To think I did NOT give them a “present” of horrible wine!

[CherryShirt]

A few weeks ago I bought some wine (Royal Tokaji) on special offer, as it had really good reviews and it was a great discount. Well, the reviewers and I obviously had different tastes, as I really didn’t like it. I persevered through a large glass, as I know sometimes unfamiliar tastes can feel unpleasant until you get used to them, but I just didn’t like it.

This weekend I’ve been to visit my parents. They’re both into wine, so, as I had another bottle left, I took it with me to see if it would be more to their tastes. I explained that I hadn’t liked it, but thought they might like to give it a try; after all, it would just have sat gathering dust in my house.

My dad burst out laughing and said, “Oh, so you thought you come to visit and bring some horrible wine, did you? Ooh, what a lovely present. ‘Ooh, happy birthday - here’s some horrible wine!’” This is typical of the kind of “joke” he makes, so I just laughed and replied, “Well it’s not your birthday, is it? And it’s not a present - it’s not like I’ve deliberately bought something I think is awful. I just thought you might want to try it; maybe you’ll like it”.

Neither he or my mum liked it. Fine - it would have only got poured down the sink anyway, so it was worth (in my eyes) checking if they liked it before chucking it. My mum said she’d leave it in the fridge and would cook with it. All good - or so I thought.

My dad kept on about the wine ALL weekend. Every time he had anything to drink, it would be “This is nice - not like the horrible wine you brought us, because you don’t love us”, in this mock childish voice. I tried to ignore it the first night, as taking a joke and stretching it to breaking point is pretty much his MO. But he kept on and on about it. The next night at dinner it was, “Are we having nice wine tonight, or horrible wine?” My aunt phoned and I had a chat with her on my mum’s tablet; my dad peered over my shoulder and said, “Has she told you about the horrible wine?”

Today I’ve flipped. He mentioned it AGAIN and I snapped, “For God’s sake, will you shut up about the bloody wine!! I KNOW you didn’t like it; you’ve said it again and again. But it’s not like I deliberately bought something I thought you wouldn’t like and wrapped it up as a present. I just thought you might want to try it before I threw it out; THAT’S ALL!!”

Of course, now he’s sulking. He was only saying; why can’t I take a joke? And my mum is saying why am I letting it get to me, I know what he’s like etc… basically making it all about my reaction instead of him being an arse all weekend.

I’m sick to the back teeth of it. What sort of “joke” has to go on all weekend and make someone feel shit into the bargain? Why has he made me feel like I deliberately bought them a crappy gift? Frankly I feel like telling him to shove it (and buying him a fucking case of the stuff for Christmas).

Laughing for days over the same joke repeatedly several times a day?!

Now that, is amusing

I'm not saying you're right or wrong, I'm just telling you how I would feel in the situation you described

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Think it's for the benefit of common people. If you say dessert wine, they'd think it was made in the Sahara?

For Christmas or his birthday gift him the cheapest, nastiest BOXED wine you can think of. When he sulks, go on and on and on and on and on about how HE can't take a joke.

Sometimes, we have to educate our parents.
This is not easy, and requires a light touch.
You'll understand their feelings when your children start to do it to you.
It's even more challenging when your grandchildren do it to you.

You know you can get Netflix for like a tenner a month, right?

Its a joke once, after that, unless you are continuing it yourself and both parties see the funny side, it then becomes annoying. You have tried to do a nice thing and been mocked for it. some people just don't know when to shut up, do they and being told "you know that is just how he is" still doesn't make it acceptable.

I love flowers but I react badly to some, i.e. Cala Lilies and someone delivered an amazing bunch to me. They looked amazing but I started reacting within an hour and I felt foul, I put them in another room but it was no better. I gave them to an old lady over the road after checking she wasn't similarly afflicted and she enjoyed them so we were happy they had not gone to waste. I would have laughed if she made some joke about me trying to kill her off once, but if it had continued, I would have been annoyed - so similar sort of thing really.

Have someone pointed out that you are not supposed to enjoy large glasses of Tokaj?

I’d laugh out of politeness but internally I’d be rolling my eyes hoping the “joke” would pass.

