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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did NOT give them a “present” of horrible wine!

258 replies

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 16:37

A few weeks ago I bought some wine (Royal Tokaji) on special offer, as it had really good reviews and it was a great discount. Well, the reviewers and I obviously had different tastes, as I really didn’t like it. I persevered through a large glass, as I know sometimes unfamiliar tastes can feel unpleasant until you get used to them, but I just didn’t like it.

This weekend I’ve been to visit my parents. They’re both into wine, so, as I had another bottle left, I took it with me to see if it would be more to their tastes. I explained that I hadn’t liked it, but thought they might like to give it a try; after all, it would just have sat gathering dust in my house.

My dad burst out laughing and said, “Oh, so you thought you come to visit and bring some horrible wine, did you? Ooh, what a lovely present. ‘Ooh, happy birthday - here’s some horrible wine!’” This is typical of the kind of “joke” he makes, so I just laughed and replied, “Well it’s not your birthday, is it? And it’s not a present - it’s not like I’ve deliberately bought something I think is awful. I just thought you might want to try it; maybe you’ll like it”.

Neither he or my mum liked it. Fine - it would have only got poured down the sink anyway, so it was worth (in my eyes) checking if they liked it before chucking it. My mum said she’d leave it in the fridge and would cook with it. All good - or so I thought.

My dad kept on about the wine ALL weekend. Every time he had anything to drink, it would be “This is nice - not like the horrible wine you brought us, because you don’t love us”, in this mock childish voice. I tried to ignore it the first night, as taking a joke and stretching it to breaking point is pretty much his MO. But he kept on and on about it. The next night at dinner it was, “Are we having nice wine tonight, or horrible wine?” My aunt phoned and I had a chat with her on my mum’s tablet; my dad peered over my shoulder and said, “Has she told you about the horrible wine?”

Today I’ve flipped. He mentioned it AGAIN and I snapped, “For God’s sake, will you shut up about the bloody wine!! I KNOW you didn’t like it; you’ve said it again and again. But it’s not like I deliberately bought something I thought you wouldn’t like and wrapped it up as a present. I just thought you might want to try it before I threw it out; THAT’S ALL!!”

Of course, now he’s sulking. He was only saying; why can’t I take a joke? And my mum is saying why am I letting it get to me, I know what he’s like etc… basically making it all about my reaction instead of him being an arse all weekend.

I’m sick to the back teeth of it. What sort of “joke” has to go on all weekend and make someone feel shit into the bargain? Why has he made me feel like I deliberately bought them a crappy gift? Frankly I feel like telling him to shove it (and buying him a fucking case of the stuff for Christmas).

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 13/10/2024 17:13

My lovely late Nana said to me - would you like to try these chocolates? They're not very nice. I laughed and tried one. No drama. That's how you deal with it.

Your poor mum needs support as shouldn't be putting up with this. When someone says you know what they are like, they are pandering to them. Just like people who dish it out can't take it but are described as sensitive. No, they are bullies or pillocks.

Usnone · 13/10/2024 17:13

Exhausting, unfunny pillock. Sometimes I can grin & bear people like this & sometimes I want to slap them but they're never good humoured company. I'm sorry you've got one as a dad.

HeChokedOnAChorizo · 13/10/2024 17:14

He sounds like my brother, we have no relationship as he doesn’t know when to stop. I seem to be his favourite target.

years ago at a cousin’s wedding he wouldn’t stop going on at me about things from childhood, embellishing them and embarrassed me, people around us were uncomfortable and told him to stop several times. I drove home after the reception as I couldn’t take it anymore.

2kbak · 13/10/2024 17:14

Usnone · 13/10/2024 17:13

Exhausting, unfunny pillock. Sometimes I can grin & bear people like this & sometimes I want to slap them but they're never good humoured company. I'm sorry you've got one as a dad.

Indeed

Womblewife · 13/10/2024 17:15

my dad is exactly like this and it’s awful, it’s not funny after the 10th mention and is designed to belittle you not make you laugh.
just tell him you’ll never buy him wine again, and to leave the jokes to the comedians.

DanielaDressen · 13/10/2024 17:15

FKAT · 13/10/2024 16:46

@DanielaDressen Why would you take a gift to stay at your parents? They're not 'hosts' - they're your family.

YANBU, your dad sounds a right twat. Is he always like this?

Edited

No I agree, i wouldn’t. But some people might have different expectations/family dynamics.

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 17:15

I’ve had some lovely pudding wines, but this wasn’t one of them!

OP posts:
HildegardeofBingen · 13/10/2024 17:19

When did dessert wines start being called pudding wines? (Misses point.)

Flamingos89 · 13/10/2024 17:20

Cant believe this post is trending 😂

There is literally no issue here and the OP needs to chill out and move past it. Your life must be extremely blessed if this is the biggest issue in it.

