AIBU to not host Christmas this year?

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We always host and pay for everything and my lardass bro sits around scoffing and drinking as much as possible. Really not looking forward to running around after him and his family again this year.... They live miles away and in a tiny house... also him and his GF don't work so have no money to contribute. He literally will not get his arse off the sofa and we have to hide food and drink so other people get some!

The only thing making me want to host is my very elderly mum who would be so upset if we don't... I just hate feeling begrudging. Like I want to want to be generous and welcoming... I want to enjoy hosting!

I agree with the poster who said you should all go to a carvery one day before Christmas. Honestly, OP, I wouldn't have him at my house at any time, never mind Christmas Day.

Your mum has had her own way every year for however many years. It's time for you to have your own way over this.

I remember my mum saying to her MIL, "So basically I've got to wait until you die before I have the sort of Christmas I want?"

I would invite for a simple lunch and a walk on Boxing Day. Nothing big. No alcohol. Nothing expensive.

Mum could join us for Christmas. Her choice. Brother not invited.

The only people who get upset by you setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any.

So true!

this is a great idea. Then just invite your mum on xmas day

Your mum and your kids don’t get to decide who comes to your house. You do.

😂
What was MIL's response?

Why don't you invite them round after lunch?

Hide all the booze and anything you don't want them to have.

Why invite this pig around at all, ever?

You're right of course. I was thinking of a way to please the OP's mum.

Book a cozy Airbnb somewhere and invite only your mum. She can see your brothers family another day, or she can decline your invite and go to your brother.

Or invite her for the morning and lunch, and only invite your brother in the evening for mince pies for a couple hours.

Why not invite your Mum and your DH parents? That way you can say you are only hosting parents this year but offer to meet up with him for a pub lunch/McDonald's somewhere after Xmas maybe on 28th so cousins can meet up. Your Mum can arrange to see her other grandchildren on another day when you are not there.

Does you SIL not want Christmas in her own home?

Your children don't need to see their cousins on Christmas Day - there's 364 other days in the year where you could arrange a get together. I think this is your excuse, so you don't have to tackle a difficult thing!
It's understandable but won't help you in the long run.

I think it might help you to reframe this in your mind as doing a positive thing for your children. You will be teaching them that boundaries and respectful behaviour are important. And you will be giving them back time. Your children should be spending tome with you on Christmas Day, not watching you tear around like a blue arse fly, waiting on lazy grifters!

He doesn’t get an invitation, only your mum, who you naturally want to spoil. You can take her over another day. She can spend time with him and his family another day. You can spend (cheap, not at your emotional or financial cost) another day getting the cousins together-day out at a National trust place (meet them inside so you’re not paying!) for example.

I’m in the just say no camp. Have a lovely relaxed day with your mum and family .

Arrange to drive over to a pub convenient to them for drinks on Boxing Day or before Christmas to exchange gifts and for the kids to play. Low key and low stress. Your mum will still enjoy seeing the kids play - sell it as another special Christmas occasion.

Obviously your mum wants to see you both on Christmas Day, not inviting him will upset her. Prep him in advance with a list of everything he is expected to bring, along with a list of things you'd like him to do on the day. You are not his servant!

Sounds like you're well on the way to a good decision!
I liked the suggestion of Happy Dane.
Let yourself off the hook.
Or as son says, 'you're doing it to yourself!'

State benefits? They must be getting income from somewhere. You can't pay bills with buttons. No mortgage but council tax, heating, food? My guess would be they are benefit claimants.

Just say it’s too much work for you and you’re not doing it this year. Tell them to have your mum over themselves, give your mum two christmases.

Unless you have to work, generally in the UK Christmas is a week so there is plenty if time for your mother to see rest of her family. TBH other than sitting like a mother hen, surely she would have better engagement with GC in a smaller group?

Be a martyr. Or not. Your choice.

Of course you are not being unreasonable-I would host your mum and tell your brother that you’re sick of always being the one to pay and host.

It doesn’t sound like you are going to do that though!

I had a sibling like this, always free-loading, late and rude to every event.
Instead of thinking how to manage this, just remove the problem - tell him no, tell him firmly so it gets through his thick skin and don't compromise !

Suggest going out for christmas lunch at a hotel this year instead - and DB can pay his own way.