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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did NOT give them a “present” of horrible wine!

258 replies

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:37

A few weeks ago I bought some wine (Royal Tokaji) on special offer, as it had really good reviews and it was a great discount. Well, the reviewers and I obviously had different tastes, as I really didn’t like it. I persevered through a large glass, as I know sometimes unfamiliar tastes can feel unpleasant until you get used to them, but I just didn’t like it.

This weekend I’ve been to visit my parents. They’re both into wine, so, as I had another bottle left, I took it with me to see if it would be more to their tastes. I explained that I hadn’t liked it, but thought they might like to give it a try; after all, it would just have sat gathering dust in my house.

My dad burst out laughing and said, “Oh, so you thought you come to visit and bring some horrible wine, did you? Ooh, what a lovely present. ‘Ooh, happy birthday - here’s some horrible wine!’” This is typical of the kind of “joke” he makes, so I just laughed and replied, “Well it’s not your birthday, is it? And it’s not a present - it’s not like I’ve deliberately bought something I think is awful. I just thought you might want to try it; maybe you’ll like it”.

Neither he or my mum liked it. Fine - it would have only got poured down the sink anyway, so it was worth (in my eyes) checking if they liked it before chucking it. My mum said she’d leave it in the fridge and would cook with it. All good - or so I thought.

My dad kept on about the wine ALL weekend. Every time he had anything to drink, it would be “This is nice - not like the horrible wine you brought us, because you don’t love us”, in this mock childish voice. I tried to ignore it the first night, as taking a joke and stretching it to breaking point is pretty much his MO. But he kept on and on about it. The next night at dinner it was, “Are we having nice wine tonight, or horrible wine?” My aunt phoned and I had a chat with her on my mum’s tablet; my dad peered over my shoulder and said, “Has she told you about the horrible wine?”

Today I’ve flipped. He mentioned it AGAIN and I snapped, “For God’s sake, will you shut up about the bloody wine!! I KNOW you didn’t like it; you’ve said it again and again. But it’s not like I deliberately bought something I thought you wouldn’t like and wrapped it up as a present. I just thought you might want to try it before I threw it out; THAT’S ALL!!”

Of course, now he’s sulking. He was only saying; why can’t I take a joke? And my mum is saying why am I letting it get to me, I know what he’s like etc… basically making it all about my reaction instead of him being an arse all weekend.

I’m sick to the back teeth of it. What sort of “joke” has to go on all weekend and make someone feel shit into the bargain? Why has he made me feel like I deliberately bought them a crappy gift? Frankly I feel like telling him to shove it (and buying him a fucking case of the stuff for Christmas).

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 13/10/2024 16:40

YANBU, he sounds unbearable. Definitely deserves a case for Christmas!

Moonshine5 · 13/10/2024 16:42

I wouldn't be vocal, but if you said that to me ie. I don't like this so here you go, I would be a bit miffed.

DanielaDressen · 13/10/2024 16:42

While I agree that your dad is being an arse did you take anything else or do you normally take anything if staying for a weekend? If not is he having a dig about this and thinks if you go to stay at someone’s house for the weekend you should take your hosts a gift? Just a thought, I know not all families may bother about this for family visits.

Bunnyhair · 13/10/2024 16:43

You have my sympathy. I have relatives like this who take delight in taking things the wrong way and being joking/not joking offended and making endless ‘jokes’ that aren’t funny. It’s tedious and annoying at best and at worst edges on bullying. I’m not surprised you lost it.

I have an aunt who still brings up imagined slights from 30 years ago, as a ‘joke’. She has an extensive mental catalogue of them that she likes to thumb through and remind us all of every few minutes.

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:45

Moonshine5 · 13/10/2024 16:42

I wouldn't be vocal, but if you said that to me ie. I don't like this so here you go, I would be a bit miffed.

Why though? I wasn’t saying “I wouldn’t drink this old swill if you paid me, but it’ll do for the likes of you”. I just asked if they wanted to try it.

OP posts:
CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:45

DanielaDressen · 13/10/2024 16:42

While I agree that your dad is being an arse did you take anything else or do you normally take anything if staying for a weekend? If not is he having a dig about this and thinks if you go to stay at someone’s house for the weekend you should take your hosts a gift? Just a thought, I know not all families may bother about this for family visits.