A dad/ grandfather taking a joke to far or excessively repeating it….. shocking

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 13/10/2024 17:20

I think the initial response was funny and can imagine my dad saying similar: ‘oh you don’t like it so palming it off on us, thanks’ but it does sound like he just dragged it on too long. Does he always do that? If so it can’t be a surprise surely 😂

AnotherDelphinium · 13/10/2024 17:21

I tried an (expensive!) day cream but it just wasn’t the right one for me so passed it to my mum who I’d mentioned it to on the phone and she was delighted.

When my dad found out he went on and on about “gifting open makeup”. I guess it was a gift as I didn't charge her for it (?!) but it was only going in the bin otherwise. It’s been mentioned “joked about” more times than would be expected.

CherryShirt · 13/10/2024 17:22

Flamingos89 · 13/10/2024 17:20

Cant believe this post is trending 😂

There is literally no issue here and the OP needs to chill out and move past it. Your life must be extremely blessed if this is the biggest issue in it.

A dad/ grandfather taking a joke to far or excessively repeating it….. shocking

Seriously? 😟 Is no one allowed just to have a moan about something that’s annoyed them anymore?

OP posts:
MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 13/10/2024 17:23

What you did was fine. Your dad misjudged the joke and took it too far. Forgive each other and move on.

Grepes · 13/10/2024 17:23

Were you drinking this with pudding? I can’t imagine buying a couple of bottles on offer as we rarely have pudding, but did you present it as a dessert wine or did you crack open a glass to drink as you would a normal glass of wine?! Just curious as I’ve never taken a dessert wine as a present as the dessert is usually a surprise, so wouldn’t know which would go best and not the type of wine you’d just have a glass of on your own!!

FeedingThem · 13/10/2024 17:25

Grepes · 13/10/2024 17:23

Were you drinking this with pudding? I can’t imagine buying a couple of bottles on offer as we rarely have pudding, but did you present it as a dessert wine or did you crack open a glass to drink as you would a normal glass of wine?! Just curious as I’ve never taken a dessert wine as a present as the dessert is usually a surprise, so wouldn’t know which would go best and not the type of wine you’d just have a glass of on your own!!

It wasn't a present
It was something she had in her house she didn't want but which they might. Which is perfectly fine.

If they chose to crack it open and eat it with lobster or MacDonalds, that's not on OP

2kbak · 13/10/2024 17:25

Next time, I'd get in the car and leave - just cut the visit short. This behaviour is insufferable.

Terrribletwos · 13/10/2024 17:26

@CherryShirt
I think the polite thing for your parents to do was agree that the wine was a bit shit but then move on and never mention it again.

You were not wrong in taking it round and asking their opinion on it.

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 17:27

What the hell is a pudding wine? 😂😩 Are we talking about dessert wine?

BoldAmberDuck · 13/10/2024 17:30

I reckon he will have realised now that he has upset you. It will have been unintentional. Just move on and be glad you still have a dad alive and mobile x

phoenixrosehere · 13/10/2024 17:30

YANBU

Some people take things too far and sulk when they’re told to knock it off to usually guilt others into apologising and then will repeat the action later because they can just apologise for the next time.

Your mother is enabling his behaviour.

Let him sulk.

Hopefully, he’ll stop doing it. Just because you know how someone is, doesn’t mean you have to always tolerate it.

PickAChew · 13/10/2024 17:32

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 17:27

What the hell is a pudding wine? 😂😩 Are we talking about dessert wine?

Isn't it bloody obvious?

MrTwatchester · 13/10/2024 17:33

Pudding wine is what U-people like to call dessert wine, because they can't bring themselves to use the word "dessert" under any circumstance.

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 17:35

PickAChew · 13/10/2024 17:32

Isn't it bloody obvious?

Since when is dessert wine called pudding wine though?

Precipice · 13/10/2024 17:36

CoraPirbright · 13/10/2024 16:54

Ooh Tokaji is my favourite pudding wine yum! Where is it on special offer?!

Your dad sounds like an arsehole. “Oh you’re too sensitive” / “I was only joking” etc are the typical bullies response.

I love Tokaji but I was looking for it recently on Majestic Warehouse and it was bloody expensive it looked like they were mostly selling a dry version, which I've not encountered before and was not what I was looking for. I have seen normal semi-sweet Tokaji on sale online, but it was expensive!

Last time I was in Poland, I brought over a bottle of Tokaji which was cheap from the local supermarket and it was great. Last year Lidl were running a pretty good price on them in December (9 or 10 pounds for 50cl; the one in Poland cost me about 3.50 pounds for 75cl, but of course the prices differ). Going to stock up more next time.

VWAirbag · 13/10/2024 17:36

I love Tokaji but can imagine it tasted dodge if you were expecting a dry white. Your dad is a pillock.