issues with lodger

[lodger]

Hi

Hoping for a bit of clarity and in need of a chat about my lodger. He's only been
here for a few weeks but ive found it challenging having someone in my home space. Tonight he bought back a friend with no prior warning and occupied the kitchen space and cooked for friend and they both ate at the table, chatting away. I found it quite rude to not give me the heads up that he was bringing a guest back and cooking dinner. I had to make my dinner then leave the kitchen as they were clearly chatting and eating and I felt like a third wheel. He is my lodger and I find this quite rude. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to tell me that he's bringing a friend home? He also makes very loud phone calls alot of the time and hooks his calls up to an external speaker so that I can hear his conversations very clearly. his room is above mine. Again I find this quite disrespectful. Some viewpoints would be handy. Im not used to having people in my home and I lost my husband last year to cancer so its a big deal to have someone living in my space. Its an adjustment

I care about the safety of anyone who is genuinely in peril - OP is not.

Try to grow up and gain a sense of proportion - your OTT responses simply serve to diminish the experiences of women who suffer genuine abuse and provide no advice of any value to OP.

And try to make an effort to actually comprehend information from reliable sources.

@MsAmerica

op misunderstood your post and wrote a follow up post with apologies to you for misunderstanding.

In a nutshell

Op didn't discuss use of the kitchen
Op does not want to put a table and 2 chairs into lodger's living room, was asked many many times if there was a table + chairs eventually agreed there was not but also said she does not want to do this.

Op has spoken to lodger twice now since the dinner time ' inconvenience '

Op found the lodger's use of his mobile a nuisance - she does have a tongue in her head and could have / should have mentioned it to him immediately.

Op then found one edible item had been eaten, whilst that was rude / inconsiderate / selfish / minor theft
it is not a criminal offence ?
would the Op really report the eating of one cupcake or whatever it was to the police ?!!!!

Op then couldn't find the key to the shed, immediately assumes it was the lodger, really ?!!!
Op says in her posts she is stressed etc.
who is not to say the Op herself moved this key to a place of safety to perhaps deter the lodger from entering the garden shed or even from using the bike ?
yet again would the Op really report the key disappearance to the police ?

It appears the Op didn't ask for / take references - as she would not confirm this when directly asked.

How many people take someone in to live in their home with no checks / references ?!!!

The Op admits she didn't give a contract.

The Op may be vulnerable because she is a woman living in her home, but do we not have responsibility to ourselves to do some due diligence ?

there is plenty of information to be found via Google re lodgers / what a lodger is / their rights / the landladies rights including on the Govt website - which the Op has been informed of more than once.

However it now appears the Op wants the lodger out asap.

as he pays his rent monthly, and the Gov website says one month's notice, then that is why I hope she issued it 3 days ago. and if he finds somewhere sooner to let him go early and to wish him luck.

the lodger is due to pay his next month's rent in 10 days time, as I guess he moved in on 1st Oct.

the lodger hasn't trashed the house, he hasn't had wild parties, he doesn't appear to be a drunk or an alcoholic, he doesn't appear to take drugs, he hasn't assaulted her in any way - his worst ' crime ' was to eat something that was not his / not given to him / bought by him...

That’s what it’s like living with people!

They exist too!

I’ve had lodgers for years. Sharing your house with other people does involve a sacrifice of space and privacy! You can’t have it both ways. A ‘lodger’ is just the term for it if the landlord lives in, it doesn’t come with any presumption that they will scuttle about like mice or hide in their room the whole time they are there – if this is the condition of being there you need to be super explicit about it. You might think it’s not their home because it’s your home, but the person who lives there, sleeps there, showers there and eats there on a permanent basis will regard it as their home!!! Because it is.

They probably thought carrying on with their conversation and letting you get on with what you were doing was the polite thing to do – to let you do your thing in peace without feeling like you had to stand to attention.

Wow op you have really had some mud thrown at you in this post, I hope you are OK. Please stay safe and ask him to leave

With all due respect OP , you don't sound suited to this arrangement - maybe if you do want a lodger for the money , it would be best to give the guy a months notice and start afresh- ideally I would say with a female and set the terms right at the beginning , do a lodger contract and get the person that fits with your expectations- because this guy has moved in with unbeknown to him a list of dos and don't that might not have suited him-

I too have a lodger , it clearly states in the contract if they are bringing friends back to send a text . I would give it sometime , I too felt completely invaded of my space .
Took a little while to adjust. Remember you are the landlord .

Not a problem.

Hope things work out for you.

