To think I did NOT give them a “present” of horrible wine!

[CherryShirt]

A few weeks ago I bought some wine (Royal Tokaji) on special offer, as it had really good reviews and it was a great discount. Well, the reviewers and I obviously had different tastes, as I really didn’t like it. I persevered through a large glass, as I know sometimes unfamiliar tastes can feel unpleasant until you get used to them, but I just didn’t like it.

This weekend I’ve been to visit my parents. They’re both into wine, so, as I had another bottle left, I took it with me to see if it would be more to their tastes. I explained that I hadn’t liked it, but thought they might like to give it a try; after all, it would just have sat gathering dust in my house.

My dad burst out laughing and said, “Oh, so you thought you come to visit and bring some horrible wine, did you? Ooh, what a lovely present. ‘Ooh, happy birthday - here’s some horrible wine!’” This is typical of the kind of “joke” he makes, so I just laughed and replied, “Well it’s not your birthday, is it? And it’s not a present - it’s not like I’ve deliberately bought something I think is awful. I just thought you might want to try it; maybe you’ll like it”.

Neither he or my mum liked it. Fine - it would have only got poured down the sink anyway, so it was worth (in my eyes) checking if they liked it before chucking it. My mum said she’d leave it in the fridge and would cook with it. All good - or so I thought.

My dad kept on about the wine ALL weekend. Every time he had anything to drink, it would be “This is nice - not like the horrible wine you brought us, because you don’t love us”, in this mock childish voice. I tried to ignore it the first night, as taking a joke and stretching it to breaking point is pretty much his MO. But he kept on and on about it. The next night at dinner it was, “Are we having nice wine tonight, or horrible wine?” My aunt phoned and I had a chat with her on my mum’s tablet; my dad peered over my shoulder and said, “Has she told you about the horrible wine?”

Today I’ve flipped. He mentioned it AGAIN and I snapped, “For God’s sake, will you shut up about the bloody wine!! I KNOW you didn’t like it; you’ve said it again and again. But it’s not like I deliberately bought something I thought you wouldn’t like and wrapped it up as a present. I just thought you might want to try it before I threw it out; THAT’S ALL!!”

Of course, now he’s sulking. He was only saying; why can’t I take a joke? And my mum is saying why am I letting it get to me, I know what he’s like etc… basically making it all about my reaction instead of him being an arse all weekend.

I’m sick to the back teeth of it. What sort of “joke” has to go on all weekend and make someone feel shit into the bargain? Why has he made me feel like I deliberately bought them a crappy gift? Frankly I feel like telling him to shove it (and buying him a fucking case of the stuff for Christmas).

My PIL and I love white wine. They buy from a certain area where one grape taste very dry and while I love the variety, I hate it from this region.

It's a constant joke when we visit, my FIL presents me with every option apart from this one and then brings it to my MIL with the comment "no need to keep it secret, Reluctant won't touch it".

But it's a funny comment and we all know how to take it.

Tokaji is a very strong dessert wine and it's absolutely a required taste. I don't think I would have brought it unless I knew people are into this kind of wine.

But your dad sounds a bit too much.

My view is that his world is probably quite small, so anything out of the ordinary becomes a focus point. I think this is a thing with older people. I’ve noticed it with my own DM, she will go on and on about the same things each time I see her.

Maybe this is the same with your Dad?

I love Tokaji but I was looking for it recently on Majestic Warehouse and it was bloody expensive it looked like they were mostly selling a dry version, which I've not encountered before and was not what I was looking for.

I bet this was what I bought!

I only drink sweet wines at Christmas. With Christmas pudding. Ergo, they are pudding wines, not because I am too U to drink dessert wines.

He might be your dad but he sounds like an insufferable knob. (Sorry). Like the deliberately irritating character in a sit com.

Good for you for telling him to shut up.

Grown man sulking, yuck. How on earth has your mum put up with him. Unfunny people who think they’re hilarious are the worst.

As for your father, mine is the same. 'Jokes' persist for decades. It is absolutely infuriating, and is one of many reasons I have pretty much gone NC with him. I got so tired of being told I was over sensitive about deeply personal things that he had mocked me about for decades.

These people have been selling wine since 1794. They don't a difficulty understanding what a pudding wine is.

YES!

And when he complains, ask him why he can't take a joke.

