn’t build nursery furniture every night? If not then it’s not comparable in terms of the labour you put in. Stop diminishing yourself and what you do. He is a lazy husband and in turn a shit father.

My DH turned down several stag do invites the year we had DD as he couldn’t bare to be away from his daughter, let alone leave me alone to deal with everything. Men aren’t like this, your DH is like this.