I posted just over a week ago, regarding similar issue's, and struggling.
The telephone calls, I totally understand, my lodger is foreign and thinks nothing of making phone calls at 4am in the morning. The walls in my home are thin so I hear every word, He also walks around with his speaker phone on whilst taking calls and it is annoying. It seems an invasion of my space, as I don't want to hear them. So I feel your pain here, I have been going threw it too.
With regard to the dinning activities I did write in the agreement that my lodger was permitted to have upto two guests to dine weekly. Allowing someone social interaction with family and friends over an activity that is often done in a social and group atmosphere is important to mental health. Although they should of pre warned you. (obviously this is my personal opinion and I understand many won't agree).
I do think when agreeing to share our home we do have to display a certain amount of tolerance to another individual. If we cannot then we should question if we are right to open our house up to a lodger. I have just served mine notice and I felt awful. It was mainly due to his lack of consideration, I think he thought he was getting more a B&B service and that I would do all the cleaning up after him. He brought chaos to my little house. And I most certainly knew he was here.

well the Op@lodger hasn't returned to her thread since 17th Oct.

Can only guess she acted upon the advice given by that point and issued her lodger with one month's notice that day and I suspect he moves out tomorrow if he is even still there...

Thank you everyone for you replies I did in-fact give the lodger notice with this -I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to address some important concerns that have arisen during your time as my lodger. While I have appreciated your presence here and have always aimed to create a positive and welcoming environment, it has become increasingly clear that our living arrangements are not working harmoniously for either of us.
Despite the discussions we had prior to your move-in, there have been ongoing issues that make it difficult for us to maintain a comfortable and balanced household. These include:

• A lack of consistency in maintaining cleanliness and tidiness, especially in communal areas.
• Neglecting to clean up after yourself or to a standard in which you found it in the first place, empty bins, or operate the kitchen fan, despite my reminders.
• Although we discussed the importance of good ventilation in the bathroom during the viewing, you have consistently failed to keep the window open while showering. Additionally, leaving the bath mat on the floor repeatedly shows a lack of consideration and respect for the shared space.
• Working from home for extended periods, often at unconventional hours, causing disturbances such as early-morning phone calls.
• Leaving lights on and leaving the property unsecured by failing to lock doors.
• Despite our agreement clearly outlining that only one parking space is allocated, you have, without consideration, parked two cars on the property. Additionally, your parking has often blocked access to the front door, and you have not made efforts to correct it when realizing it caused an issue. This demonstrates a lack of consideration for harmonious and practical use of shared spaces.
• Complaints about cat hair despite agreeing to live in a cat-friendly household. Furthermore, there has been no effort on your part to form a friendly bond with the cats, as was expected in our arrangement. Meanwhile, we are left to tolerate the general untidiness and disorganization you bring to the communal areas, which we find disrespectful and offensive. It feels as though you expect us to accommodate your chaotic ways while disregarding our standards and preferences.

While I respect your lifestyle and do not dislike you as a person, these behaviors have created an environment that feels disorganized and stressful for me. I have also noticed that our differing approaches to living standards and household organization make it difficult for us to coexist peacefully. As such, I have decided that it would be best for us to end our lodging agreement. I kindly ask that you make arrangements to leave the property by 1st December 2024. This should allow ample time for you to find an alternative living arrangement that better suits your needs and expectations. Please know that this decision is not personal, and I wish you the very best moving forward. I am happy to discuss any practicalities or provide support in the transition period to ensure the move is as smooth as possible for both of us. Thank you for your understanding, and I hope we can part ways amicably. Best regards,

Sorry Guy's I am new to Mumsnet as a poster.. But have always loved reading the posts and advice.. I hope you all feel I did it correctly. I have a lovely young lad arriving on the 1st who will lodge 5 nights a week and he understands all the rules this time. Also he is away at work for 12 hours a day. So I will feel that I am not in the "Lodger show" like I have been for the past few weeks.

Hey op think you’ve changed names since people might not see this as the thread started. Maybe report your post to Mumsnet.

OOPs I think I just commented on a post that was not mine 😮

Loooo666 - are you the person that posted the original post on 14 October? I'm a bit confused. Or are you separately having issues with your lodger? Sounds like you're well rid of him and I hope between now and 1 December he doesn't cause you any trouble.

Well done OP.

Hi KarlaKK no I was not the original poster, (sorry my HRT is clearly not working) I also had a post going and was sent a notification, I thought it was my post . Then realised it was not. But thank you for your support. My post was just over a week ago and I got some amazing support. That the next day I sat and drafted the above and sent it. Love to everyone who replied to my post and supported me I thought I was going mad and was being intolerant for a little while and felt like I was at sea in emotions.

"(sorry my HRT is clearly not working)" 😄. Me too. What a saga that is.

I didn't see your post from before. Glad you made a decision. I think your email to him is good - you've told him the problem without any rancour and have laid your cards on the table. Hopefully he'll learn from that. Best of luck with the new lodger.