I normally treat us to a takeaway or a meal out.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 13/10/2024 16:46

Wine is definitely personal taste I've drank awful wine that my family love I've also turned up with a bottle that she might like because I don't and she will find a home for it going on and on about it all weekend is stupid I wouldn't take them anything again

Be prepared for a resurgence on your next visit "bought any horrible wine this time?" No dad I've learned my lesson not to bring you anything..

FKAT · 13/10/2024 16:46

@DanielaDressen Why would you take a gift to stay at your parents? They're not 'hosts' - they're your family.

YANBU, your dad sounds a right twat. Is he always like this?

PickAChew · 13/10/2024 16:47

He likes to labour a point, doesn't he. It's not like you gave him a nasty bottle of Echo Falls to try. I don't blame you for pushing back.

MumChp · 13/10/2024 16:48

I would pack my bag and go home? Why spend time at their place?

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 13/10/2024 16:48

Moral of the story is, next time you buy something you think is disgusting and want to give the second bottle away, don't tell the person your giving it to you hated it. Tell them it has excellent reviews and leave it at that.

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:52

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 13/10/2024 16:48

Moral of the story is, next time you buy something you think is disgusting and want to give the second bottle away, don't tell the person your giving it to you hated it. Tell them it has excellent reviews and leave it at that.

If I’d done that, I’d have had to go through a whole fiction of “trying” it myself, when I already knew I didn’t like it. I honestly didn’t think it would be a problem. My mum got it, so two out of three of us thought it was fine!

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 13/10/2024 16:54

Ooh Tokaji is my favourite pudding wine yum! Where is it on special offer?!

Your dad sounds like an arsehole. “Oh you’re too sensitive” / “I was only joking” etc are the typical bullies response.

Flustration · 13/10/2024 16:55

My FIL is like this. I think in his case it's due to having poor social communication skills. He just seems to think his jokes are genuinely funny. I think he is happy to finally be 'in' on a joke and have something to contribute so keeps belabouring it until we want to kill him to make it stop

Unfortunately FIL has got worse as he's got older to the point of being rude, so I have started gently pulling him up on it now if when we are spending any length of time together.

Rewis · 13/10/2024 16:57

Sounds like your dad has a similar sense of humour as my dad. And struggles to know when to stop. It has gotten worse the older he gets. Usually it takes one snap for him to get it. And if he tries to lighten the mood a simple give it a rest helps. Then Usually mom knows to kick him under the table.

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:57

Ooh Tokaji is my favourite pudding wine yum! Where is it on special offer?!

It was Virgin Wines, but it was a few weeks back now, so might not be on offer anymore.

OP posts:
hildabaker · 13/10/2024 17:06

Your dad sounds a lot like mine. Do you have siblings and is he the same with them?

Skyrainlight · 13/10/2024 17:07

You did nothing wrong, they may have loved it as so many reviewers did. Your dad is being an idiot and deliberately misunderstanding and using it to be "funny". He sounds very annoying.

ConsumedByCake · 13/10/2024 17:07

CoraPirbright · 13/10/2024 16:54

Ooh Tokaji is my favourite pudding wine yum! Where is it on special offer?!

Your dad sounds like an arsehole. “Oh you’re too sensitive” / “I was only joking” etc are the typical bullies response.

Waitrose usually do reductions in the run-up to Christmas @CoraPirbright - there's nothing nicer than a (small, well-chilled) glass of Tokaji with Christmas pudding!

LBFseBrom · 13/10/2024 17:07

If he says it again, just say, firmly, it was funny the first time, looking him in the eye. He'll get the message.

Cherrysoup · 13/10/2024 17:10

Why is your mum supporting him when he’s taken it too far? He’ll never learn if she supports his idiocy. Enough is enough!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/10/2024 17:11

If anyone gives you anything, the only correct response is 'oh, thank you so much.' If they didn't like it. that's down to their tastes and it's not that the wine is 'horrible' - it just doesn't suit any of you.

I often give away stuff that I don't like, to my kids or my friends, and nobody has EVER said 'oh, so you're giving us all the stuff you hate, are you?' It is, very properly, seen as a way of not chucking out perfectly edible food or drink!

Mercedes45 · 13/10/2024 17:11

Have a bottle of it sent to his house every month for the next year

FeetupTvon · 13/10/2024 17:12

Sorry OP but your dad sounds pathetic, more so for the sulking.

Tekphobebruvva · 13/10/2024 17:12

You did realise it was a pudding wine? Not wine wine.

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