Oh the performing dad. Like a four year old at a party who does something slightly funny and everyone remarks on how cute/amusing it is. The little poppet now has an audience and loves the validation and gives a repeat performance and adds to it. Until everybody just wants to go home.
The difference is that the child just likes to feel praised and cannot pick up on more nuanced reactions yet. Means so harm or offence.
Your dad at some point will know he’s starting to rile you and your mum just doesn’t want any bother.
So on and on it goes. The only thing you can do with someone like this is to give them minimal everything - attention, gifts, details, information about you and your existence.
It is clearly quite common and is like watching something from an awful 70’s sitcom.
Well done for speaking up, but I’m afraid he’s too set in his ways.
Although the best response I’ve ever been taught is to wait until he’s finished on a mini-rant, lift an eyebrow and reply…
Oh good is it my turn now?
It works!

My DDad can be like this. I've learnt, at the grand old age of 47, to sharply say 'That's enough' accompanied by a hard stare, like I would to a naughty child. He normally then makes an exaggerated face like he actually is a naughty child, but at least he does shut up.

It is a bit like bullying, and it is a power play. The older we both get the more I can claim my own power back. It is interesting to me though that after all these years he hasn't fully grown out of it.

Is he always this immature?

You didn’t answer whether you knew it was a pudding (or dessert) wine though?

You said you had a large glass of it in your OP so I’m guessing not. This makes all the difference and no wonder you thought it was bad.

to a PP it’s a Hungarian wine not Polish.

But she did not say that. She explained why she brought it over so you would need to adjust your attitude.

He sounds blood annoying. My mum and I do this all the time 'here, try this perfume, I don't like the smell but you might' ' do you want to try this hair mask, it made my hair greasy but might be good for yours' nobody is offended either way and I'm always happy to get a freebie 😂

which would be fair enough if OP HAD said that but she made very clear that she didn't express it that way.

What would be better in your view if being honest is so offensive?

For OP to have not given them the wine at all and just chucked it even though there was a good chance they would have liked it?
Or for her to have given it to them but not mentioned she hadn't liked it, so they thought she'd purposefully bought it for them as a gift and would have felt awkward if they didn't like it/felt they had to force it down and fib about enjoying it?

I agree with you OP, his behaviour was annoying, first taking the 'joke' to the extreme in the first place and then sulking and blaming you when you finally snapped. He was lucky you just told him enough, you could have been mean back and said something like "God you have really turned into such a boring old man since you retired. This is the first time I've seen you in X weeks, do you honestly have nothing better to talk about than make eight separate jokes about a random bottle of wine?"

I mean if you had listened to him and told the 'story' to your aunt what would you have said? "Oh, Auntie Julie, dad wants me to tell you that I bought him and mum a bottle of wine but they weren't that keen on it. Yep. Yes that's it. No I don't really get why he wanted me to tell you either....anyway how are the kids?'
Not exactly a hilarious anecdote is it?

YABU for pouring Tokaj down the drain!

sorry, I thought this was mumsnet, you know, a general chat forum, not submissions for the next cabinet briefing....

Well I suppose you could have said you were glad you’d brought such amusement into his obviously rather uneventful life. Instead of more, switch it up at Christmas and bring him eg a single sock and some out of date cheese. He’ll be happy for days.

Am wondering about general wine consumption over that weekend. How much wine did you drink which was supplied by them?
If they fed you and offered you their wine for the entire weekend, on reflection for you to turn up and say "I brought this in case someone out there actually likes it and that person might be you!" is pretty mean minded.

Your dad and my dad sounds too similar…
And your mum has the same reaction as mine.

Its very hard to live through it again and again

I'd bring his behaviour into the light. Next time, when you arrive, you say 'Dad, if you keep goading me with unfunny jokes like you did last time about the wine, I will give you one warning and then, if you don't stop, I will leave.' And follow through. It'll probably cause sulks 8and possibly attendant emotional blackmail from your mother), but it might stop the behaviour.

Nobody's called it a Polish wine. I mentioned buying it in Poland. While the wines typically easily available in the UK are Australian, Chilean, Italian, it's easy to find Hungarian and Georgian wines in Poland. I go regularly to Poland but have never been to Hungary. Hence that's my point of comparison and how I have experienced Tokaji. Not sure why you take a mention of buying a wine in X to thinking a wine comes from X. The wines you find in UK supermarkets are also not UK wines. Technically those exist, but I'm not sure I've ever drunk any.

YANBU, though I would have said something more measured well before getting to the blowing-up point.

Tell him to bore off. Deeply unfunny. Deeply irritating.

It reads to me like your dad was genuinely offended and maybe angry. Tbh I think it's a bit odd that you would give things you disliked to your parents simply because they would otherwise be going to waste. That's what the Olio app is for. Isn't it more appropriate to take them something you've tried yourself and loved?