Yes, and it’s still irrelevant to the thread.

I only had a large glass because I wanted to see if it was an acquired taste. It wasn’t (for me).

THIS! Behavior of this sort is a typical male gaslighting power grab, not a misguided and innocent mistake. The fact that he does it over and over again makes it very clear. I'm stunned by the number of people that excuse this behavior and then in the next breath complain about men being dicks. Men have gotten away with this bs for ages, and some women always try to make excuses for it. MEN SHOULD BE HELD TO THE SAME STANDARD FOR BEHAVIOR THAT WOMEN ARE. I agree that LAMPS1 maybe just hasn't experienced this type of negative behavior before, but it definitely exists and it definitely sounds like what OP's father is doing.

Does that matter??? She can enjoy it anyway she likes but that was not the question being raised by the OP.

Not nice behaviour IMO. Everyone has different tastes in wine, it’s rude to keep on and make you feel bad. My SIL bought wine to ours (they don’t drink wine, it was obviously something they’d been given years previously) it was off and tasted disgusting, you could tell by the colour let alone the smell!!! I just quietly poured it down the sink and got a different one. I would never have embarrassed them. Why would anyone do that? A joke is only funny if the person on the receiving end laughs too. Take gin next time!

No I think he (obviously) wanted to shame and humiliate his daughter. Which is what she felt. Only on mumsnet are adult males not held to account for shitty behavior—as long as they are parents—

I really don't think the size of the glass is relevant - OP just didn't like the taste. (And yes, several people have already pointed out on this thread that it's a Hungarian dessert/pudding wine which would normally be served in a 100ml glass.)

😂😂😂Brilliant! 👏

You have my sympathy OP. This kind of dynamic is exactly why I avoid certain family members as much as possible.

I also have a very old friend who likes to retell a story about a foolish (but harmless) mistake I made 40 years ago when I was in my 20s - she never seems to notice how uncomfortable it makes me feel and I wish she wouldn't do it, but she does every single time

She does it BECAUSE she knows it makes you uncomfortable, it’s only a joke if both find it funny. She is doing it intentionally to bring you down a peg or two. Maybe she feels threatened by you in some way. She doesn’t sound like a friend if she is still bringing something up from 40 years ago. Sounds like she needs to get a life.

Teanbiscuits33 You may be right.... I think I feel unable to say anything about it because she was in fact my head of department in my first job and that sense I must always show her respect has never left me!

She's in her 90s now so I have definitely missed the moment!

This sort of thing is so common. You would think adults, especially at her age, would grow up a bit, but they seldom do! I’d just ask her why she feels the need to keep bringing it up and to please change the record. Or bring something embarrassing up about her. I bet she will get the hump because these types of people don’t like their faults to be remembered and referred to, they have fragile egos hence they just take the piss out of everybody else.

Still, if something from 40 years ago is the only thing she has to say about you, I guess that’s a positive as that means she can’t think of anything else you’ve done that she can use as a stick to beat you with so has to keep bringing the same thing up perpetually.

There’s a brilliant film called ,Dean Spanley’ with Peter o Toole which all about the magic powers of tojaki. I love it, the film, not tried the drink, it is an esteemed imperial wine of Eastern Europe but of course a dessert wine not a table wine. You should watch it it will cheer you up no end.
Set in Edwardian London, the film tells the story of the relationship between Horatio Fisk (O'Toole), and his son Henslowe (played by Jeremy Northam). Henslowe meets an eccentric clergyman Dean Spanley (Sam Neill) who, it turns out, enters an altered state whenever he has a glass of Tokaji.
perhaps that is what has happened with your father. And you can keep telling the joke.

I’m sorry op. The rest of my post got lost, I am very sympathetic to you and your Dad was bang out of order.
I hope you can just avoid them in future, life’s too short for spending time with people bringing you down.

I wouldn't take someone else wine I did not like - I might have to drink it! - but your DF did go on a bit. If he is like that all the time it must be very wearing. Your poor DM!

Royal Tokaj is a well respected and relatively expensive wine (though with an unusual taste profile). The jokes were not just rude, they were ignorant :)